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Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Real Reason Why Some Black Women Choose Thugs, Gangstas, Ex-Cons and other Bums over “Good Black Men”

A lot of hardworking good brothers with good jobs often wonder why Black women often pass them up for thugs, gangstas, ex-cons and other assorted bums. The answer some Black women give them is that these kinds of guys are “more “exciting.

That’s a crock of crap. A deflection to keep Black men from seeing the truth.

The real reason some Black women choose these thugs, Ex-Cons gangstas and other assorted bums over good hardworking Black men is power and control.

Black women prefer thugs, ex-cons gangstas and other bums is because they feel they can maintain a semblance of control over these kinds of men. The truth is that most Black women raised in Feminist theories over the past 40 years are extremely insecure and have low self-esteem. So they pursue romantic relationships with men they feel are going to be beneath them. With these men in a subservient role they can maintain a sense of superiority in the relationship.

These thugs and Ex-Con brothers in many cases are dependent on these women for their existence. Because they can’t make their own living in most cases due to a felony record or lack of real skills, they’re forced to take an emasculated role that allows the woman to be the leader of the relationship. In these co-dependent relationships, the thugs, gangstas, ex-cons, are basically like sons, and talked down to like adolescents. If they act out they’re punished, manipulated and shamed into behaving in a way the Black woman finds satisfactory.

Want to know why some Black women always have so much drama with Thugs, Gangstas, Ex-Cons, and other Bums? It’s a form of emotional blackmail to maintain power and control in the relationship.
That arguing, threatening, screaming yelling, violence and drama are how Black women keep control over these kinds of guys. Because many Black women are insecure they feel the need to constantly test their relationships to make sure they still have the power in them. So they throw these fits and provoke these guys not to anger because they’ve done something wrong, but to get a reaction out of them. It’s that response to their tantrum that makes them feel like they’re still the dominant role in the relationship and the man is submissive one.

Want to watch these kinds of  Black women go CRAZY? Let her thug, gangsta or bum starts to grow in some way that she feels challenges her authority. If these brothers start making steps to get an education, get real skills or make any movement towards employment that has that challenges her authority, power structure and shatters her sense of superiority she’ll lose her mind.

A thug can cheat on a Black woman with another Black woman from the same economic power structure and she’ll take him back because she still feels some sense of power. She knows he still depends on her like a child for most of his needs. If other women become interested in him, no problem. He’s still coming back to her. But if he thinks about moving in with that other woman? No problem. She’ll get pregnant. Pregnancy allows her to keep her control over the thug and maintain her co-dependent relationship with him where she’s still in charge of him even if he’s in that other woman’s house.

But when a man makes these kinds of moves that will allow him to start growing out of her locus of control, The Black Woman becomes TERRIFIED. It’s only then when she starts doing things to sabotage her man’s progress. Usually it’ll start with passive aggressive stuff like dismissing his work, “losing” his homework, “forgetting” to make his dinner, “accidentally” burning the shirt he was going to wear to school with an iron, Not listening to anything he says, and getting in his way when he’s trying to do things that make him take charge of his own life.

And when the Black man begins to assert his independence, this behavior will escalate to emotional abuse and mental manipulations. Accusations of cheating if he comes home late from class or work, locking the man out or changing the locks if he works late, taking the keys to the apartment and the car, throwing his clothes out of the window, cutting up work clothes, burning stuff up, breaking things she bought for him or he bought with his own money, and if she’s extremely insecure even physical attacks of violence with weapons.

Their greatest fear the Black Woman has is that her thug (child) will grow out of his immature behaviors and become a “Good Black Man” who can stand on his own two feet and be a leader.

Why don’t these Black women want a relationship with a good Black Man? It’s not because he’s too nice. It’s not because he’s boring. Plain and simple these women are troubled. No matter how educated and successful they are on the surface, deep down inside they feel they don’t deserve the love of a Good Black Man or any type of spiritual success.

Moreover, these Black Women fear being the equal of a Black man in a relationship. A Black woman’s greatest fear is a Real Black Man, one who is independent self-sufficient and can take care of himself. She can’t belittle him, she can’t verbally abuse him, and she can’t humiliate him. She can’t manipulate him. She can’t control him. He is impervious to her psychological tactics. Why? Because he understands his own self worth and has a healthy self-esteem. This man knows who he is and is in total control of himself. Moreover, he understands that he has options and chooses other women to be his help meet over an insecure woman with issues and baggage.

A real Black man is ready to take his position as the leader God established. He is a man realizes his life is too short to spend being miserable with someone who won’t enrich it towards doing God’s work. He walks away from toxic women who won’t be a suitable help meet and doesn’t look back.

That’s something many Black women fear. That if the Black men in their community evolve into Real Black men they’ll rise to power and assert their authority overthrowing the co-dependent power structure that allows Black Women to remain in power as the de facto overseers of the Black community for Uncle Sam. These Black women fear that if Black men begin to take the leadership role God established, they’ll be forced back into a subservient position, or worse, they’ll walk away and leave them behind for women of other races.

What most Black women don’t understand is that Real Black men have the love of God in them and will forgive them if they are repentant and ready to be his help meet in the service of God. He is looking for the equal partner God made for him to share his life and share his love with.

Unfortunately, too many Black women are insecure and afraid to allow themselves to evolve into real women who are ready to help him lead the Black family. Raised with fear, doubt, and self-hate they’ve become dependent on the security of Uncle Sam’s government programs to trust God and the leader that He established to be her help meet to take her in the right direction.

Having no faith in God these lost Black women seeking out a series of unsatisfying co-dependent relationships with men like thugs ex-cons, gangstas, and other assorted bums that keep them from growing in Christ.

This enmity between the sexes in the African-American community can’t be closed until Black women and Black men acknowledge the authority of God. It’s only when both the Black man and the Black woman acknowledge the power and authority of God as their leader that they can come together as one ready to lead the Black family. Only when Brothers and Sisters have faith in the Living God and trust in Him instead of Uncle Sam’s government programs can they truly be the leaders who can be good stewards of the Black community.


  1. You are obviously a "man" and quite possibly a "weak brother" who is not able to handle a "real Black Woman."

    First of all: ALL "Black" men are good. All "Black" men have value and worth.

    When a "Black" women chooses a thug, gangsta, ex-con, etc., to be in her life, she is doing so because she knows what she wants.

    A "strong Black woman" wants to love a "strong Black man" not a "Black" man that is afraid to be what he is: a "Black" man.

    There is nothing more boring and sad than a "Black" man who has sold out in order to be accepted.

    Sisters that love "thugs" want the REAL thing, not an imitation who's afraid to BE.

    WE LOVE "BLACK MEN" that love themselves.

    1. Strong Black Woman? No man shouldn't be able to handle a grown woman? she combative,Drama Queen, belligerent or an animal?. Kids and Animals needs to be handled, not a grown @ss woman. Women should be Feminine not Masculine. God put man above women, not the other way around.

    2. Strong Black Woman? No man shouldn't be able to handle a grown woman? she combative,Drama Queen, belligerent or an animal?. Kids and Animals needs to be handled, not a grown @ss woman. Women should be Feminine not Masculine. God put man above women, not the other way around.

  2. Sorry there's no weakness in me. I can handle a real Black woman. You obviously can't handle the truth coming from a Black man.

    I can tell by your statements you are either a simp, a mangina, or possibly an offended Black feminazi who can't stand hearing the truth.

    All Black men are NOT good. Some of these Males have no value in and of themselves because they haven't been taught any values. Usually these men come from single parent homes. These men are damaged goods and will wind up stuck in a vicious cycle unless they come to terms with their emotional baggage and personal demons.

    A thug is NOT a man. The thug is in a state of arrested development stuck at an age of about thirteen or possibly sixteen at least. He's emotionally handicapped and unable to deal with the complexities of adult relationships and adult responsibilities. Instead of enduring pain, he goes and puts the stereo on blast or goes out and gets a gun. It's a tempertantrum.

    Any Black woman who chooses a thug wants a child she can mother, not a partner who can help her lead a family. The Thug is nothing more than a

    Black men who you consider boring aren't sellouts. These are real men who understand they have to adapt in order to survive in the world to make a living.

    A thug is not the real thing, He's something made up by Madison Avenue and Hollywood. And only a Black male who is stuck in a pubescent stage would try to emulate something that he saw on television instead of coming up with his own image of self.

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  4. LOL...why are you so concerned with that black women pursue "thugs"? Obviously, if those are the only women you are attracted to or whom you attract, you need to look to yourself first rather than blaming black women. Remember: when you point at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you.

  5. You sound like me man lol......its why I'm still single......

  6. Good post. You STRUCK A COUPLE OF NERVES. IGNORE these "strong black women". Let them love their BUMS and THUGS all the way to NO CHILD SUPPORT COURT. Ask them why MOMS BACK IN THE DAY could keep a MAN but they can't. Ain't no MAN gonna take care of what they created with these BUMS AND THUGS. LOL.

  7. I've been called weird, different and all sorts of other names by bw all because i refuse to conform to what they think a bm should be and act like. Im 30 and going back to school in Sept and when told of my plans to a certain bw, she snickered then said i couldn't handle the hustle so i foolishly think school is the solution. Smh* at them and their loser mentality.

  8. Whoever wrote the first comment about a'weak' brother who can't handle a 'real' black woman has to have said one of the most ignorant statements I've ever heard.

    How does someone wanting to raise his standards and hold himself to a higher esteem be 'weak'?? In addition, the writer outlines a certain type of woman with self-esteem issues, no values and no long term prospects yet you decide to equate that to what a 'real' black woman is???

    A 'real' black woman should be the one encouraging her significant other to raise his standards, start thinking about long term goals and career growth. I'm not here to bash any 'thug,gangsta ex-con' etc because I have friends from all walks of life from doctors to friends doing life in prison, however to think that a black man has 'sold out to be accepted' because he has ambition, drive and legal goals/career path is one of the dumbest mindsets I've ever come across.

  9. The bitch that commented first probably dates ex cons then complains the nigga is lazy and cant get a job.

  10. So you decide that you are a "good" man and this other man is a thug. Interesting. Judgmental much? The truth is that there are racist and sexist policies in place that are targeted at black men. Maybe you had opportunities that kept you away from drugs and crime. Not every man is so lucky. Instead of wondering why you are better than another black man who doesn't have your level of education, why not devote your time to volunteering in inner city neighborhoods so we have fewer "thugs" and other "lesser" men?

    1. Well said. It would be a shame to draw so much attention to a huge problem in our community and do nothing else about it. Let's hope the author is doing something to lift black man in his own community.

    2. Well said. It would be a shame to draw so much attention to a huge problem in our community and do nothing else about it. Let's hope the author is doing something to lift black man in his own community.

    3. These women will defend the semi future having bastard baby making machines till the end of time LOL

  11. Wow. Just wow.

    The article is Three years old and she's reacting as if it's today. Getting emotional over a title and not reading the piece. Shows that Janella here has no critical thinking skills at all.

    I grew up in the ghetto of the South Bronx when it was burnt down. I chose NOT to sell drugs and find another way. Yes, there's racism, but there's no excuse for being a TOOL of Hollywood and Madison Avenue. There is no such thing as a THUG, it is a COON image meant to destroy Black males and keep them from becoming Black men.

    Again, I do not volunteer. That's a SCAM. If I want to help a Black man I give him a JOB. When a man has a JOB he has a PURPOSE.

  12. Only weak ass little faggots depend on a woman to survive. That's weak ass faggot shit. Black women who deal with bum ass niggas are very ratchet they damn self. Cause like spirits attract. She may have a job, have a nice place, and car but she's ratchet in her attitude, thinking, and behavior. And most of the time, she's not a six figure earner, not a college graduate, and not all that and box of fries either. She's working at some call center or security gig living in a shit part of town, her girlfriends are often unemployed and got babies from nothing ass niggas and spend their days pontificating about their ratchet lives. That is not reflective of the whole black community, that's just garbage and it's trash. Cause plenty of women of all races got low down bums as boyfriends often worse than niggas in the hood, much worse.

  13. This article is true. I'm a black male who is self-productive and aware. I used to be a street hustler and laugh at these females who think I'm soft now because I'm educated and career oriented. For one a lot of their preferred thugs would've been my customers when I was in the streets and many don't have the skill, awareness, or substance to even be a street hustler. But I don't look down on them because they are lost and I have fam and friends who are still in this cycle so I take my past experiences using it to shed light to younger black males as a legit occupation.

    Overall to your point, I found most black women can't handle me because I stand on my own and don't need a mother as a girlfriend. I am looking for a woman as a wife and counterpart and most can't figure out what makes me tick. Keeping it real with myself has helped me to grow and not get lost in the cycle...that's what makes me tick. If more black women kept it real with themselves then they would figure that out.

    Keep writing Shawn. Don't let the ignorance discourage you. Peace

  14. This is really good n so much truth in this. I wondered why I dated these types of males. Honestly, it was exciting and it's easier than working up to a higher standard of man. Many women just get tired of being alone, horny and feel like the older you get the harder it gets so they settle. I just thought that getting a bottom of the barrel dude would have more loyalty n treat me better. I was right but he had nothing. No job, no car, no house, barely even had clothes. I knew better but I thought I could change him or that he was just going through a hard time temporarily. He told me he was fucked up out here. But I'm a ride or die chick so I thought my loyalty would pay off and we could come up together. Then it got worse much worse. The good part of dealing with thugs, ex cons is that they know the streets, they got game, they know how to fight and as a woman, that made me feel protected. And the sex was amaaaaazing!!! But, most of them have no clue on what being a man really is. They lie, cheat, intimidate, run from responsibility, manipulate. And if you expect to much or stand up for yourself, they beat you or worse. So power n control is just some of it. Thanx for this post.

    1. At least you're honest about your faults, choices, etc. Most of the women who comment on this article aren't. They'd rather be intellectually dishonest pertaining to the topic at hand and attack Shawn for calling their asses out on it.

  15. handsomerandyblackladdiebradFebruary 18, 2016 at 12:33:00 PM PST

    Most black broads are fat,fugly and b***y,so they have to take what they can get,thus,they settle for their male counterparts,thugs!!!!!!

    1. Truth spoken bro. Truth fucking!!

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  17. Unfortunately from a male standpoint and personal experience, being a successful man in the black community does not attract as much women vs being a known 'hood' or street dude, or a man with some sort of social status on the streets. On the flip side of things even for the few women who may want successful men trust and believe it is only for money, security, etc. and NOT for sexual gratification or them actually liking or feeling you like that. True story.