Support Shawn's writng with a donation

Friday, October 5, 2012

Top 10 SIMP Movies

Some “nice guys” just don’t understand what Simpin is and how this pattern of behavior is socially destructive. So I’ve compiled a list of films which clearly show the Simp and his self-destructive pattern of behavior in action. Maybe if these dudes see how this behavior causes characters to lose on the big screen they’ll realize how they’re screwing up in the dating scene.

The Last AmericanVirgin The theme of this 1980’s classic teen movie is Nice Guys finish last. But there’s a reason for that as we watch Gary apply all the tricks of a Simp in his attempt to get with hottie Karen including the lowest trick, Dirty Mackin. When she gets pregnant by his friend Rick and he refuses to take responsibility for it, He puts on his cape and goes into full Captain-Save-A-Hoe mode which leads up to the powerful conclusion of this movie. If you don’t learn why you shouldn’t SIMP by the end of this movie then all hope is lost for you.

Woo- This film is primarily known as Jada Pinkett Smith’s first solo Movie. But Tommy Davidson’s character shows us Simpin at its finest. He’s paying for women’s car notes, buying them drinks and doing all sorts of brown-nosing to get the draws. If you’re a Real Man, you’ll shake your head watching this brotha sell himself so short for a whiff of pussy.

Bebe’s Kids This film was supposed to be an animated tribute to the late comedian Robin Harris, but it’s an insult to Real Men everywhere. Here in animated Technicolor glory we see the Simp in top form as the Robin character tries to woo a single mom by showing her he’s a good man by taking her son and her best friend’s kids to a theme park for a day of fun. Watch as he spends, spends, spends on those kids to impress her. And watch as he doesn’t get any pussy at the end of the movie. Just a total emasculation of the Black Man onscreen. I think Robin Harris would turn over in his grave if he knew this film was inspired by his comedy. Dude got put in the zipper compartment of the Trick Bag.

Spider-Man 2 Superheroes are supposed to be badasses right? Not in this movie. Sam Raimi lost my respect when he turned Spider-Man from a web-shooting wisecracking badass into a blubbering whimpering Bitch-Made™ Mangina. For two and a half straight hours he spends his time whining and moaning about how he can’t date Mary Jane because he’s so scared enemies will get her.

 Contrast this to Superman II Where Superman was being chased by three killer Kryptionians and he still took the time to get some pussy from Lois Lane. But even though he gets the girl, poor Spider-Man loses his egg sac by the end of Raim’s sequel.

SpiderMan 3 The Raimi trilogy ends with Spidey as a eunuch when egg sackless Bitch-Made ™ Peter Parker Takes on the Sandman, Venom and his live-in boyfriend Harry Osborn as the New Btich-Made™ Goblin. Yeah, he’s supposed to be dating Mary Jane, but these two Manginas are acting so moist, you think the relationship is between Harry and Peter, not Spidey and Mary Jane. In this horrible third movie Sam Raimi forgets he’s Spider-MAN, not spider MANGINA. This movie is so moist in one of the scenes I thought I saw a red spot on the front of Spidey’s costume.

TheirEyes Were Watching God  De Black Woman is de mule of the world? BULLSHIT! De Black Woman is de biggest goldiggah in de world! In between the lines of Oprah Winfrey’s adaptation of this alleged literary classic, there’s some straight up Old Tyme Simpin and Trickin presented in this movie. Old trick ass Logan Killicks, Young Simp ass Joe Starks and Younger Simp ass Virgible Tea Cake Woods Show us while times change the game is still the same as they all get played trying to get with good-haired light skinned Janie Crawford played by Halle Berry.

TylerPerry’s Diary of Mad Black Woman This is the SIMP movie that made life that much harder for a generation of Black Men. In this hot mess of a movie, a Rich dark-skinned Black chick played By Kimberly Elise married to a High profile lawyer gets put out of her fancy house by her EEEEVIL dark skinned husband as he trades up to a newer light skinned model. Tyler Perry’s Madea puts her up in her house as she rebuilds her life. Along the way we watch as Blue Collar worker Orlando (played by Shemar Moore) tolerates her as he puts his cape on and comes in to save the day as her Captain-Save-A-Hoe.

TylerPerry’s I Can do Bad all By Myself  This one featuring a clumsy performance By Taraji P. Henson depicts Captain-Save-A-Hoe pattern clearer than his other films. If you can’t see the pattern of co-dependency these guys have and why they love getting involved with deeply troubled women by the end of this movie, you need to get your head examined.

TylerPerry’s Good Deeds In this movie we see yet another Captain-Save-A-Hoe put his cape on as Rich Weseley Deeds comes to the rescue of a Single mom who lives in her car with her daughter. I can’t wait for the sequel to this movie called Tyler Perry’s Bitch got in my pocket. But a Mangina like Tyler Perry would have to Sack Up to make that movie.

TylerPerry’s The Marriage Counselor The hero of this Stage play is a straight up SIMP. Just totally Bitch-Made™.  He gets walked on like a doormat by his wife, and his family. Trying to play the kind, tolerant, “good Christian” role, he sets no boundaries, puts everyone ahead of himself and passively watches as his wife leaves him and his life crumbles. If you want to see what a WEAK man looks like take a look at this stage play. I thought dude needed a tampon he was acting so soft.

PrettyWoman Yeah, it’s a cinematic classic. A parody of the fairytale. And one of my favorite movies. But there’s some straight-up Trickin as corporate mogul Edward tries to woo a Prostitute Vivian and violates ALL the player rules. Seriously, this doesn’t happen at all in real life. But most women want it to.

All of these movies are available at or Netflix on DVD. Check them out and learn what you need to know to stop Simpin.

1 comment:

  1. I watched all of typer perry flicks and man oh man its simpin at its worse.