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Monday, July 8, 2013

Ratchet Females in the Summertime…THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

 Now that I’ve dealt with the male SIMPS and how they make summer miserable in the South Bronx, Shawn now goes into why he hates dealing with ratchet females in the Summertime here in the South Bronx.

Women are just as bad during the summertime as the SIMPS here in the South Bronx. Only they think their tackiness is sexy. If only they knew the numerous ways they made Shawn want to lose his lunch when he passes them by in the street.

A summer annoyance that works my nerves is women wearing light colored shirts and dark colored bras! Nothing says TACKY and GHETTO like a woman wearing a light colored shirt with dark colored bra that everyone can see! If you’re stepping out, make sure your damn bra matches the color of your shirt!

If you wear a white blouse, please wear a WHITE bra underneath it!

If you wear a black blouse, please wear a black bra underneath it!

And if you ladies, wear a T-Shirt, PLEASE make sure that it’s not so sheer that people can’t see your bra underneath it. I have seen too many chicks wearing red bras with white T-shirts who give everyone a show and not know it!

Again, If you put your hand in a knit garment and you can see your hand through it, it’s TOO SHEER.

Then there are the chicks who wear spaghetti strap tops, halter tops, and backless dresses and wear Friggin’ regular bras with them! Everyone sees the bra straps and even the back of the bra. While these women think they look sexy, it just looks UBERTACKY!

Again, if you want to go backless wear a halter bra or an adhesive bra. Or wear petals over your nipples! Those damn bra straps are just TACKY and show how SLOPPY you are regarding your appearance.

Another bra-related summertime mishap that pisses me off are the fat chicks wearing halters and tube tops. The chicks in the Tube tops look like meat spilling out of an overstuffed sausage and the chicks wearing the halter tops look like they’re about to have a wardrobe malfunction if they cough.

What makes it WORSE are that these fat chicks buy these halters and tube tops two or three sizes too small. So their gut is sticking out of them, and the material is looking like it’s about to strain.

Even though they make Halters and tube tops in big sizes, it’s NOT FOR LARGER BODY TYPES! IT JUST LOOKS GROSS! When Shawn sees these Fucking elephants walking down the street in these badly fitting garments, it takes all of his testicular fortitude to hold down his lunch and keep from puking. 

Another summer annoyance that irks me is Females Wearing shorts so short and so tight you’d think they had panties on. Or as I’ve seen in recent weeks a thong.

Damn don’t you heifers know your own damn size?

Shorts are not supposed to fit like a pair of panties. Or as I’ve seen in recent weeks, a Thong or a g-string. I’ve seen ass cheeks hanging out of the bottoms of shorts, and muffins squishing out of the top of them. You can’t tell them that they aren’t sexy.

And the smell some of these females have …Good Gravy. Some of these women running around in tight short shorts showing off their asses and whatever else do not understand that a vagina has to BREATHE. Wearing tight ass shorts prevents AIR from getting to that space between your legs. That’s why you SMELL LIKE A DAMN FISH.

And while I’m on the subject of vaginal care, then there are the women who go out in dresses. The ones who don’t know how to fucking sit down in one because their Single mamas never taught them anything about social etiquette or feminine care. And because they don’t douche or run some warm water down there on a regular basis, they smell like a sewer. You don’t know what horrors you’ve been on until you’ve been on a bus with no air conditioning and one or two of these sewer crotches is on it. You’ll wish you walked wherever you were going to.

Then there are the flip flops. Women love these damn shoes in the summertime. Even though some of them don’t take care of their feet.

Chicks buy these flip flops too small and then their feet SPILL OVER THE SIDES looking EXTRA NASTY. If your feet are spilling over the damn sides the shoe is TOO SMALL. GO GET YOUR RIGHT SIZE.

And then there are the women with the crusty feet who wear the flip flops. For the love of god get a pedicure before wearing these shoes! I’ve seen enough bunions, onions corns, to fill the vegetable section of a supermarket. Not to mention the crust and dust like a Little Debbie fruit pie.

Also, Flip-flops aren’t meant to be worn everywhere. But Women in the South Bronx try to make them dress and casual. And it just looks AWFUL paired with a business suit or a dress! Invest in some REAL sandals with a heel and some straps!

Next on my list are Fat chicks wearing next to nothing and tattoos. When we had our first heatwave a month ago here in New York City, I was on my way to McDonald’s for some McChicken Sandwiches. (too hot to cook that weekend) Unfortunately, on this excursion I had the displeasure of seeing this single mom wearing a bandeau top showing off her fat rolls and her tats. Well, mostly her fat rolls. And the saddest part was she was with her kids!

Good Gravy, I didn’t know what was worse, her tacky attire in the presence of her kids or her numerous tattoos that looked like USDA Grade A Pork markers. It took almost all of Shawn’s testicular fortitude to keep from vomiting right there. The sad part is this woman thought she was sexy. She thought she had it going on. She had no idea how RIDICULOUS she looked.

Some clothes are just not appropriate for certain places. A Bandeau top is not proper wear when you’re out with your kids! And it’s not appropriate to wear when you’re out in a FAMILY establishment like a McDonald’s where other CHILDREN are.

Ladies, I don’t want to see your tats. I don’t want to see your fat rolls. You don’t look sexy. You look like a DAMN PIG. Until you get your fat ass to a gym, put on a loose fitting blouse and some shorts that are the RIGHT size when you go out.

I just hate Summer in the South Bronx. If it’s not the SIMPS attention whoring, it’s these ratchet females trying to show their stank asses off in the hopes of snagging one of these losers in the hopes of cleaning his stupid ass out in Child Support court nine months later. Fall can’t come fast enough; I just get tired of seeing so many people being so tacky and so ghetto.

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