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Saturday, November 9, 2013

The Misadventures Of Captain-Save-A-Hoe Chapter 2

The Origins of Captain-Save-A-Hoe

How did Captain-Save-A-Hoe get his incredible powers? Was he rocketed from a faraway planet as a baby? Did he get bit by a radioactive spider? Did he get caught in the fallout of a gamma bomb? Or did he volunteer for an experiment when he was in the military?
Nah, he just grew up in a dysfunctional household.
The first way a man becomes a Captain-Save-A-Hoe is by growing up in a household raised by a single mother. In this home they’ve seen their mothers being mistreated and abused by their fathers or other men she’s involved herself with. As he grows to adulthood, he vows to protect his woman in ways that he couldn’t protect his mother.
The second way a Captain Save-A-Hoe get his powers is living in a home with a deeply troubled parent or parents. In this case his parents could be drug abusers or alcoholics. Or they could be bipolar, schizophrenic, or mentally ill. Many of these men have grown up protecting their siblings from the abuses of these deeply troubled parents or they grew up trying to protect their mother or from the abuses of their fathers, stepdads, or boyfriends who had mental illnesses or addiction. As they grow up they vow to become a “perfect” person. And when they pursue relationships with women, they look for someone who is deeply troubled to “fix” and make into the “perfect” mate.
The third way a Captain-Save-A-Hoe acquires his dysfunctional abilities is by having strict, demanding parents. Usually these strict parents make incredibly unrealistic demands on their sons. And as these boys grow up, they become men with incredibly unrealistic expectations of women. They’re often looking for a partner they can shape into the ideal mate. Someone already broken down that they believe can built up into the perfect partner.

And finally, the fourth way a Captain-Save-A-Hoe is made is by having a relationship early in his childhood with a troubled girl during his adolescence. Instead of learning from his experiences and moving on, keeps picking the same types of women to involve himself with in the hopes that he’ll “fix” the mistakes he made in the past with that first girlfriend with this new girlfriend.
Most Captain-Save-A-Hoes think that they’re good men doing the right thing. They think they have the best interests of the women they involve themselves with at heart. But they have no idea that how their life paradigm takes their lives in the wrong direction.
As they head down the road of life trying to “fix” broken women like single mothers, strippers, runaways, and prostitutes Captain Save-A-Hoe’s life often winds up falling apart. In his quest to make a troubled woman’s life better he often puts his job, health, and even his life at risk. In a lot of cases, a poor hero winds up losing everything as they become overwhelmed by her numerous problems and emotional baggage.
And instead of realizing these troubled women have problems he can’t “fix” on his own, many of these men try to do more of the exact same things they did before with the exact same woman in the hopes of getting a different result.
The rest of the world calls that insanity. But these men call it love.

Most Captain-Save-A-Hoes don’t understand that the pattern of behavior they learned growing up was dysfunctional. And the dysfunctional way they were socialized to relate to people when they were younger is why they gravitate to all those troubled and dysfunctional women. Like attracts like, and the person who is the most troubled is the man with the cape on, not the women he’s involved with.


  1. This is perhaps one of the dumbest things I have ever read, I actually found myself laughing at some of the "points" you try to make. For one I can't really take anyone seriously if they are constantly using the words 'captain save a hoe' in sentences. It's just not eloquent. And I guess I don't understand it either because a lot of this sounds more like " you live & learn" type stuff.. By that I mean, everyone has flaws, everyone has their own weaknesses. I have read some of the other bits you have spewed out, and honestly it just sounds like a mysoginist some how trying to work out their bitterness. I don't mean to offend, but at the same time, yes please do take offense to this comment.

  2. What are some unrealistic demands parents force on their sons... That just sounds unrealistic itself, since it's also not being specific either ...

  3. Another dude in denial.

    Everyone has flaws, but these men are so FUCKED up in the head that they go out of their way looking for screwed up women.

    This is you live and learn stuff, but better to learn it NOW than live it LATER.

    What is an unrealistic demand of a parent of their son?

    Expecting a boy to be absolutely perfect.

    Expecting a boy to be better than his father.

    Expecting a boy to NOT be like their father.

    Captain Save a Hoes are the guys who spend their lives trying to "Fix" broken women like prostitutes, drug addicts, and baby mamas trying to turn them into their ideal woman. These guys wind up disappointed when these same women use them and broom them to the curb broke and bitter.

    Now you may not want to hear the truth, but that's life. And it will kick you in the ass when you don't listen to older people who know better.