Black men often are dead last in everything. Why? Because they don’t make themselves a priority. And because they often put the needs of others above their own they don’t achieve their goals.
The main reason Most Black men over the last 40 years don’t put themselves first and make their goals in life a priority is because they were raised by single mothers. And one of the things many Black men who grow up in single mother households grow up learning is to put the Black woman first. To please her. That if she’s happy he’ll be happy.
It’s one of the biggest lies they were ever told.
Many brothers put women first out of a sense of guilt after hearing the horror stories from their single mothers That because the “man who did her wrong” and put his needs above everyone elses’ it made her life and theirs go nowhere. So these boys grow up striving to not be like their fathers. They grow up believing that if they put themselves first, they’ll be just as selfish as their fathers were.
However, it’s not selfish for a man to put himself first. A man who puts himself first shows he has a healthy self-esteem and self confidence. Putting yourself first does not mean a man doesn’t care about others. It means he cares about himself enough to take care of his own needs so he can take care of the needs of others such as his family.
What is putting yourself first Black man? Taking care of yourself. Keeping yourself clean. Keeping yourself healthy. Working out. Paying your bills. Buying the things you need to take care of yourself. Pursuing your hobbies and interests. Making time for yourself and the things you want to do, and making sure you do accomplish whatever you set out to do in life.
A man putting himself first is also requires him to set boundaries and establish standards for how he will be treated by others. Men who put themselves first establish rules for how they will be treated and what behavior they’ll accept from the people in their lives from DAY ONE. And if people cross those imaginary lines in the sand THEY ARE GONE. PERMANENTLY.
Too many brothers let women and nonblack on their jobs guilt and shame them into minimizing the importance of their goals, and making themselves into the second most important person in their lives.
Seriously, Black man WHO are you living for? WHO are you working for? WHO are you having a relationship for? That’s right YOU. And YOUR needs and the goals you aspire to achieve should be more important than any job or woman in your life.
Remember, Black man, you have a value. And if you don’t show people why YOU are valuable they’ll use you to get their needs met and their goals accomplished. Then they’ll leave you in the dust as they move forward in their lives.
In order for a man to lead others, he has to be first. And the man who puts himself first shows others his goals and needs are a priority. And because others see him putting his goals and needs FIRST they support whatever mission he’s pursuing.
People follow leaders. And no one follows the Black man because he is too scared to put himself FIRST.
Most Black men hide behind women. They hide behind their job. They hide behind their children. They hide behind their mother. And because they hide behind people, no one sees him, no one recognizes what’s great about them. To the world, the Black man is just there. Invisible insignificant and forgotten.
If a man does not show the world he cares about himself enough to put himself FIRST he can’t get others to care about his goals. To care about his program. To respect him and value him as a MAN.
Too many Black men grow up learning how to please women and put them first. And when they have a mindset of pleasing the woman and making her needs a priority above their own, they become followers, not leaders.
This is why most Black women do not respect Black men today. Most Black men, especially the ones who grew up in single mother homes don’t see how their dysfunctional way of thinking is keeping them from achieving any success in life.
Men who put women first chase women and beg them to have relationships with them. They beg for sex. They beg managers for jobs and beg even more for promotions. They beg for friends. They sacrifice their personal power and intangibles of manhood.
And as they sacrifice their personal power and personal intangibles of manhood, these Black men settle for less and get scraps from the table of life as they wait for what’s left over after everyone else gets what they want from the table. People tolerate these men, pity these men, but they never respect them. Sadly, These men go to their graves never understanding that the reason why they get second best out of life is because they put themselves and their needs last and the needs of others first.
Black man, it’s time to put yourself first. God gave you one life. And He didn’t give it to you to be the Pullman Porter of the world cleaning up the messes of Black women, White men, and the rest of the world. He has a purpose for you in this world and a work for you to do. But in order for you to do that you have to put yourself FIRST. If you don’t see yourself as valuable no one else will. Go for yours and get what you want out of life.