Tricks of a SIMP

What is a SIMP? A Simp is a guy who spends lots and lots of money to win a woman’s affection. Moreover, he’s a spineless brown-noser with no backbone who agrees and co-signs with everything a woman says and does in the hopes of getting into her pants.

What does a SIMP look like? The behaviors of these men are pretty easy to notice. Simps usually follow a pattern of behavior that’s easy to identify such as:

Looking at only the “prettiest and sexiest” women When it comes to pursuing relationships, a Simp gets tunnel vision. In his world a woman has to look like a supermodel or a movie star for him to consider approaching her for a date. Because Simps can’t see all the women out there, they miss out on all the great opportunities at romance and women willing to commit to long-term relationships. Ironically, their focus on appearance  leads to them being wide open for the predators of the world like chicken heads, gold-diggers and baby mamas.

Focusing on one woman. When it comes to looking the dating scene, some simps will focus on one woman and one woman only. That tunnel vision prevents him from seeing all the other women out there that are interested in him. Because a simp has low self-esteem, he can’t see his own value and that keeps him from showing people who care about him what he has to offer in terms of character.

Inability to understand social cues. Because a Simp is so thirsty for a woman’s affection, he can’t see social cues. He doesn’t take the time to study body language or read facial expressions. He can’t feel the vibes of attraction two people have for each other. And because he can’t understand these basic social cues, he can’t tell the difference between a real smile and a pasted on one. He can’t understand that crossed legs and arms mean stay away. And he can’t figure out a pecked kiss on the cheek means he’s in the friend zone.

Inability to understand women have flaws. A simp doesn’t understand women aren’t perfect. In his world women can do no wrong and don’t have flaws. And because he can’t see a woman’s flaws, especially those pertaining to character he tolerates abuse and humiliation from female suitors just so he can have a relationship.

Because he doesn’t understand women have flaws, a Simp tries to shoehorn himself into relationships that clearly don’t work. Worse, he tries to change himself to make himself into the perfect partner for an imperfect relationship. Combined with his inability to understand social cues, the inability to understand that women have flaws are the primary reason why the Simp gets into trouble when it comes to romance.

Brown nosing in women’s faces to get in their pants. A simp is a notorious ass-kisser. He’ll always take the woman’s side in the hopes she’ll be appreciative of him and see him as some kind of sensitive guy. What he doesn’t know is that he comes across as dishonest and deceitful. A real man is up front and honest in all of his actions and his words. He doesn’t have to use the backdoor as an entry way to get at a woman’s heart. Moreover, he isn’t afraid to express his opinions and understands that there is nothing wrong with disagreeing with a partner.

Agrees with a woman ALL the time. No matter the woman’s position, even if she is wrong, the simp will agree with her. This is something a simp has learned from childhood. Simps are usually raised by single mothers and throughout their lives have heard their mothers constantly badmouth their fathers. So they’re going to do their best to not be like their dads. Unfortunately, they don’t understand that by agreeing with a woman all the time they’re coming across like a wimp with no backbone.

Gives a woman whatever she wants. Because a simp has no backbone and wants to please a woman he can’t say NO to a woman. All a woman has to do is tell a simp she wants something and he’ll try to move heaven and earth to get it for her. Even if it costs him everything he owns and puts him into debt.

Not Establishing Boundaries.  A simp puts the woman ahead of himself. Worse, he doesn’t establish boundaries for any relationship he involves himself in with a woman. This turns him into a doormat that women walk all over and wipe their feet on.

Fights for women who aren’t fighting for him. A simp will get involved in a woman’s fights to get brownie points with her. It’s not common for a conniving woman to send a Simp to fight other men who got in an argument with her. He thinks he’s defending her honor. He thinks he’s protecting her. But he’s being made a fool of. And he usually pays for it by getting his ass kicked. And in some cases he winds up doing prison time. In the most extreme cases he winds up dead.

Constantly calling/showing up. A Simp is notoriously insecure. When he gets a woman to pay attention to him, he just can’t leave well enough alone. He’s the kind of idiot who calls a woman in the middle of the day just to find out “how she’s doing”. And he does this EVERY DAY. He’s the kind of jackass who shows up at work unannounced. He’s the kind of guy who shows up at a woman’s gym where she works out with a dozen roses. He thinks he’s being cute. He thinks he’s being affectionate. What he’s actually doing is SMOTHERING someone and making them head for the exit. Violations of personal space and boundaries aren’t sexy. They’re borderline stalker behavior.

Thirsty. Simps are usually starved emotionally, so they live for any attention any woman throws in their direction. Because they’ve been emotionally unfulfilled for so long, they get tunnel vision when a woman pays attention to them. Instead of being patient, and seeing what direction a relationship goes in, they try to rush things along. Worse, when things don’t look like they’re working, they try to force them to work. By being so eager for affection they give up all their power in a relationship. This leaves them wide open to be taken advantage of by predatory women.

Owns the latest widget/gadget. Another way to spot a Simp is by his gadgets. He owns the latest cell phone, ipod, ipad, or whatever hot widget and loves to show it off. At home he has a leather sectional and a big screen TV. And they’re all top-of-the-line brand names. He needs all these toys so he can get the attention of a woman. Sadly, she’s only interested in the stuff he has not who he is.

Flashing lots of cash. Simps love to flash cash in public. It’s not common for a simp to carry a couple of hundred dollar bills or a bunch of fifties. They think carrying this much money will impress the ladies, but it’s just bait for all the gold-diggers, chicken heads, baby mamas and other parasitic women who look for a fool to take advantage of.

Spending lots of money. Cash is how the Simp primarily woos the women he desires. It’s not common for a Simp to spend $200 or $300 on a date. If they really like a woman they’ll even spend $1000 on a magical evening. It’s also not common for them to pay a woman’s rent buy her expensive clothes, shoes and in some cases buy stuff for her kids. Simps spend big for one day but starve for the rest of the month. Sometimes they don’t even pay their own rent in their quest to get a date.

Wears a lot expensive designer clothes. Simps are notorious peacocks. They love to wear expensive brand names to get the attention of women. The sad part is that they don’t understand women are looking at the labels these guys are wearing, not at them.

Drives an expensive car. You’ll never see a simp in a four-year-old Honda Accord or a Subaru that’s paid for. No, those cars are too plain and dependable for them. A Simp has to drive a car that EVERYONE sees. These are the guys who make $25,000-$30,000 a year but are still paying most of their paycheck for a Corvette, Mercedes, Lexus, a BMW or a Cadillac Escalade with all the options so they can look like a big shot to the ladies.

Playing a loud stereo. Simps have no personality and no game. So they need diversions to get attention from women. And one of those ways they get women to pay attention to them is to make a lot of noise. Literally.

Simps let the stereo pump when they’re at home. And when they’re on the street they let the stereo blast in their cars. Some of these dudes let their cell phones and ipods blast. Anything to get women to notice them. While they may look cool in their own eyes they can’t see how they look like a chump to everyone else.

Lots of big talk. Simps are big talkers. Unfortunately, most of it is all hot air. They hope that their big talk will make other men feel inadequate so the competition will eliminate itself and he can have access to more women.

But real men know all a Simp’s big talk is crap they can’t back up. That most of what comes out of their mouth is usually a pack of lies. Real men understand that action speaks louder than words, and that honesty is the greatest action of all when it comes down to romance.

Doing everything BIG. A Simp has to do everything BIG. He can’t just take a woman to a coffee shop and talk so he can get to know her and find out about who she is and what type of character she has. No, he needs to deflect her attention from his numerous character flaws with his money and his man toys. He’s the kind of guy who brings roses to a first date. He takes her to the finest restaurants for dinner followed by dancing at the trendiest club. Then after he’s blown his paycheck for the next two weeks, he’s begging friends to borrow $20 so he can get on the bus or gas for his car so he can go to work the next week.

Putting down other men to get points. A real man works towards earning a woman’s respect through his actions. He has enough confidence to sell himself on the merits. A Simp on the other hand feels inadequate and feels he has to do things to make the other men look weak to get the same women to look at him. To win a woman’s affection, Simps love to put down men and make fun of them while selling themselves as superior. What they don’t know is that they look like cowards in the eyes of both men and women.

NO PERSONALITY All of these tactics a Simp uses show how they have next to no interpersonal skills in communicating with the fairer sex. The goal of the flashy clothes, cash and expensive car are to divert a woman’s attention from their inability to relate to someone and connect with them. Simps lack the confidence to stand out in the dating scene on their own and need props to get women to notice them. Unfortunately, all that flash can’t cover for their lack of substance.

Tries the same things over and over again with the same people over and over again. When a Simp first doesn’t succeed at winning a woman’s affection, He tries again. And again. And again. With the same woman. And the same failed approaches. Some of us call this insanity.

But in a Simp’s mind perseverance will pay off. Eventually. What a Simp doesn’t understand is that there are six billion people on planet Earth. There are literally hundreds of millions of chances to find a woman. But thanks to his tunnel vision, a Simp wastes valuable time and money on his fixation on the woman of his dreams instead of looking for someone else who would support him in making their dreams come true.

Bad at breakups. Most men can take breakup. While they may hurt for a while, they eventually heal up, learn their lessons and move on. A Simp…will never get over it.

Simps will try to stay in a bad relationship with a woman that doesn’t want them and clearly doesn’t care about them. Even though things are clearly not working, they’ll continue trying to buy affection with presents and gifts in the hopes that one day things will get better. These men don’t know when to put a period at the end of a relationship. Usually it takes things like restraining orders and severe beatings to make them leave someone alone.

The most pathetic sight in the world is watching a grown man emasculate himself and sacrifice his dignity for the affection of a woman. That’s why no one respects a Simp. People can’t love someone who doesn’t love themselves enough to establish boundaries for how they’ll be treated in a relationship.

Please brothers, stop with the Simpin. It’s not a good look.