Support Shawn's writng with a donation

Sunday, March 9, 2014

How Celibacy Can Help A Man Take His Life To The Next Level

I was talking to one of my Facebook friends about being celibate for the last 25 years. He was surprised I had such a strong resolve. Part of it has to do with my faith in God, and part of it has to do with me.

There are a lot of benefits to celibacy most men don’t see. Not having to deal with sex clears a man’s mind so he can focus on more important things in life.

The main reason I abstain from sexual intercourse is I wanted to focus on my goals. When I was 16, I aspired to be two things: A comic book writer and a cameraman at a TV studio. And I realized I wouldn’t be able to pursue my goals if I had a girlfriend.

The late 1980’s-1990’s I grew up in were a turbulent period. High on Crack money, Black boys and black men were killing each other over girls or guys looking at girls. And many brothers didn’t have the critical thinking skills to understand like I did that when you fight over a woman one of you is dead, the other is in prison, and the woman is back out here playing two more suckers. The way I saw it back then, leaving the women alone was the easiest way to save my life.

And when I saw girls in my high school class winding up pregnant from dope boys, I realized if I wanted to get my diploma, I was going to have to focus on my studies and leave the girls alone. The way I saw it back then was it’d be impossible to pursue a goal when you have a baby mama nagging you, and child support in your pocket.

The way I see it, today’s American women get in the way of a man pursuing his goals. Instead of being the helpmeets today’s women are a hindrance. Their primary focus is on getting a man to please them, not helping him work towards his goals.

Too many men sacrifice their goals to make a woman happy. Instead of putting themselves first, they put women first. Then they wind up frustrated as they wind up being left behind chasing her instead of chasing their goals.

The way I see it a man must spend his time getting himself right before he starts pursuing women. When a man has his house in order, then he is ready for a relationship with a woman.

And part of a man having his house in order is having power over himself. When a man controls his sexuality he is not dictated to by a big butt and a smile. Control over his dick means he has the balls to do what is right for him, not sacrifice his personal intangibles such as his dignity and self-respect to please her.

A period of celibacy can give a man the self-control and discipline to have relationships on his terms when he does get involved with women again. When a man figures out what he wants for himself and what goals he wants to pursue in life, he can figure out what he wants in a woman and what he wants in a relationship.

My philosophy is when a man works towards his goals, God will send him a woman willing to work with him towards completing those goals. A woman who will support his leadership as they both commit towards doing God’s work.

In the last 25 years I’ve come a long way without a woman. Yes, my goals have changed, but my resolve has not. I’ve started my own publishing business and written over 35 books. Am I where I want to be? Not yet. But I’m a lot further than I was back in 1989. I doubt I would have gotten this far with the wrong woman at my side.

Is celibacy for every man? I believe it is. Every man needs to take a period in their lives away from sex to clear their minds. Once he focuses his energies on more productive endeavors he’ll realize how much time he was wasting chasing women of little value and how overrated and how overvalued a woman’s vagina is in the bigger picture of things.

Yes, you will get horny. Yes, you will have sexual feelings and desires. But a man learning how to control his dick is paramount to building the discipline and to put himself first. When a man puts himself first he can focus on what’s important to him.

The greatest lesson I’ve learned from my celibate period is that time is precious. And my time is too valuable to waste with toxic and dysfunctional people. I’d rather take a second to turn down sex with a woman than wind up stuck losing years in a relationship with her.

Men, time is the most valuable thing on earth. And it’s not on our side. We only have a short time on God’s earth and we have to make the most of it. Every second a man spends chasing a female is a second he doesn’t apply towards chasing his goals. Once a man gets his priorities right, he can take his life to the next level. 


  1. Misery does indeed love company.

  2. Shawn I have seen your picture and it should be very easy for you to be celibate

  3. Ad hominem attack. It's very easy for me not to care about your comment.

  4. You have a stronger will than most males, and I understand continuing to walk a righteous path in the midst of filth and debauchery. I am literally a 27 year old male virgin "I will not even go into the reasons but it heavily involves the behavioral mindset of black women" and have trouble thinking about this state continuing. This is why people must put their faith in Christ instead of themselves. Your resolve is commendable.

  5. I couldn't agree with you more. There's more to life than sex, and it's sad people won't realize that. Sex is a strong device used by the devil to get human beings off course. I'd rather be abstinent than deal with all the baggage that comes along it- like you said, injury, incarcerations, unplanned pregnancy, abortion, single mama, just to name a few. Being sexually abstinent allows that light to shine brighter like it did when I was a young girl. I have more joy, radiance, and a new outlook. Like you said, I have no time to be around dysfunctional people. With sex. you are attached to other people's spirits. Nah, man, I'd choose abstinence any day. Good blog, sir, you have good points.