Support Shawn's writng with a donation

Monday, January 28, 2013

Shawn Responds to Comments on his Why Real Men Avoid Single Mothers Blog

In a previous blog I listed many of the reasons why Real Men like myself avoid Single mothers. While most of the responses I got from the men were positive, there were some comments from women filled with the usual shaming language and deflections.

Some tried to minimize me by saying my piece wasn’t an article but a rant.

Here’s the deal: This is a BLOG. A blog is not meant to be an article. It’s not meant to meet the journalistic standards of newspaper reporting. Blogs are the express written views of a writer of the piece.

I have clearly stated on numerous occasions, this blog is a place where I promote my paperback books and eBooks. It’s also a place where I present my opinion of issues in the African-American community. My views on single mothers fits within that mission.

Others think that I’m a bitter guy who was dumped or treated badly by a single mother.

I’m not bitter at all. I have great relationships with women. Over the course of my life I’ve had many women friends and I’ve had girlfriends. Most of my experiences with women have been extremely positive.

In fact, I’m single by choice. I haven’t dated in years because I’ve been focused on building my writing and publishing business. I’d like to have something to bring to the table before I get seriously involved with a woman.

For everyone’s information, I actually am the product of a single parent home. And many of the things women accuse me of generalizing about I’ve seen up close and personal here in the South Bronx. Living in the South Bronx, the single mother capital of the United States, I have experienced or observed firsthand the numerous out of pocket behaviors of single mothers.

So when I say the ex/Baby Daddy is always there I know it for a fact. This man will always be a part of that woman’s life. He will be there when a man steps to this woman and he will be there when he leaves.

He has a right to be there.

And he has a right to say who is involved with that woman because whoever he is he’s indirectly involved with his child.

And if you’re a man trying to get involved with a single mother you must understand that this guy is going to still have residual feelings for this woman. And she’s still going to have feelings for him.

So a man’s chances of getting cockblocked are high when dating a single mother are high. Very high.

Just like the chances of him being used as a pawn by Single mothers are also extremely high. In my neighborhood, I have seen women use men in an effort to make their baby daddy jealous. They were never serious about dating these guys, but only seeing them in an effort to make that Baby Daddy see them as valuable.

I know for a FACT from many of my travels here in the Bronx on the bus that some of these women call up the baby’s father just to tell him they’re seeing a guy in an attempt to make him jealous. Some of them try to have him over when the father is supposed to pick up the kids for visitation in an attempt to get some drama going in the hopes of stirring up his emotions and riling him up.

I only wanted brothers to understand this so they wouldn’t allow themselves to get played or caught up in a dangerous situation. In my neighborhood I have seen men getting into fistfights over single moms. I have heard of men getting stabbed over single moms. And a few have even been killed fighting over a single mom.

What a lot of brothers don’t know is that the father of many of these single moms children are ex-cons, drug dealers, gang bangers and other lowlife people who have nothing to lose. Another bid in prison means nothing to them. They just want to get the guy she’s dating out of the picture.

But if you are a guy who has worked hard to establish himself, you have EVERYTHING TO LOSE getting involved with a single mother. Seriously, it’s not worth the risk getting involved with a single mother. A man could lose his career, his business or even his life dealing with these women and their drama.

I know for a fact that these women are manipulative. I know for a fact that when they can’t get their way with their baby’s father they call up a guy telling them a sob story with extra salty tears. And in an attempt to defend her honor, some of the guys who date these single moms run out playing Captain-Save-A-Hoe with Mickey Mouse galoshes on and their cape flapping in the wind and wind up getting their asses kicked by Baby Daddy when they pick a fight with him.

Again, some of these men wind up DEAD as a result of this drama. In addition to seeing it in my neighborhood, I have seen thousands of news stories about these situations growing up.

And in all these instances, Single Mom sits back with a smile on her face as these guys throw down. She’s smug knowing she has two fools she can control and manipulate to do her bidding.

All I’m trying to do is let brothers know what’s up so they don’t fall for the game.

When I say single moms have a Jekyll & Hyde personality I know this to be true from seeing these women running around my South Bronx Neighborhood.

I’ve seen these women put up a nice and sweet fa├žade to get a man interested in her. Then around the six-month mark they reveal their true character. That’s when the monster comes out. That’s when she projects all the RAGE she feels towards her child’s father out on a dude.

I’ve heard the screaming and yelling through the walls of my apartment. I’ve watched it on the street. I’ve seen the dumbfounded WTF? Looks on guys faces. Many of these dudes don’t see it coming. These brothers think they’re involved with a decent lady at first. Then she goes on a rampage and soon he’s so anxious he’s afraid to know where to step because he doesn’t know if he’ll step on a mine that will blow up in his face.

I tell men this so they can understand the danger they’re putting themselves into. These Jekyll and Hyde personality shifts sometimes include acts of violence. Yes, these women will put their hands on you when they start shit up with you.

And when a man tries to defend himself from that violence, she’ll call the police.

Or worse, she’ll call Baby Daddy.

And this dude will come in the house looking for trouble. In these situations fists usually fly.

Either which way a man can wind up in jail for domestic violence, or a body bag. And it’s your word against theirs. Because in these situations all of a sudden Baby Mama will turn on you and help out Baby Daddy.

And it’s your word against theirs. And I guarantee you men that you won’t win.

Brothers, all I’m trying to do is warn you. What you read here might save your life.

When I say that the kids are working against you I speak from experiencing my fellow classmates in elementary school, middle school and in high school. I’ve gone to school with kids who were always angry. And they were always angry about this dude invading their personal space. Who see this man as a stranger. Who resent him for taking the place of the man they know as their father.

And children who will resent your authority as a man and will make extraordinary efforts to challenge it. It’s not common for kids to accuse a man they don’t like of physical abuse. It’s not common for kids to accuse a man they don’t like of sexual abuse.

Again, these kids have NOTHING TO LOSE by eliminating you or destroying you. But YOU DO. Defending yourself from false abuse/molestation accusations can cost a man his reputation, his time and money. And in the process of defending oneself it can cost a man his career and everything he’s worked for.

And if these kids aren’t accusing you of something you DIDN’T do, they’re calling up Baby Daddy and telling him lies. They’ll say they’ve been hit when a man tells them to do their homework. They’ll tell him they’ve been beaten when all a man does is turn off the video game.

On hearing these lies from Baby Mama’s kids, Baby Daddy will rush in like the Incredible Hulk on a rampage. He’s hot and ready for a fight. You won’t even see the fists coming.

As I stated before, here in the South Bronx dudes have gotten their ass kicked over trying to discipline another man’s out-of-control kids. They’ve gotten arrested dealing with some other man’s out-of-control kids. And in some cases, they’ve gotten killed over it.

Why is dealing with the kids of a Single mom a bad situation for a man? Because a man will NEVER be able to be the leader of your household when involved with a single mom. In between the kids, the Baby Daddy/ you as a MAN will NEVER be able to control or direct your household if you decide to marry a Single Mom. Everyone but YOU will have a say in how your home is run. You are paying all the bills for a home where you have no say over anything and everyone else is dictating everything.

It’s an emasculating situation to be in. Men who date single moms get no respect from the women they’re involved in or their kids. They’re just treated like an ATM machine and a JOKE. What man wants to live in a home where makes NO DECISIONS? What man wants to live in a home where his needs are DEAD LAST?

A Simp Maybe. A Mangina definitely. But I don’t know a Real Man alive who would do that.
When I say a man won’t get any respect when he dates a single mom it’s because I hear the conversations of these women on the bus, in the street, on the train and in the supermarket. I hear how they talk about us men. How they get with their girlfriends, how they get on their cell phones, mock and laugh at the guys they date. How they compare a man to their ex. How they say a man’s dick is smaller than their ex. How a man can’t fuck like their ex. How the man they’re dating is boring. And how they’re just using him to get their credit card bills paid or to get stuff out of him.

Most guys who date single mothers have no idea that they’re just TOOLS that these women use. It’s rare that a single Mom ever cares about a man she gets involved in; most are just ends to a mean for them. Spare dick when they need sex, an ATM machine they get money from, and a babysitter when she wants to have a girl’s night out. A Pullman Porter doing cleanup duty for another man’s woman and another man’s kids.

When I wrote that blog advising men to avoid single mothers it was to let men understand their value as a man. Men who value themselves don’t sell themselves short by getting involved with women who carry a bunch of baggage. Real Men know this is a world with six billion people in it. And life is just too short to be some woman’s Pullman Porter cleaning up her messes and taking out her garbage.


  1. You're right, and even if one out of that enormous bunch of moms is actually working hard and fully supporting herself and her kids, the odds are that that's not the one you meet.

    Even if you do, do you really want sloppy seconds? She has living proof walking around that shes been with other men. Most of us are with virgins, but do you really want that constant reminder?

    And If she can take care of herself, that means she has no time for anything else, least of all you. It would still end up the same. The minute you come up, she sees someone to save her, then where's her incentive to work hard and clean up her mess? You are the new cleaner, and it ain't your mess.

  2. Sarcasm is the sincerest form of flattery. But it still doesn't change anything regarding the status (or lack of status) they have in the dating scene. No man expects a virgin, but no man wants to be a garbage man either. Brothers, don't settle for less and God will give you the best.

  3. Sorry, I typed the above post but didn't spell check so it came off as sarcasm. I didn't mean it I be.

    What I meant was:
    Most of us are NOT dating virgins, but another mans' offspring are a constant reminder that the women has slept around.

    I was serious, maybe 1 out of 10 single moms isnt on welfare and supporting themselves but in those rare cases, she will be so busy paying for her mistakes that she wouldn't have any time to devote to forming a relationship.

    I'm sorry my first post came across wrong. I dated a single mom once, and not even close to the kind that supports herself and it was amazing how quickly it went from "I love you" to "you're now the provider for me and my kids. "

    I was smart enough to leave.

  4. Not only do I agree with your blog's post, but I'd like to add, if you're a Black man dating a black single mother, then the drama is doubled...and possibly tripled.

    I was recently on a dating website and came across two black women who were contributing to the site's question asking forums. Two black women were asking essentially the same question, which was: Why can't I find a white man who'll be in a long term relationship with me? Now could you imagine any Black man making the mistake of dating these women...especially if they had kids!

    Like you I'd also caution Black men about dating these women by saying, that BEFORE you even get to the problems you'll encounter with another woman's have to deal with all the drama and hell this woman will bring into your life; ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A BLACK MAN and she's a black woman.

    Black women have no idea how they're viewed by the public because of their attitudes, are clueless about how much they themselves hate being black, AND aren't aware in the least how conditioned they are to hate Black men. They also don't realize that because of this NO MAN wants to be with a black woman...whether they be white, Black, asian, latino...Black women have given themselves such a bad name by their behavior that the majority of men don't want to be around them for more than a night.

    I've had instances with a black woman who had kids saying she wanted to be in a long term relationship with me and then, when we disagreed on something, 'THE BLACK WOMAN'S ATTITUDE' CAME OUTTA' NOWHERE! I thought to myself, "Another black woman who's conditioned to hate Black men and doesn't know it!"

    So to any man out there...and especially Black men; it would seriously behoove you to avoid these women like the plague!!

  5. this post is too real for 95% of humanity

    keep em' comin

  6. Shawn, you're right. Single mothers need to focus on raising their kids, but all they do is raise hell. Any self respecting man should run for the hills from these hussies. And who'd wanna raise their brats. Single mothers act entitled, think they're fine, but they don't know how repulsive they are. Instead of cleaning up their act, they get worse by bedding hungry dogs, creating love triangles just to get attention. A man with half a brain would avoid this hussy- they're ratchet and no good. Train your kids, raise your kids, and stop acting sp nasty. Men need to stop being so needy and stop falling into these hussies' traps. They just want subsidies. Don't be a fool!