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Monday, September 17, 2012

What it Means When Women Call A Guy "Too Nice"

A long time ago a girl told Tupac Shakur he was “too nice”.

So to get the attention of women he reinvented himself as a thug and created the culture of “thug life.”

When I was growing up girls often told me I was “too nice” as well.

But unlike Tupac I stayed myself.

The difference between Shawn and Tupac?

Confidence. Security in my identity. A sense of self-worth.

When I was told this by women, I understood that any woman who said I was “too nice” wasn’t right for me.

No man should ever think that he has to change himself for a woman. If anything, he should change the types of women he’s checking for if they tell him he’s “too nice.

Some women who think a man is “too nice” are usually too troubled. Most have self-esteem and self-worth issues. They don’t feel they are deserving of a healthy relationship.

That’s why they’re dating all those drug dealers, ex-cons and thugs.

Others are just “too scared”. They’ve never experienced a man with different set of values than they’re used to. Because they’re used to a man from a certain set of values and experiences they don’t know how to approach them or talk to them.

And because they don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings by telling them they have absolutely nothing in common they just say “he’s too nice”.

Smart men like myself know they’ve dodged a bullet when a woman tells them this. That it’s a quiet way of brushing a guy off. His signal to move on to the next woman.

But guys like the late Tupac Shakur who don’t understand women take this type of statement to heart. They change themselves to please women. They continue to try to pursue women who are completely out of their league.

What they don’t know is that they’re giving their power away by compromising themselves. Worse, they’re wasting their time.

A man can change everything about himself, but if a woman isn’t feeling him, she isn’t feeling him. No amount of tats, headrags, gold teeth or Glocks are going to change that.

All a man does by changing himself to please someone who doesn’t like him for is make himself miserable. And pleasing a woman isn’t worth sacrificing a man’s own personal happiness. All that’s going to lead to is resentment for that woman that will eventually sabotage his relationship with her.

Here’s some advice for those guys who are told they are “too nice” by women: if numerous women in an area aren’t into the kind of guy you are, you stay yourself.

If anything, change your environment.

For example I’m an artsy/creative guy. And I live in a neighborhood filled with baby mamas, chicken heads and hoodrats. Do I stay and try to talk to and date the baby mamas, chicken heads and hoodrats I have nothing in common with? Do I try to pursue the women who don’t understand me or what I’m talking about? The kinds of women who are just going to tell me I’m “too nice?”

No, I go to the areas of the city where the artsy/creative women hang out. It’s there that I’ll find the women who will have something in common with me. It’s there that I’ll find people who understand me and what I’m talking about. It’s there I’ll find women who are attracted to me.

But many of the “nice” guys never figure this out.

Instead they keep trying to shove that square peg into a round hole. Trying to please women while making themselves more and more miserable. Following a self-destructive paradigm that always leads to failure in pursuing the opposite sex.

Doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. The textbook definition of insanity.

Guys you need to understand when a woman tells you that you’re “too nice” she’s letting you down easy. And if she’s not into you, she’s just not into you. Change the types of women you pursue and you’ll change your life.


  1. Great post, Shawn. I wish you had also mentioned something you have talked about before - some women's need to control and dominate.

    Know, though, that this works both ways. I've known men to chide women for being "too uppity," "acting white," and a host of other putdowns. You could also do a good and useful blog on this. This blog is as good as any mental health worker could write, and I commend you on getting it together.

  2. Good post. It should be widely read.

  3. Pfaff you Pussy You Thinking you are in some way Better as Pac ? Hahaha