Women are just as bad during the summertime as the SIMPS
here in the South Bronx. Only they think their tackiness is sexy. If only they
knew the numerous ways they made Shawn want to lose his lunch when he passes
them by in the street.
A summer annoyance that works my nerves is women wearing
light colored shirts and dark colored bras! Nothing says TACKY and GHETTO like
a woman wearing a light colored shirt with dark colored bra that everyone can
see! If you’re stepping out, make sure your damn bra matches the color of your
shirt!
If you wear a white blouse, please wear a WHITE bra
underneath it!
If you wear a black blouse, please wear a black bra
underneath it!
And if you ladies, wear a T-Shirt, PLEASE make sure that
it’s not so sheer that people can’t see your bra underneath it. I have seen too
many chicks wearing red bras with white T-shirts who give everyone a show and
not know it!
Again, If you put your hand in a knit garment and you can
see your hand through it, it’s TOO SHEER.
Then there are the chicks who wear spaghetti strap tops,
halter tops, and backless dresses and wear Friggin’ regular bras with them!
Everyone sees the bra straps and even the back of the bra. While these women
think they look sexy, it just looks UBERTACKY!
Again, if you want to go backless wear a halter bra or an
adhesive bra. Or wear petals over your nipples! Those damn bra straps are just
TACKY and show how SLOPPY you are regarding your appearance.
Another bra-related summertime mishap that pisses me off are
the fat chicks wearing halters and tube tops. The chicks in the Tube tops look
like meat spilling out of an overstuffed sausage and the chicks wearing the
halter tops look like they’re about to have a wardrobe malfunction if they
cough.
What makes it WORSE are that these fat chicks buy these
halters and tube tops two or three sizes too small. So their gut is sticking
out of them, and the material is looking like it’s about to strain.
Even though they make Halters and tube tops in big sizes,
it’s NOT FOR LARGER BODY TYPES! IT JUST LOOKS GROSS! When Shawn sees these
Fucking elephants walking down the street in these badly fitting garments, it
takes all of his testicular fortitude to hold down his lunch and keep from
puking.
Another summer annoyance that irks me is Females Wearing
shorts so short and so tight you’d think they had panties on. Or as I’ve seen
in recent weeks a thong.
Damn don’t you heifers know your own damn size?
Shorts are not supposed to fit like a pair of panties. Or as
I’ve seen in recent weeks, a Thong or a g-string. I’ve seen ass cheeks hanging
out of the bottoms of shorts, and muffins squishing out of the top of them. You
can’t tell them that they aren’t sexy.
And the smell some of these females have …Good Gravy. Some
of these women running around in tight short shorts showing off their asses and
whatever else do not understand that a vagina has to BREATHE. Wearing tight ass
shorts prevents AIR from getting to that space between your legs. That’s why
you SMELL LIKE A DAMN FISH.
And while I’m on the subject of vaginal care, then there are
the women who go out in dresses. The ones who don’t know how to fucking sit
down in one because their Single mamas never taught them anything about social
etiquette or feminine care. And because they don’t douche or run some warm
water down there on a regular basis, they smell like a sewer. You don’t know
what horrors you’ve been on until you’ve been on a bus with no air conditioning
and one or two of these sewer crotches is on it. You’ll wish you walked
wherever you were going to.
Then there are the flip flops. Women love these damn shoes
in the summertime. Even though some of them don’t take care of their feet.
Chicks buy these flip flops too small and then their feet
SPILL OVER THE SIDES looking EXTRA NASTY. If your feet are spilling over the
damn sides the shoe is TOO SMALL. GO GET YOUR RIGHT SIZE.
And then there are the women with the crusty feet who wear
the flip flops. For the love of god get a pedicure before wearing these shoes!
I’ve seen enough bunions, onions corns, to fill the vegetable section of a
supermarket. Not to mention the crust and dust like a Little Debbie fruit pie.
Also, Flip-flops aren’t meant to be worn everywhere. But
Women in the South Bronx try to make them dress and casual. And it just looks
AWFUL paired with a business suit or a dress! Invest in some REAL sandals with
a heel and some straps!
Next on my list are Fat chicks wearing next to nothing and
tattoos. When we had our first heatwave a month ago here in New York City, I
was on my way to McDonald’s for some McChicken Sandwiches. (too hot to cook
that weekend) Unfortunately, on this excursion I had the displeasure of seeing
this single mom wearing a bandeau top showing off her fat rolls and her tats.
Well, mostly her fat rolls. And the saddest part was she was with her kids!
Good Gravy, I didn’t know what was worse, her tacky attire
in the presence of her kids or her numerous tattoos that looked like USDA Grade
A Pork markers. It took almost all of Shawn’s testicular fortitude to keep from
vomiting right there. The sad part is this woman thought she was sexy. She
thought she had it going on. She had no idea how RIDICULOUS she looked.
Some clothes are just not appropriate for certain places. A
Bandeau top is not proper wear when you’re out with your kids! And it’s not
appropriate to wear when you’re out in a FAMILY establishment like a McDonald’s
where other CHILDREN are.
Ladies, I don’t want to see your tats. I don’t want to see
your fat rolls. You don’t look sexy. You look like a DAMN PIG. Until you get
your fat ass to a gym, put on a loose fitting blouse and some shorts that are
the RIGHT size when you go out.
I just hate Summer in the South Bronx. If it’s not the SIMPS
attention whoring, it’s these ratchet females trying to show their stank asses
off in the hopes of snagging one of these losers in the hopes of cleaning his
stupid ass out in Child Support court nine months later. Fall can’t come fast
enough; I just get tired of seeing so many people being so tacky and so ghetto.
Again: hot summer = cooked crazies.
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