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Sunday, August 11, 2013

“You’re GAY”- Shaming language taken to the Extreme

In a previous blog, I discussed shaming language. Words and phrases people like bullies use to try to hurt, humiliate and shut down people they feel inadequate around. One of the most devastating pieces of shaming language bullies like to use against men is the accusation of homosexuality. When men or women say a man is “gay” it’s usually a clear sign that a man or a woman is extremely insecure in the presence of that man and scared of them.

Bullies will often use the phrases:

“You must be gay”

“You’re gay”

“You look like a faggot,

“You walk like a faggot,

“You stand like a faggot,”

“I bet you take dicks in the butt”

“You gonna fuck animals” (Yes, one guy turned the homosexual charge into a bestiality charge on me in High school)

Or its other variations to devalue a man they either do not understand or cannot relate to. When people make the “gay charge” It’s a sign that they’ve lost control over themselves and cannot deal with the presence of someone who represents a lifestyle that is clearly different than what they’ve experienced. Because they can’t understand this person, they need to devalue them so they can feel some sense of adequacy about themselves.

People who make the “gay” charge are forced to attack a person’s sexuality because they can’t challenge them on any other level. They often know they aren’t smart enough to match wits with them, they lack the interpersonal skills to communicate with them and they can’t relate to their hobbies or interests.

The goal of the “gay” charge is to try to bring the target man down to the bullies’ level. Most of the people making the “gay” charge usually live in a social sewer and want the men they target with this threat to come down into their gutter and start flinging feces back at them. When they say “I’m not gay” they’ve made the biggest mistake of their lives.

That’s just what the bully wants to hear.

Once a boy or a man says “I’m not gay, they’ve given the bully power and control over them and in some cases their sexuality.

Weaker males who react this shaming language will fall into the bullies’ paradox trap. In this trap the man accused of being gay does things to the bully and his peers that he is not homosexual. But because the standard for the man’s sexual identity is established by the bully and NOTHING he does will ever prove he is heterosexual. Everything he will do will be WRONG in their eyes. They’ll just keep raising the bar to gain more and more power over the target of their bullying making them do more and more humiliating things to degrade and devalue them.

In addition to men, Women love to use the “gay” charge too. When they’re interested in a man, and he doesn’t express an interest them, they’ll throw out the “they’ll throw out the charge of homosexuality to cover their feelings of hurt and inadequacy. For many it’s a huge bruise to their egos. They believe that every man finds them attractive, so they need a reason to justify being rejected by this man.

In other cases women will use the “gay” charge to shame a man into silence when they are losing an argument. Again, this is shaming language meant to bully a man by emasculating him. If a man reacts to it he will give the woman power over him and tool she can use to shut him down in an argument.

The accusation of homosexuality usually has nothing to do with a person’s sexual orientation. It has to do with the bullies’ feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. What they want to do is make the person feel like there is something wrong with them for being who they are. If anything, the bullies’ feel threatened by the target. They know they can’t come up to his level, so they have to bring them down to theirs.

The best response to bullies who use the gay charge is indifference. Responding with an indifferent look and statements like “whatever”, “that’s what you feel” or just walking away and saying nothing at all takes the power out of the bullies’ hands and keeps it in yours. As long as a boy or a man stays on the high ground, he can overcome the bully. You know what your sexual orientation is and you have nothing to prove to this person.

Ever since I was twelve years old I have had to deal with the “gay charge.” I didn’t know it at the time, but it was a clear sign these boys and girls just did not understand me nor could they relate to me. So they had to approach me with the topic of girls, sex, and sexuality. It was the only way they could feel intellectually superior in a social situation with a person they felt inferior around. Again, these people couldn’t come up to my level. So they had to bring me down to theirs. Stay out of the sewer!

Guys, don’t react to the gay charge. What men and women who use that accusation are trying to do is make you react so they can gain power and control over you. Take the high ground. When someone says you’re gay laugh at them and walk away. You know what your sexual orientation is, and you don’t have anything to prove to anyone else.

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