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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Cheating is Just Too Much Work

I’m lazy when it comes to relationships. As I see it cheating just takes too much work.

All that running around with two or more women is just too much work. Planning for two different dates with two different women every week would wrack my mind. All the phone tag back and forth with them. It’s hard enough maintaining a schedule when you’re with one woman; that becomes a bigger headache when you’re out with two of them.

And spending money for two different dates with two different women every week would practically drain a man’s wallet. It costs over $100 for dinner and a movie these days. Spending another $100 or more for on dinner and a movie with another woman means a dude would either have no lights, no food, no cable or wind up behind on their rent.

Seriously, the sex can’t be worth sitting in the dark. And it can’t be worth starving. I mean a dude can steal out the fridge at work, but come on, enduring somebody else’s diabetic ham sandwich or their low-calorie hummus can’t be worth it.

I’d rather eat my own home-made meatloaf than pay for two women to eat at Red Lobster or Applebee’s.

Then there’s keeping two different schedules. And when you’re on a date keeping your cell phone away from one woman so the other doesn’t see her number.

Hoping, wishing, and praying you don’t run into one woman when you’re out with the other.

Cheating doesn’t seem like fun. It just seems like a chore. Again, it’s just seems like a lot of work to get in another woman’s bed. Having sex with one woman is a labor intensive effort with the foreplay, romantic games, and the eventual intercourse. A dude would have to have superhuman stamina to sexually satisfy two of them at the same time. At the end of the day somebody’s getting sloppy seconds.

And it ain’t the ladies.

I don’t see how people have affairs. From where I sit cheating is just too much work.

Seriously is the sex that good? Is it worth it? I know stolen waters are sweet at first, but they leave a bitter taste in your mouth afterward.

Not to mention venereal diseases and illegitimate children.

And the secrecy- It’s just too much effort. It’s just a pain in the behind trying to keep the lies and the details of those lies straight. Telling different stories and trying to keep them consistent. Hiding receipts. Looking out for the mailman so you can get the credit card statement so your wife or your woman doesn’t find the charges on there for the other woman’s dates or her gifts. Wondering when your woman is going to figure out even though you work a kajillion hours of overtime on your job you’re always broke.

I tell you it sounds like a headache.

Now I know relationships are hard work. But putting in this kind of overtime for a little extra side pussy just isn’t worth it for me. I mean cheating on a woman is like working two jobs. Two crappy jobs at that. With low pay and next to no benefits.

Seriously guys, the sex can’t be that good. And if you’ve seen one naked woman you’ve seen them all. I know most women don’t look like Playboy models, but most wives and girlfriends are better looking than the women that most men cheat with.

Looking at the chicks guys cheat with they look like a step down. A HUGE step down. Like the hoes Eliot Spitzer and Tiger Woods cheated on their wives with. I mean Eliot got a #9 from the escort service, but take the make-up and fancy clothes off her and she’s a 0. And all the chicks Tiger Woods ran through were just par for the course.

And then there’s the chick Arnold Schwarzenegger cheated on Maria Shriver with. Seriously, is the sex that good from a bustdown like that?

I mean, some of the chicks these guys cheat with look like shit. What do dudes see in them? Is the sex THAT good? Or do they have great personalities? A sense of humor? What do they offer a man that the woman they’re with currently with doesn’t?

Even if there is an attraction between a man and another woman in an affair I have to ask: Is cheating worth the sleepless nights? The worries? The anxieties? The stress?

I don’t think it is.

Then again I’m lazy about relationships. I’d rather work with the woman I’ve got than run around behind her back. If things aren’t working out just cut her loose and move on. It’s a lot cleaner that way. Leaves me free and clear to pursue someone who I could be happy with.

I’m not dating anyone right now. But let me tell you I’d rather stay single than cheat.

At least I know where I stand.

Besides it’s just better to just casually date until you’re ready to make a commitment. Everything is out in the open. And you’re both being honest with each other. No strings, no headaches, No worries. No lawyers. No divorce. No alimony. No child support. No stress.

I don’t see what people see in cheating. From my vantage point in life it just looks like too much work. I’d rather just stay single than deal with all that drama. Cheating is just too much work. 

1 comment:

  1. A humerous slant on a serious subject. Your're talking sense, my good man, and cheating is not about good sense. Men and women cheat because they're afraid of being too close to one person without a spare if that one hurts them.

    Some people intend to hurt you before you can hurt them. Lord, I guess there's a million reasons for a million people.

    That notwithstanding, I'd like to make this required reading for every dating man or woman. Let's let the married ones in on this too, The same logic applies. The reasons you give for not cheating are funny-bone chuckles, but it's been a facet of our lives since time immmemorial. Please know that you have done us all a favor and for that, I thank you.