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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

What Do Black Women Bring to the Table?

Twenty years ago many Black women often asked Black Men what they brought to the table when they wanted to be in a relationship with them. 

And when they asked about what a man had to offer they often requested material things. Things such as an education from an Ivy-league university, work at a high profile job, own a home in an affluent neighborhood, drive a luxury car and wear expensive designer clothes. 

Fast forward to today. With the tables turned, now Black Men are asking what Black women bring to the table. However, when they ask what Black Women offer in a relationship the list is totally different. Their requests relate more to internal character traits than material possessions. 

And character is an area where a majority of Black women fail miserably. Most Black women are so focused on the material aspects a man has to offer in a relationship that they don’t focus on providing for a man’s emotional needs. Worse, they’re so focused on achieving material accomplishments that they don’t consider what they bring to a relationship in terms of spiritual intangibles. 

What do Black men want Black Women to bring to the table? Here’s a little list of some of the things Black men want from a partner in a relationship:

Trust. Most brothers want a woman who is secure enough in herself to believe in him and have enough faith in him to do right by her. Moreover they want a woman who believes in herself that she’ll do what’s best for their relationship. 

Loyalty. Most brothers want a woman who will stand by them. A Black man wants to know his woman will be there not only when times are good but, when times are bad. They want to know their woman will stand by them when they lose a job, go through a period of unemployment or when a close family member dies. They want to know that the person closest to them will have the courage to stand with them in their time of need and during their time of crisis.

Tact. There’s a right way and a wrong way to say something. And a good woman knows she has to consider her man’s feelings when she speaks to him. Most women who have long satisfying relationships with men know a little tact goes a long way. Moreover, they understand a soft answer turns away wrath and persuades others to see their position.

Support. Most brothers want a woman who has enough faith in them to encourage them. A shoulder to lean on, a sympathetic ear to hear their problems. A partner who will work with them towards achieving their dreams. 

Honor Most Black men want a partner who will present herself in a way that reflects positively on both of them. A woman who will respect herself enough to not do things that reflect badly on them in public or reflect badly on herself. A woman who loves herself enough not to do things that will embarrass her man and herself like acting out in public, wearing sexually suggestive clothing, or saying things that will turn others away. 

An Open line of Communication Black Men are looking for a woman who is willing to talk to them, not talk at them. They want a partner who will see them as an equal and speak to them as an adult. Moreover, they want someone who will work with them at discussing solutions, not complaining about problems. 

A Positive Attitude Black men want a woman who is pleasant to be around. Someone who has an optimistic outlook on life. Someone who brightens their day. Someone with a hopeful perspective. A woman with a positive attitude is someone people want to be around and someone a man is eager to come home to. 

Friendly A wife is a Man’s best female friend. And a man wants someone who he can confide in and share with. Someone who trusts him enough to share with him Someone who he loves spending time with. Someone who makes his eyes light up when he sees her.

Kind A man wants a woman who is polite. Someone nice enough to think of him just like he thinks of her. Someone who lives by the Christian principles of do unto others as they do unto you and Someone who loves him as she loves herself. Someone who will consider his feelings the same way he considers her feelings.

A sense of humor After a hard day in a racist world, a Black man loves to laugh. And a woman who can tell a joke is someone who he’d love to come home to. A woman who can tell a joke and share a laugh is someone who brings a lot to the table in a relationship. A woman with a sense of humor is someone who can help a man through the hard times. 

Honest The second most important thing a woman can bring to the table in a relationship is honesty. Next to trust it’s the one of the core foundations of building a rock-solid relationship. When a woman is honest, a man has faith in her that she’ll work with him towards making their relationship it can be. 

A Smile A woman’s smile can break the ice. It can also make a man feel better about his life after a hard day in the world. For Black men who experience racism and hostility every day, coming home to a smile gives them the hope to go back out in the world the next day and face it.

The ability to cook. The old saying is the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And women who can cook bring a tremendous asset to the relationship table. There’s nothing like a good home cooked meal that can get a man excited about being with a woman. 

Wise. Educated is being taught enough to gain an understanding of something. Smart is the ability to use that knowledge to one’s advantage. But Wisdom is the experience to apply knowledge to everyday life. And a woman who is wise can help a man get ahead in the world. 

Heart  A woman has to have passion. A love for life. A spirit filled with energy that radiates out to others. This liveliness can uplift a man’s soul and ignite a spark in him. It makes his chemistry swirl and makes him want to be around her. A woman with heart makes a man feel like he’s better off with her than he was without her. 

Self-love A woman who loves herself loves who she is. She knows she’s valuable because God made her. A woman loves herself is someone who can love others. She’s the kind of person who a man can connect with and get close to.

Love The ability to give and share is the cornerstone of a great relationship. Being able to give and share requires someone to trust and allow themselves to be open to a man so he can connect with her and get close to her.

Creativity A woman who has an imagination and can think out of the box is a woman who a man wants to be around. She’s the kind of woman who can turn some sandwiches and a couple of cans of soda into a picnic, the kind of woman who can turn the time spent in a damp basement into a magical evening. She’s the kind of woman who can create memories a man can never forget because she understands it’s not what she has but how she uses it. 

 Its’ these little things that men appreciate most about women. It’s these little things that make for long-lasting satisfying relationships. And these are the things Black men want Black women to bring to the table when they’re ready to commit in a relationship with them. None of these things cost any money, but they’re what men value most about a relationship with a woman. 

Unfortunately, it’s these little things that many Black women don’t see as valuable. Many are so busy chasing the dollar that they don’t understand it’s the little things in life that have the greatest value to a man. Being with a woman who can share those small moments are what make the memories of a great relationship. 

So when a man asks what a woman brings to the table, He wants to know what she has to offer in terms of character and values. He cares more about the contents of her character than the contents of her wallet. It’s not what a woman has, but how she uses it. 

So Sistas, what do you bring to the table? 


  1. I'm afraid I'm still mulling this one over, Shawn, and will be for some time to come. From my list of friends, I don't any women in the past who demanded of men what you list here. Character and honor were always the chief desires of the women I know in men they desired.

    So, while your list is admirable, it demands far more than anyone I know ever demanded of men. I would put the first demand of both men as women as being God-loving and full to the brim with respect for themseves and the world they live in, indeed the universe. All things to follow. Since material things are so will-o-the-wisp, i wouldn't put too much emphasis on them. They're nice, of course.

    I'd be interested in seeing you write a blog on the comments you get on this blog. It should really be interesting.

    1. If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

      Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

      Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

      Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

      And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

      Insert subject line here and link it to: Your ex won’t be able to resist?

      Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

      It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

      And even begging to be with you.

      Here’s what I’m talking about:

      Insert subject line here and link it to: Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

      Thanks again.


  2. Totally true.....and I am a single good black man. You hit the nail on the head.

  3. Do you think that women of other races are perfect or something? I'm sick of the way people always pick on us black women. So we don't want some drugged out homeless bum with nothing to offer when we work our tails off? What's so wrong with that???? Give me a break!!! Black men like you are part of the problem with hatred of black women!

    1. Er...all this emotion and no critical thinking. Did you read the blog at all?

  4. As a multi-racial chick with black being one of them...this is a great blog. A man should be able to have a safety line - a woman. I always got stumped in answering this question. I can say, 'not anymore'! It is nothing wrong with being a business woman, but lack of any the qualities above put you in the same category as all these new millenium chicks out here. Everything you mentioned is that ol school teaching that most woman are missing today. That's why relationships are a thing of the past because the goodness in people are gone from life experiences. Set yourself apart from all the rest and take heed to the qualities above to get and KEEP a man!!!

  5. I agree with the blog. I'm a fairly new divorce woman if 21 years of marriage. It's a trip to date but the men I choose to spend my time with I can appreciate them having these qualities, but if you're trying to put yourself in the dating game and these are the these you want in a woman you better be able to display these qualities on the flip side. If you can't come with your A game then wait until you can get yourself together. Although I'm in no hurry to marry again, even going on a date, don't waste my time because you know when your game or character flaws or raggedy. Because I'm going to carry on. I want what you want!!