Support Shawn's writng with a donation

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Shawn's advice to a Single Mom

There’s a Single mother who’s been posting comments in the Why Real Men Avoid Single Mothers blog. I wanted to take the time to address her specifically. Because she doesn’t see the mistakes that are keeping her single.

What’s keeping her single isn’t the fact that she has a child. While her child and the drama associated with single motherhood is an issue for most men, what’s really turning men away is her personality and her attitude.

Now she says that she makes lots of money, has a great job, and has a dynamite body.

The first mistake she made was leading off by saying she makes lots of money. That’s a total turn-off for a guy. Nothing is more emasculating for a man than hearing from a woman about how much money she makes.

Want to make any guy’s dick get flaccid in a second? Talk about how much money you make. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but once you start bragging about how much money you make it’s game over.

When women start talking about how much money they make it’s clear they want to get into a dick measuring contest with a man.

And no Real Man is going to deal with a woman who tries to compete with him in a dick measuring contest. No, he’s just going to move on. Most men want a partner who will help him, not a rival who will compete with him. He’s got enough of those at his job, and he doesn’t need to come home to another.

The second mistake she made was talking about her job. The last thing a Real Man wants to hear about is a woman’s job. When women talk about their job it’s a sign that she has next to no social life. That she lives at the office and lives through her kids.

The last thing a guy wants to hear about is your job. Again, it’s like you’re trying to get into a dick measuring contest with him. That’s a total turn-off.

Besides, guys who want to spend time with you want to get away from the office. The last thing we want to deal with is someone talking about work all the time. Because that person is going to be a chore to be around.

The woman a man wants to be with is someone he spends time with to relax and have fun with. It’s hard to have fun with someone who is always thinking about work.

I’m a writer. But when I’m out and about socially I don’t talk about writing with other people. Nor do I talk about my books much. Sure I could get a sale or two by talking about books and writing, but I save the shop talk for other professionals.

No, I find topics like movies, art, culture, comedy and current events to talk about with people who I want to be social with. By talking about these things I give people a clearer picture of who I am as a person outside of my work. That picture tells them if I’m interesting enough to want to spend time with.

Talking to guys isn’t a job interview. No one cares about your degrees, your job or how much money you make. Having a Master’s Degree and knowing how to type 55 words a minute isn’t a selling point in social situations.

Having a great smile is the strongest selling point in social situations. Want to draw men to you like a magnet? Have a great smile. That tells us that you’re open, friendly and available.

Men remember a smile. And they take time out of their day to talk to women with a smile on their face.

I suggest this woman try practicing smiling in the mirror at least twice a day. Smiling will help her start to radiate positive energy. And that positive energy is going to attract positive people to her like the good men in her community.

Having a sense of humor is a selling point in social situations. Another big draw to a guy is a woman who can tell a great joke. So many women these days are just…bland. They don’t know how to laugh or how to make anyone else laugh.

And it also benefits a woman to be pleasant, and friendly, and kind. Those three things are considered valuable assets for a woman to bring to the table for a man. In a world where men are constantly being torn down every day, they want to come home to a pleasant, friendly woman who can help build them back up by helping them melt their stresses away.

And the biggest selling point for a woman is the ability to cook. Want to really leave a powerful first impression on a man? Know how to cook several spectacular dishes.

A woman who can make some great fried Whiting or amazing Lasagna to me shows me more about her than her six-figure job, her Luxury car, or her big house.

I don’t know if this is the same woman, but she leaves a comment saying that she just wants to have a no-strings attached sexual relationship with a man.

Basically she’s just telling me she’s given up. That she’s desperate. And that she’s willing to lower her standards.

What she doesn’t understand is that sex for women is completely different than it is for a man. Men can fuck just about any woman that offers him her body and not be fazed emotionally. However, Women tend to invest their emotions into sex. When they offer a man their body, they’re actually offering them him herself. So while a woman says there are no strings, there actually are strings when they ask for sex with that stranger.

From the sounds of her comment, she’s desperately, anxiously hoping to make a human connection with a man. And is willing to take a bad connection with anyone rather than be alone.

I say she’s selling herself too short.

Long-term that’s not a good look for her. All she’s doing is showing men that she’s willing to compromise her character just to get a nut off. That’s a terrible trade off of her personal power for physical gratification.

When a woman lowers her standards like that, all she’s going to do radiate the negative energy that attracts low-grade losers to her.

And I believe this woman has worked too hard to build herself up to allow herself to be torn down by that kind of bum.

I’d definitely advise this woman to keep her standards up. If you’re a class woman, stay classy. Because not all sex is good sex.

And a woman getting involved in jumpoff situations when she has kids sets a bad precedent for them. Your kids indirectly learn from your actions. And when they see strange men having sex with mommy, they think it’s okay to have multiple sexual partners when they grow up.

I know from personal experience that the body does get a little out of whack when one hasn’t had a sexual release for a long time. You get edgy, anxious and tense. But getting involved with any old dude for a sexual release isn’t going to help her long-term. A good dick attached to a bad man just makes things worse.

If she really needs a sexual release, I suggest she masturbates. Masturbation will help release all that sexual tension and help her relax. It’ll help get her hormones back in balance and mellow her moods.

Plus masturbation will also help you get in touch with your body and help you become more in tuned with it. When you know how you like to be touched, you can share with your man how you like to be pleasured.

And the best thing about masturbation is that you wind up clearing your head. So you won’t wind up making irrational emotional decisions like hooking up with mediocre guys for bad sex.

There are some great shower attachments out there with nice long flexible hoses that’ll take that edge off. Set the nozzle to spray, apply them to the clitoris and have one of the best orgasms of your life!

Yeah, you’re a single mom. And it’s a hard situation dating after divorce. But that doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause. It just means that you have to change your attitude. When you change your approaches to life, you change who approaches you. Like attracts like, and positive people are attracted to other positive people.


  1. Hi Shawn. You got a few things wrong about me but I am not going to nitpick. I like many of your suggestions and am happy that you have revealed your sensitive side. I knew you were a good guy.

  2. After hearing your story I felt you needed some advice. I didn't want you to make a mistake that would only exacerbate your situation.

  3. Absolutely good stuff here. I can go on POF right now and browse through some profiles and yawn away at the women who think I want to measure their ambitious dicks. Thankfully, at this rate, they won't be procreating and can help deepen the gene pool once again.

  4. ...and some single parents wonder WHY they stay single.

  5. Very good blog. I am a single mother not by choice, husband killed in Iraq while serving for his country. I would hate it if someone constantly reminded me that they make more money than me, money can't buy love. My Grandmother taught me "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.I did read your other blog, I understand where you're coming from. I met lots of single mothers who acted the way you talked about in your previous blog, actually I hate those women,I would like to choke them out, lol.

    1. You are not a single mother. You are a widow. This is respectful