Support Shawn's writng with a donation

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Mistakes Nice Guys Make In the Dating Scene

In the dating scene, Nice Guys finish last. And there are clear reasons why. These include:
An unrealistic view of women. Because most Nice guys get most of their experiences regarding women from their mother, Madison Avenue and Hollywood, they go around looking for women who look like supermodels and have the values and personality of their mothers. This distorted view usually winds up with Nice guys overlooking many great women who could be interested in him.

Thinking all women are the same. One of the biggest mistakes Nice Guys make is thinking every woman is just like the first woman in his life…His Mother. And because he puts his mother on a pedestal and thinks she’s perfect, he thinks all other women in the world regardless of their actions or character should be regarded as highly as well.

Thinking all women are “sweet and innocent”. Because most Nice Guys usually come from an overly close relationship with their mothers they think that all women are innocent like he thinks she is. This leads to him winding up treating all women the same even though all women don’t deserve the same treatment.

Nice Guys need to understand that not all women are the same, not all women are perfect, but all women have flaws. Some of these women out here don’t have a man’s best intentions at heart.

Thinking all women are good .When a nice guy enters the dating scene for the first time he thinks all women are good just like he thinks his mother is. He doesn’t understand that there are different types of women in the world. Worse he doesn’t know how to differentiate between them. This inability to differentiate between women is why Nice Guys often become the target of lowlife females such as gold-diggers, neighborhood, hoes, and other female predators.

Pursuing Women who are WAY out of his league. A Nice guy is caught up in pursuing the girls of his dreams. That’s why he always fixates on women who look like movie stars and Playboy models. And it’s why he usually finishes last.

Because all those movie star/model types he tries to pursue are always saying NO to him.

What the Nice Guy doesn’t understand is that most men and women pursue people who are like themselves. People who share similar values, ideas and beliefs. But because Nice Guys spend their time looking at the bodies of women, they don’t see a woman’s internal character traits. This is why they miss out on all the women out there and wind up dead last in the dating scene.

Fixating on one woman A common Nice Guy trait is to fixate on one woman. Most Nice guys will spend valuable time looking from afar at this one object of affection and putting her on a pedestal. And when she rejects him his world comes crashing down.

All of this valuable time a Nice guy spends fixating on that girl of his dreams is time he's wasting. Time that's precious. Time that he can't get back. What's worse is that after he's rejected he wastes even more time moping and whining about the one that got away instead of casting a line to see if there are more fish in the sea that will bite.

What Most Nice Guys don’t understand is that it takes a lot of NOs to get to YES. A Real Man talks to a lot of women to get to the one that will express interest in him. And because he’s talking to a lot of women it doesn’t faze him when women say no to him. He knows sooner or later a woman will say yes to him.

Doing the same things over and over again. In a Nice Guy’s world it takes a lot of NO to get to YES. Unfortunately, he keeps asking the same woman over and over again. Some may say this approach is persistence. That he’s wearing her down.

The law calls it stalking.

Nice Guys don’t understand the concept of time. And that Time is precious, more precious than money because we can’t get it back. Every second a Nice Guy spends chasing the object of his fantasies is time he could be spending pursuing Real Women who would be interested in sharing their time with him. If a woman says she’s not interested, charge her to the game and keep it moving.

Having no masculine energy. Because a Nice Guy comes from a close relationship with his mother he often radiates an asexual energy. And what he doesn’t understand is that this energy he projects often makes him repel all women except elderly women. Elderly women who see the Nice Guy in a childlike way.
Nice guys don’t understand that a man needs to radiate a masculine presence when he walks around to attract the attention of the women around him, especially the women in his age range. Without that masculine energy those women won’t see a man as sexually attractive.

Having no confidence. When it comes to approaching the opposite sex, Nice guys are afraid to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. Because he’s afraid to act, Nice guys watch as life passes them by.
It takes confidence to go for what a man wants. And because most Nice Guys are too afraid to fail, they don’t make definitive decisions to go for what they want. Confident guys go for what they want, and do what they have to do in order to do what they want to do.

Stepping to women sideways. Nice Guys love to play the friend to women in the hopes of eventually being lovers. Not understanding that going this route never works. Worse, they don’t understand WHY going sideways always fails.

What nice guys don’t understand is that there are men women want to be friends with and men they want to fuck. And if a man is in the friend zone, she’s never going to see him as someone who is sexually attractive. And the reason why they see these men as friends is because they don’t see them as radiating masculine sexual energy that shows them as sexually desirable.

Most women usually know within five seconds of meeting someone that they decide whether or not they see them as a potential sexual partner. So all a Nice Guy’s his efforts to win a woman’s favor by being her friend are wasted time.

No eye contact. Nice guys often miss most social cues when it comes to women. And the main one that they miss most is eye contact. Eye contact is usually how women express their interest in men and if a woman can’t catch your eyes, they won’t be able to give you that look that lets them know they’re available. Because they’re too busy looking at the floor, they miss what’s going on in the world around them.

Poor timing. When a nice guy sees a woman he’s interested in he often doesn’t make his move when he first makes initial eye contact. Instead he often spends his time thinking about making a move or what he wants to say. What he doesn’t know is that while he hesitates TIME is being lost. And every second he spends analyzing and hesitating are moments that women see that he has no confidence.
In the dating scene it’s all about timing. Once a man makes that eye contact and a woman is expressing interest, a man HAS to MAKE THAT MOVE and introduce himself.

Afraid to express how they feel. Along with that hesitancy to act at the right time, Nice Guys are afraid to say what needs to be said. Nice guys hold all their feelings in and try to wait for that “special moment” they’ve seen in movies and TV shows to make their move.
What they don’t understand is that there are no special moments in life like that. Real Men let women know what their feelings and intentions are from minute one after making eye contact and introducing themselves.

Weak body language. Nice guys stand out in a crowd. For all the wrong reasons. Any predator can easily notice them by their lack of eye contact, slouching, passiveness and other nonverbal communications. This body language lets everyone know a Nice Guy is WEAK. And when predators see a man as weak, they go in for the KILL.

Strong body language repels predators and attracts strong people. When a man stands tall, strong with his head held high, he’s going to notice the world around him. And the people in the world will notice him. That’s why confident men have no problem finding great women.

Too accommodating A Nice Guy has only one answer for a woman: YES. And because he always says YES it leads to him getting NO RESPECT. A man who is accommodating is someone who is seen as a doormat. What Most Nice Guys don’t understand is that women want a man who will challenge her.

Moreover, she wants a man who will set boundaries. A man who won’t stand up for himself by saying no to her is someone who won’t be able to stand up with her when times get tough.

Inability to say NO. Nice guys hate to say one word to women….NO. Because they compare all women to their saintly mothers and put them on pedestals, they have a hard time establishing boundaries. And part of boundary setting is saying NO.

To a Nice Guy, saying No to a woman is akin to cursing out his mother. But Saying NO to a woman is actually a good thing. A woman actually wants to hear it. Saying No is a sign that a man has a backbone. That he’ll stand up for himself. That he will be the leader of a relationship instead of a follower.

Too eager A nice guy wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s so anxious for attention from women that they can smell it in the air. That’s what makes him an easy target for predators. When a man is too eager, he goes from being the leader to being led, misled and manipulated.

Tries too Hard One of the biggest mistakes Nice Guys make is trying too hard. What most Nice Guys don’t understand is it’s not about effort, but about execution.

When a man tries too hard and puts forth too much effort they show how eager they are to win the attention of a woman. That makes him give up his personal power.

When a man knows how to approach women he doesn’t have to try. He is confident and secure in himself to know that what he’s doing will work.

Too Avaialble. Along with being too accommodating, Nice Guys are too available. All a woman has to do is ask and they drop everything to do whatever she wants. When a man does that he shows that he’s WEAK.

Guys, remember just because a woman asks something doesn’t mean you have to say YES all the time. Part of healthy relationships is having time for yourself. And in order to have that time for yourself means you set boundaries. If you honestly can’t make something, then don’t be afraid to say no.

Taking things to extremes.  When a Nice Guy is told to change he often takes it too far. Instead of just asserting himself and establishing boundaries, he turns into a jerk. What he doesn’t understand is that all he’s doing is being the Mr. Hyde to the Dr. Jekyll.

Part of what makes a Real Man a Real Man is his ability to be balanced. He knows when to assert himself and when to be laid back. Because he clearly states his intentions and sets boundaries from day one women  know how far to go with him and where they’re going with him. But because the Nice Guy has no standards or focus he winds up lost when it comes to women.

Guys, there’s nothing wrong with being kind. But when a man is too giving, too accommodating and too available it reeks of insecurity. When a woman sees a man as insecure it repels them. Nice guys need to understand that no woman wants to be some man’s second mother. What a woman wants is a man who will be a loving caring partner who will share with her in a relationship, not someone who is needy and co-dependent on her.


  1. Great post, and I couldn’t agree more. I just read a great book actually that goes along with this post very well. It’s called “The Club Rules” by Johnny Mac and Kimberly D. You can check them and the book out on their website It’s a great book. Thanks for this post, and for the insight.

  2. Brett, thanks for the comment and the tip. I'll check out the book.