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Sunday, December 4, 2011

Tyler Perry on Blast Part 1 Dissecting the plot of the Marriage Counselor and the Casting of Kim Kardashian.

WARNING: The following blog contains profanity, sarcasm and lots and lots of angry ranting. ShawnJames The “Amateur Film Critic” from is UNLEASHED. The intelligent free-lance writer and his logic and reason can’t get people to understand the ignorance of Tyler Perry and his legion of imbeciles. No, only the sharp tongue of the circa 2006 film critic can put this pied piper and his church going rats on BLAST. Fools will be checked and feelings will be hurt. Read at your own risk.

There’s a big brew-ha-ha over Tyler Perry Casting Kim Kardashian to star in his new movie The Marriage Counselor.  Perry is casting Kardashian to keep viewers from seeing how horrible the story is for this movie. Reading the synopsis from Perry’s own letter to the public, it’s easy to see how awful a storyteller he is and how progressively worse he's gotten over a decade.

Here is his letter in its entirety broken down with my comments reading between the lines of his cold-filtered bullshit.

I think many of you know that this is a very difficult time of year for me, so what I try to do is make sure that I'm working during this time.

*Cue the violins.* Here come the salty tears. Tyler Perry is the victim of everyone else’s criticism. You choose to cast a controversial person in your movie, the audience who supports you with their MONEY gives you flack about it, and they’re doing you wrong? FUCK OFF.

Difficult time of year for you? PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP MR.PERRY. Shawn has had a difficult THREE YEARS . He lost a civil service job he thought he’d have for life, has been unemployed FOR THREE YEARS and thanks to the start-stop of numerous shitty jobs he’s had his life has been on hold for close to a DECADE. But he sucks that shit up and goes on with his life like a MAN. Gird up your loins and MAN UP.

What I try to do is make sure I’m working for myself as a self-publisher so I can SURVIVE until I find that next paying job to pay my bills. Unfortunately, I don’t have a bunch of gullible church going zealots to milk for a half-billion dollars like you do you simp bitch.

All I wanted to do was shoot a great film-

Dude, if you want to shoot a great film, go to film school. Learn something about the CRAFT before you shoot your next movie. Things like FRAMING a fucking shot, transitions and camera angles. Read a damn screenplay book like Syd Fierld’s Screenplay and learn how to WRITE A DAMN STORY.

and try to keep my mind off the holiday grief that I have been experiencing for the past two years.

Holiday grief? What about the grief we’ve been suffering for close to a decade watching your shitty movies? Can’t the audience get a break so their eyes and ears can stop bleeding?

I could not have imagined I'd be getting all these emails about Kim Kardashian. I
HAVE SEEN THEM!! YOU HAVE BEEN HEARD!!...LOL. Now, may I say something? Can a brother get a word in?...LOL. Y'all gave me a new movie title, Tyler Perry's "Diary of a Mad Black Woman Cause You Hired Kim Kardashian, Don't Make Me Take Off My Earrings and Boycott Yo A**."...LOL. Some of my ladies are upset. Ok, all jokes aside, can I have my say? Will you at least here me out?

Ah, the smooth flow of cold filtered bullshit from a blubbering mangina. I love how he turns things around and makes it all about him and how he's been victimized. Please proceed. Just don’t get any of your Mangina juice on my carpet. Shit makes my house smell like ravioli and corn juice.

I was in a Mexican restaurant and the cutest little old woman stopped me and said, "I want
to talk to you about KAR-DAT- CHA-NEM." I said, "Ma'am?" She said, "What is wrong with
you putting her in the lead role of your movie?" By the time I explained to her that she was
not in the lead role and why I thought she should be in "The Marriage Counselor", she said,
"Oh, I see your point and I can't wait to see the movie."

You mean you sweet talked an old lady into watching another one of your shitty movies? God, you are a monster.

So, if you don't mind, I'd like to share with you what I said to her then maybe you'll see why I wanted her in the film. This movie is about a young lady named Judith (Jurnee Smolett), who grew up in the countryside of Virginia in a trailer park. She was raised in the church by her mother Sarah (Ella Joyce).

She’s a po’ trailer park girl raised by her good Christian mother. Standard Tyler Perry fare. Ready made victim.

Judith married her childhood sweetheart Brice (Lance Gross) and had the perfect life until she graduated college and went to work in the big city.

OOOOH. Childhood sweethearts. People get older, they grow, they change, and move on. But in Tyler Perry’s world they get married and have the perfect life until she goes to college and works in the big city. No, she couldn’t have been a pain in the ass at fourteen like every other teenager dealing with hormones. Everything was sweet before then. Damn those college educations and white collar jobs! They make Black people EEEEVIL.

Seriously, this is more of Tyler Perry’s anti-college bullshit pandering to the growing uneducated black masses who THINK only need Jesus and Oprah to make it in the world. Cause Blue-Collar Brothers are always good for Black women because they don’t have the “White Man’s education”.

Seriously, this anti-college undertone in Tyler Perry movies really pisses me off. We live in an age where 70% of Black men and 50% of Black women do not get a High School Diploma. And most jobs that pay a living wage require a minimum of an associate degree. He needs to cut this shit out, because all those blue collar jobs he thinks are so great don't exist anymore. 

After college, all she wanted to do was be a marriage counselor, but the only job she could find was working for a matchmaker named Janice (Vanessa Williams).

Hold on. Plothole ahead. She wants to be a marriage counselor and she’s in her twenties WTF? A twentysomething fresh out of school doesn’t know ANYTHING about LIFE except how to WIPE THEIR ASS in a straight line. How the FUCK is she going to counsel people about marriage when she hasn’t been married LONG enough to know anything about anything?

Of course this is the only job she could find, There’s something called EXPERIENCE you have to get before you get that job as a Marriage Counselor. That’s why she’d be working in an entry level job for a matchmaker.

Besides, who becomes a Marriage counselor fresh out of college? My brother who has TWO master’s degrees in counseling didn’t get a job counseling when he first graduated and STILL hasn’t gotten a counselor job yet. In fact, you have to get a LICENSE to start counseling anyone. Moreover, you have to build up your skills in smaller jobs before you do go out and practice. Hey Tyler, do some damn research before you write next time. It might help your stories make some sense.

Reading the synopsis so far isn't that title a little misleading? I thought this movie was called "The Marriage Counselor, not "Entry level employee who works for a Matchmaker or I can't believe she's NOT a Marriage Counselor"  But a title that the story really is about  isn't as Bankable for Mr. Perry. 

Janice has several employees that work for her, including a woman named Ava (Kim Kardashian). Ava is constantly trying to influence Judith on everything from her shoes to her hair.

Sweet, naive trailer park good Christian under the influence of a Jezebel type white chick? Oh I see where this is going. It’s the usual story. It’s the White woman’s fault the Black woman acts like a WHORE and commits ADULTERY. Good God, here we go again, the Black woman is a VICTIM of SOMEONE ELSE’s INFLUENCE and never takes RESPONSIBILITY for HER OWN ACTIONS. SCREW YOU TYLER. PERRY.

Sorry, that bullshit may play with the Chitlin’ Circuit crowd, but it ain’t playing with Shawn from the South Bronx. I see right through this story And I already know the ending of this hot mess.

Judith meets a man at work named Harley (Robbie Jones). Harley challenges everything in her life from her marriage to her husband to her faith.

Judith sees Harley’s riches and wants to get broke off. Trailer park hillbilly reveals her inner gold-digger. Typical tramp.

Hey Judith, general rule for keeping that first job: Don’t shit where you eat. It keeps you from winding up in some fucked up hot mess like a sexual harassment lawsuit. Also keeps your employer from getting sued.

I also love how ironic a married not marriage counselor meets a married at work and has an affair with him. Tyler Perry showing some flashes of depth? Nah. Irony used poorly just shows how incompetent he is.

Meanwhile, Brice (Lance Gross), Judith's husband works at a pharmacy owned by Mrs. Waco (Renee Taylor). Brice has just hired a coworker named Melinda (Brandy), who has some major demons that she is running from.

And while she’s philandering behind his back  he’s changing into his costume and…

Look up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Captain-Save-A-Hoe!

I’ve seen this story before. “Nice Guy” sees a jacked up chick with her issues and instead of doing his job and not giving a fuck about her and her damn baggage like I would, he steps in to save the day like a hero wanna be. Hey Brice, Mrs. Waco hired you to be a manager, not be a damn Pullman Porter! Leave that heifers bags at the Amtrak station and take care of your own business on the job!

In the end, the choices that both of these young women have made come crashing down on them and their lives will never be the same. I wish I could tell you more, but I don't want to ruin it for you.

I don’t need this movie spoiled for me because I’ve seen it a dozen times outside my window. Dumb heifers see grass on the other side of the road, leave their pasture  and find out it tastes like shit. Then they rush back over to the other pasture where they had it good and find out the farmer had it paved over and a strip mall has been built there. Farmer  is paid, got a new lady and doesn’t give a shit about her sorry ass. When she crosses back over to the other meadow with the shitty grass she gets hit by a truck. The End.

After I finished writing this movie, I sat back and re-read it. Half way through my read, the gravity of what I had written hit me. I knew that this message was not only for my age group, but for all audiences, especially the youth. ESPECIALLY THE YOUTH!! YOUNG FOLKS NEED TO SEE THIS!!!

Did you hear that? The young people need to see this!!! After halfway re-reading half of his half-assed script ONCE Tyler Perry thinks it’s ready for production. The message is not only for his age group, but all audiences especially the YOUTH.

You know what’s amazing about Tyler Perry? It’s amazing how he gets a head that big out of his ass every morning to sit at the keyboard and write this dreck. Man Tyler Perry is so full of shit toilet bowls get jealous.

I’m going to stop for a moment and  give you some insight into my creative process. When I wrote the first draft All About Marilyn I felt the same kind of hubris. Then my computer died. That humbled the shit out of me. As I did revisions by hand on loose-leaf -paper I realized what a piece of shit that first draft was. Transitional scenes were missing, characters were underdeveloped, and the storyline was incomplete and uneven. I am so glad I took the time to re-write it into something much better. And I’ll own up to the fact that it still needs work. But Tyler Perry’s work is so great that the FIRST DRAFT HAS TO BE FILMED AND SEEN BY THE YOUNG FOLKS!

What he really means by seen by the young folks is that his movies need to be seeen by people young enough not to have learned TASTE, STYLE or ART. People who haven't grown up enough to see through his shitty half-assed writing. All first drafts suck. And by suck I mean Vanessa Del Rio/Angel Kelly/Nina DePonca deep throat suck. I may just publish an eBook or two of my first drafts just to show readers how absolutely shitty first drafts really are.

Here’s some advice to Mr. Tyler Perry: Before you spend another $20 million on another  movie, get some script coverage from some professionals. Get Some Notes. Enter it in the Bluecat Screenplay competition, or Cynosure, because they give you notes for free. Those notes will help you become a better writer. And maybe you’ll actually make something mediocre next time.

And not just the young people that follow me, but the young people that are following other young people, as well. I wanted a younger cast, that's why I put Jurnee in the lead and invited Lance Gross, Robbie Jones and Brandy.

*Shawn Shakes his head*

I like how he invites actors. Me, If I ever adapt one of my books into a movie one of these days I  want people to READ before I cast and watch some reels, so I can get a good fit for the role, but he has roles ready-made for people. Shows his lack of experience in casting roles.

Poor Jurnee Smollett. I feel bad when an actress of her caliber is stranded in a pile of whale dungahreea like this. I wish I could hand her a copy of Isis, TheCassandra Cookbook or All About Marilyn so she could see what a multidimensional CHARACTER and a STORY with DEPTH and SUBSTANCE looks like.

And Brandy young? WTF? That chick has to be pushing 35 or 36. Tyler must have watched too many episodes of Moesha and still sees the teenager with braids dating Q.

About two months ago, long before I even heard about Kim's marriage or divorce, I was trying to finish up the casting. I said to one of my producers, "who else is out there that young people are looking up to?"

More like Jurnee Smollett isn’t a star. Tyler needs someone who can DRAW box-office. With his name is slowly declining in popularity among the good Black Church folks  after crapfests like Why Did I Get Married Too  and Madea's big Crappy Family  he needs someone to get the butts into seats. 

One of my producers showed me pictures that his daughter had taken of several hundred kids lined up around the corner to get into a Kardashian store. They wanted to meet Kim. I thought, what better person! She literally has millions of young people following her. I thought and still do think, that it would be very responsible of her to be a part of this film. To have the young people that look up to her, see her in a film that is about, what happens in life when you make the wrong choices. Whether you're aware of it or not, to be honest with you I wasn't, millions of young people adore her and are following her every move. If one of those young people see this film and find the strength to live a better life and not go through what these characters went through in this movie, then we have all done what I feel I'm being led to do here. I hope you understand. I really do!

Your producer is a fucktard. Fire his ass. In fact fire your entire inner-circle. This was a money grab and an attempt to cross-over to the White audience plain and simple. You want to cast someone white with talent for the role of Ava, cool. Coax Amanda Bynes out of retirement. Fly over to Paris and beg Heidi Lenhart to take a job with you. You want sex appeal? Get Joan Sevarence, Josie Davis, or Nicole Eggert. Or hire a Christian actress like Kelly Packard. Those women have great talent, amazing range and would stand out in the role of Ava. But they wouldn’t bring you the controversy or the press Kim Kardashian would.

Tyler Perry in this paragraph shows me his true colors. He’s an unethical bastard who will sell out his community for a dollar. Just like Halle Berry accepting the role of Leticia Musgrove in Monster’s Ball, he has compromised himself and his community to seek validation and approval from Whites. This man is tainted. Poisioned. He’s SOLD OUT.

As a Christian you’re supposed to do what’s right in the eyes of God. Just because the young people look up to a WHORE doesn’t mean you cast her in your production to get their money. Just because millions of young people adore Kim Kardashian and watch her every move doesn’t mean you EXPLOIT their ignorance and TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM. Tyler, you are OLDER. You’re SUPPOSED TO KNOW BETTER. You’re supposed to have the MORAL STANDARDS to do what is RIGHT. According to my Bible, and what I’ve read your TRANSGRESSION is GREATER. AND YOU WILL BE BEATEN WITH MORE STRIPES BY GOD.

Applying the logic in that last paragraph I have two more scenarios for Mr .Perry:

Millions of young White people followed the Ku Klux Klan back in the 1880’s. They were considered “role models” for what “Good White Citizens” should be in the south should be as they lynched, raped and tortured Blacks. A few decades later Those racists found the strength to live a better life after they watched Birth of a Nation a few decades later. After watching that film they became inspired to commit more lynching than ever.

Millions of young Black people followed Drug dealers during the crack pandemic of the 1980’s. They were considered “role models” to many in the Black community of what a “Strong Black Man” should be as they sold poison to their own people. Those people found the strength to cannibalize their own people after they watched Scarface. After watching that film they became inspired to kill their own people and destroy their own communities.

Just because people follow someone or some cause doesn’t mean they're role models.. A lot of Arabs followed Al-Queada and Osama Bin Laden until recently. Would you put terrorists in a movie if it made money?

That being said, I really do understand Mr. Perry. I understand you have lost your mind. You are a sociopath who panders to the lowest common denominatior and exploits Black people all for the almighty dollar. You sir, are scum.

And lastly, because I believe that my films speak from the inside out, why wouldn't Kim
Kardashian be invited into a film about Faith, Forgiveness and the healing power of God?What is wrong with that??

Dude, what is wrong with you? Kim Kardashian shouldn’t be invited into a film about Faith, Forgivnes and the healing power of God? Why? Because she hasn’t REPENTED of her SINS yet.

Nor has she presented a repentant attitude or tried to ATONE for any of her UNETHICAL behaviors. It’s still ALL ABOUT KIM. Kim Kardashian is a thrice married serial adulterer and fornicator. She just abandoned her husband 72 days after marrying him because she stopped being POPULAR. She strung a guy along, married him and then dumped him and acted like she did nothing wrong all because she wasn't getting any PRESS. That is something a SOCIOPATH does.

Sorry, but this woman is not worthy of FORGIVENESS YET. People who want to be FORGIVEN are REPENTANT and REMORSEFUL about their behavior  and are willing to CHANGE their ways for the BETTER. Kim Kardashian has not shown that she is willing to make an EFFORT to change from her WHORISH behaviors. When she has shown a willingness to ATONE for her BEHAVIOR in ACTION then I’ll give her a CHANCE.

I own The Marriage Counselor Play on DVD. I bought it for my sister who was a rabid Tyler Perry fan as a gift. 

She gave it back to me.

 Yeah, it was that shitty. $12.99 of my unemployment wasted. Wonder if Tyler will ever come out of his $500 million pocket to give me a refund for his craptacular play.

After she gave it back to me, I watched it myself and The Marriage Counselor is HORRIBLE. Absolutely HORRIBLE. Even for Tyler Perry’s low standards. I dare to say Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark is a better production.

Moreover, The Marriage Counselor one of the most anti-Christian plays I have ever seen. Throughout the story God is mocked and made to be a joke, Pot-smoking, is glamourized and the plot meanders  and meanders until the terrible end. We never get a good Christian message about the institution of marriage enduring for better or worse, richer or poorer in sickness and in health, you know those VOWS people make on their wedding day. Instead we get a story of a “nice guy” moving on leaving his adulterous tramp ex-wife and going on to happiness. What was the message again? The Marriage Counselor’s marriage didn’t work so divorce and find someone you can be happy with.  WTF? Talk about mixed signals here.

As I read Tyler’s incoherent synopsis and then compared notes to the play, the adaptations don’t measure up consistently. I don’t understand why he hired a younger cast. The characters in the play are clearly mid-30s early 40s. The Marriage counselor in the play is an educated professional woman with years of experience. How did she become a twentysomething fresh out of school?

I’m thinking he de-aged all the characters  so he could conveniently cast Kim Kardashian in his little movie. Perry knows his box-office is declining. Since Why Did I Get Married Too Tyler Perry movies have had a slow drop-off at the box office. Now he’s desperate to keep those numbers high after BYROONNNN! started alienating Black viewers.

With the Black audience souring on his stale formula for his poorly-made movies, Perry now he panders to the lowest common denominator to get the White teen audience into theaters. A gamble. And a gamble he’ll lose.

Now that I've dissected how silly the  plot  of The Marriage Counselor is,  in part 2  I'll be discussing How Hollywood has changed  Tyler Perry,  even though he has stated "Hollywood will not change me" . 

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