A lot of hardworking good brothers with good jobs often wonder why Black women often pass them up for thugs, gangstas, ex-cons and other assorted bums. The answer some Black women give them is that these kinds of guys are “more “exciting.
That’s a crock of crap. A deflection to keep Black men from seeing the truth.
The real reason some Black women choose these thugs, Ex-Cons gangstas and other assorted bums over good hardworking Black men is power and control.
Black women prefer thugs, ex-cons gangstas and other bums is because they feel they can maintain a semblance of control over these kinds of men. The truth is that most Black women raised in Feminist theories over the past 40 years are extremely insecure and have low self-esteem. So they pursue romantic relationships with men they feel are going to be beneath them. With these men in a subservient role they can maintain a sense of superiority in the relationship.
These thugs and Ex-Con brothers in many cases are dependent on these women for their existence. Because they can’t make their own living in most cases due to a felony record or lack of real skills, they’re forced to take an emasculated role that allows the woman to be the leader of the relationship. In these co-dependent relationships, the thugs, gangstas, ex-cons, are basically like sons, and talked down to like adolescents. If they act out they’re punished, manipulated and shamed into behaving in a way the Black woman finds satisfactory.
Want to know why some Black women always have so much drama with Thugs, Gangstas, Ex-Cons, and other Bums? It’s a form of emotional blackmail to maintain power and control in the relationship.
That arguing, threatening, screaming yelling, violence and drama are how Black women keep control over these kinds of guys. Because many Black women are insecure they feel the need to constantly test their relationships to make sure they still have the power in them. So they throw these fits and provoke these guys not to anger because they’ve done something wrong, but to get a reaction out of them. It’s that response to their tantrum that makes them feel like they’re still the dominant role in the relationship and the man is submissive one.
Want to watch these kinds of Black women go CRAZY? Let her thug, gangsta or bum starts to grow in some way that she feels challenges her authority. If these brothers start making steps to get an education, get real skills or make any movement towards employment that has that challenges her authority, power structure and shatters her sense of superiority she’ll lose her mind.
A thug can cheat on a Black woman with another Black woman from the same economic power structure and she’ll take him back because she still feels some sense of power. She knows he still depends on her like a child for most of his needs. If other women become interested in him, no problem. He’s still coming back to her. But if he thinks about moving in with that other woman? No problem. She’ll get pregnant. Pregnancy allows her to keep her control over the thug and maintain her co-dependent relationship with him where she’s still in charge of him even if he’s in that other woman’s house.
But when a man makes these kinds of moves that will allow him to start growing out of her locus of control, The Black Woman becomes TERRIFIED. It’s only then when she starts doing things to sabotage her man’s progress. Usually it’ll start with passive aggressive stuff like dismissing his work, “losing” his homework, “forgetting” to make his dinner, “accidentally” burning the shirt he was going to wear to school with an iron, Not listening to anything he says, and getting in his way when he’s trying to do things that make him take charge of his own life.
And when the Black man begins to assert his independence, this behavior will escalate to emotional abuse and mental manipulations. Accusations of cheating if he comes home late from class or work, locking the man out or changing the locks if he works late, taking the keys to the apartment and the car, throwing his clothes out of the window, cutting up work clothes, burning stuff up, breaking things she bought for him or he bought with his own money, and if she’s extremely insecure even physical attacks of violence with weapons.
Their greatest fear the Black Woman has is that her thug (child) will grow out of his immature behaviors and become a “Good Black Man” who can stand on his own two feet and be a leader.
Why don’t these Black women want a relationship with a good Black Man? It’s not because he’s too nice. It’s not because he’s boring. Plain and simple these women are troubled. No matter how educated and successful they are on the surface, deep down inside they feel they don’t deserve the love of a Good Black Man or any type of spiritual success.
Moreover, these Black Women fear being the equal of a Black man in a relationship. A Black woman’s greatest fear is a Real Black Man, one who is independent self-sufficient and can take care of himself. She can’t belittle him, she can’t verbally abuse him, and she can’t humiliate him. She can’t manipulate him. She can’t control him. He is impervious to her psychological tactics. Why? Because he understands his own self worth and has a healthy self-esteem. This man knows who he is and is in total control of himself. Moreover, he understands that he has options and chooses other women to be his help meet over an insecure woman with issues and baggage.
A real Black man is ready to take his position as the leader God established. He is a man realizes his life is too short to spend being miserable with someone who won’t enrich it towards doing God’s work. He walks away from toxic women who won’t be a suitable help meet and doesn’t look back.
That’s something many Black women fear. That if the Black men in their community evolve into Real Black men they’ll rise to power and assert their authority overthrowing the co-dependent power structure that allows Black Women to remain in power as the de facto overseers of the Black community for Uncle Sam. These Black women fear that if Black men begin to take the leadership role God established, they’ll be forced back into a subservient position, or worse, they’ll walk away and leave them behind for women of other races.
What most Black women don’t understand is that Real Black men have the love of God in them and will forgive them if they are repentant and ready to be his help meet in the service of God. He is looking for the equal partner God made for him to share his life and share his love with.
Unfortunately, too many Black women are insecure and afraid to allow themselves to evolve into real women who are ready to help him lead the Black family. Raised with fear, doubt, and self-hate they’ve become dependent on the security of Uncle Sam’s government programs to trust God and the leader that He established to be her help meet to take her in the right direction.
Having no faith in God these lost Black women seeking out a series of unsatisfying co-dependent relationships with men like thugs ex-cons, gangstas, and other assorted bums that keep them from growing in Christ.
This enmity between the sexes in the African-American community can’t be closed until Black women and Black men acknowledge the authority of God. It’s only when both the Black man and the Black woman acknowledge the power and authority of God as their leader that they can come together as one ready to lead the Black family. Only when Brothers and Sisters have faith in the Living God and trust in Him instead of Uncle Sam’s government programs can they truly be the leaders who can be good stewards of the Black community.