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Monday, August 27, 2012

Why Real Men avoid Single Mothers

Real men don’t date single mothers.

Why? Because dating a single mother is just a HEADACHE. Dealing with these women is a recipe for drama, drama, and more drama. Seriously, these women are just not worth the grief. They’re stranded in 18+ years of Hell and they’re looking for someone to be company to join them in their misery.

Why should a man avoid a single mother? Let me list the numerous reasons.

Never Available A single Mother’s schedule is never open. Single mothers are the kind of women to always cancel dates at the last minute. Something always gets in the way of a man spending time with her. It’s hard to have a relationship with her because she’s never there.

YOU are NOT a priority. Usually in a relationship the man winds up DEAD LAST. Behind, her kids, her job, the car, the kitchen sink, the stopped up toilet. Even the dog gets more attention and affection than a man involved with a single mother. Any man who gets involved with a single mother winds up a fifth stringer in a relationship. And he rarely ever gets called up to play.

Thinks the world revolves around HER and ONLY HER. A single mother is one of the biggest narcissists on the dating scene. She often thinks that a man has to drop everything in his life to be part of hers and her kids. They’re so selfish they don’t think a man has needs, wants or a life of his own. He’s just supposed to be there to give her everything she wants in life.

Emotionally Unavailable- Most Single mothers cannot form an intimate connection with a man because her feelings are invested in other people. Usually her primary focus is on her children.

In addition to dedicating herself to her children, most single mothers have given their hearts to someone else- their children’s father. And those feelings she still has for him will always prevent her from getting closer to you. There will always be some distance between a single mother and the new man in her life.

The ex/ Baby Daddy is ALWAYS THERE. A man just doesn’t deal with a single mother. He deals with her ex or her baby daddy as well. And this guy is always hovering around like a helicopter looking to cockblock you. Some of these guys still think they have a shot at getting back with her. Others just don’t want to see her happy. A lot of these dudes want to fight over her.

Seriously, it’s a game they’re playing with each other. And they’ll be playing that game with each other until their children turn 18 or 21. Head for the exit. It’s just not worth dealing with this fool and his insecure bullshit.

The kids are working AGAINST YOU When dealing with a single mother you also deal with Kids. Kids who still in their little heart of hearts think that Dad will come back and love them.
Those kids will HATE YOU. They will act out to keep you from getting closer to mommy. They will make accusations against you to get you in trouble. Again, it’s just not worth dealing with the bullshit to get with a female. There are four billion women in the world. You can find a quality female who doesn’t carry all this baggage or give you this much grief.

Entitled attitude Single mothers think because she had a baby out of wedlock the world owes her EVERYTHING. And she thinks she’s the one who deserves the best. Even though she’s usually collecting welfare, food stamps, or child support, in eyes she’s still supposed to be treated like she’s a queen because she popped a kid out of her vagina.

In their deluded distorted vision of the world Men are still supposed to take her out to the finest restaurants and buy them lots of expensive stuff. And he’s supposed to take care of her kids too, buying them whatever they want while taking a blind eye to their bad behavior.

Distorted self-image Single mothers still thinks she’s as sexy like she was before she had a baby. Only she doesn’t understand how her body has changed. In some cases for the worse.

Single mothers are the type to try to squeeze themselves into sexy outfits like low-rise jeans and cropped T-shirts to show off their belly button, not seeing the muffin top and stretch marks squeezing out over the top of their pants. They’re the type to stuff themselves into slinky spandex dresses, (not aware of that gut, and the cellulite on their asses) and head out to the club. She thinks men are supposed to run up on her offering to buy her drinks. And because a few thirsty simps step to her, she thinks she’s still got it. But the only people who wants what she has to offer are scavengers at the bottom of the social scene.

Always the victim. Single Mothers never take responsibility for their actions. The situation they’re in is always the fault of that “no good man”, “these damn kids” their mother or someone else. They never take any time to do any self-examination or make any efforts to change their lives. They’re still looking for some Rich Incredibly Handsome Man™ to put on a cape and play Captain Save-A-Hoe™, sweep her off her feet and take her out of the troubling situation she helped make.

Jekyll & Hyde Personality. A single mother will be the sweetest thing when a man first dates her, but a few months into a relationship she turns into a NUTJOB. A man will usually see glimpses of this when she chastises her kids when he first meets them. During that meeting she’ll yell at them and bully them to get them to act right while praising a man like he’s an angel.

It’s all an act. Heaven will turn into Hell around the six month mark.

Once a single mother gets a man settled into her life it’s not common for her to start verbally abusing him and mocking him as she projects all that pent-up rage from those previous failed relationships onto him. And it’s usually around this point that most men realize why this woman is single and why it’s time for him to hit the exit door.

Drama Queen. Because a single mother always sees herself as a victim of society, she’s always talking about her problems. And she always has a new trouble to bring everyone. There’s never a good day in the life of a single mother because there’s always some new crisis about to emerge in her life.

The reason single mothers need the drama is because it makes them feel important. It makes people pay attention to them. And when Captain-Save-A-Hoe™ is doting on them trying to solve their problems it makes them feel an artificial sense of value. They need that value to deflects people’s attention from how pathetic their lives actually are.

Manipulative In most cases, a single mother has no interest in a man she’s dating. In a lot of cases she’s just using a guy as a pawn.

In most cases she’s dating to make her Baby Baddy jealous. Deep down in her heart of hearts she believes that if she’s seen with someone else who sees her as valuable that he’ll see her as valuable and take her back.

In other cases when she’s not trying to get a rise out of Baby Daddy she’s playing the sympathy card™ using a guy to get gifts, free dinners and free drinks out of him. To a single mother, The men in her lives are just human ATM machines where she whispers a sweet nothing in his ear like a PIN number and money comes out of his wallet.

And because she’s a drama queen who loves to play the victim, the Single mother plays to men’s emotions to get them to react in the way she wants. It’s not common for a single mother to tell her man man about her baby daddy so he can go fight him. Or pit two baby daddies against each other. Many a man has wound up either dead or in prison because a single Mother played the victim card™.

Dishonest. A single mother is a LIAR. It’s how she gets what she wants. It’s how she manipulates people. It’s how she takes care of her kids. It’s how she survives in this world.

Single mothers lie. And they LIE ALL THE TIME. They lie to men about their age, their height, their weight, how many kids they have, the job they do.

On top of the lies they tell to others They lie to themselves. They lie about about how beautiful they are. They lie telling themselves they’re still a catch. They lie telling themselves they still have a chance with a good man. They lie telling themselves that their lives will be happily ever after one day.

The horrible truth is without those lies most of those single mothers would realize how pathetic their lives are. How they have no options in the dating scene. That they’re at the bottom of the barrel in the dating scene and the only men who want them are pathetic Manginas and thirsty Simps.

Carries Baggage, baggage and more baggage A single mother has more issues than Time and Newsweek combined. And when she’s looking for a man, she’s not looking for an equal caring partner. She’s looking for a Pullman Porter™ to take care of her kids, and clean up her messes with her childrens’ father. Brothers, don’t let yourself get sized up for the white jacket and the bow tie!

Anyway, dealing with a single mother is like walking through a minefield. After several months of being involved with her, it leaves a man anxious and tense because he doesn’t know where to step that won’t lead to an explosion that kills him.

That’s why Real Men avoid single mothers like disease.

Real men understand life is too short to put up with someone’s drama and their emotional baggage. We only have a limited time on God’s Earth and who wants to spend it being a Pullman Porter cleaning up someone else’s messes. As I stated before in a previous blog, let that woman take her run over Jimmy Choos and clean up her own mess. She made her bed, now let her lie in the wet spot.

Don’t date single mothers and don’t waste your time with them. There are four billion women in this world. If you’re patient, you’ll find a good one. 


  1. you must of done your research in a pretty ghetto ass part of town, everyone has baggage, no one just drops everything to be with any kind of man, most men are just looking for another mother anyways. as for trying to say all single mothers are after you wallet, you should find you a good women not some dirty whore. you may find most women now a days pay their own bills.

    1. You're an idiot if you think a single mom wants something other than man to support her.

  2. That is some bullshit. People have issues, but no Real man wants to pick up after a raggedy ass single mom and some other man's kids.

    Ain't no Real man getting sized up for a Bow tie and a white dinner jacket. Go back to that loser who left you with those kids.

    And single moms are after a dude's wallet. They know the baby's father has no money and doesn't want anything to do with them. Moreover, they know that no man wants them.

    1. Not true as long as a single mother is pretty.They can get another man.examples halle berry, heidi klum,jourdan dunn......depends on where you live and how you look and carrie your self.......

    2. This is the most disrespectful article that I have ever read. I have been a single mother for 14 years and have wanted nothing more than to simply complete my family for my children. I'm guessing you're opinion is formed based upon experience or the experiences of those in your circle which would be understandable but the drama that you speak of is what I experienced from the father of my children and I refused to allow my children to be affected by his irresponsibility. There are many single mothers, as myself, whose dream of happily ever after was stolen from us by promises of forever which turned out to be lies. As a single mother, I focus more on the development of my children rather than the undeveloped mind of a man who is not interested in having a family. What you described above is a bitter person who can either be one of two things, a man or a woman. We've all seen the drama from both spectrums. Your tone exemplifies that of hurt, pain, and anger. As a published author, when delivering a message to your audience, deliver positive messages and solutions that make your readers want more. The world is negative on a regular basis, let's make a difference by being a part of the solution. Be blessed!!!

  3. I've recently made the mistake of dating a single mother. I met a beautiful woman, she was more beautiful than any other woman I had ever dated (and I have dated many very beautiful women. I'm serious- I was the lead vocalist in a nationally touring band, and an undefeated prizefighter. I had no shortage of hot women to see.) Her beauty intoxicated me. I also missed having an actual emotional connection to someone. I was used to banging girls and moving on. I wanted something honest and real.
    THe reality of it is, that single moms will trap you. They can't help but do so. They know their kid needs a father, and that is what you become. The surrogate father, the band aid on a war wound. SHe fucked up, chose the wrong person, was dumb enough to have a kid with them... that is the bottom line. When you step into that situation, you are a means to an end. SHe will do what she can to get you interested, she will make those first months so fucking wonderful you can't explain it. Then, as time sets in, she will start to unfold her plan. I do not believe that this is a conscious thing. SIngle mothers aren't evil life sucking bitches, they are trying to survive. BUt they will use you. REmember this, and if you have already started dating a single mother, you know: you will come last. You are the least most important thing on her list of priorities. Yeah man, you. THis is exactly the opposite with a woman who doesn't have kids. A single mom cares about her kid, herself, her extracurriculars (b/c she has to fight have any), and then you. Once she has you, meaning, once she ropes you into developing a relationship with her child, you will move to the very end of her priority list. Trust me. DOn't believe me? Wait.
    That's when she has you. Because if you are a good man, once you've developed a relationship with her kid, you won't leave. You will feel obligated to stay. ONce he starts calling you "dad" you won't want to break his heart. She has you. You will continue to come in last. She will start asking more and more of you. Things like alone time with her, romance and passion will no longer exist. Sex will become conditional, she will treat it like a chore. You will see all of this unfold slowly, before you can realize how deep you are in.
    DOn't believe me? Try it, see what happens.
    AVOID SINGLE MOTHERS AT ALL COST! I write this while sitting in a living room after having put her kid to sleep. She is at work. When she comes home she will tell me she is tired and go to sleep. I will wake up and go to work and it will start all over again. If you are a young successful attractive young man, AVOID SINGLE MOMS AT ALL COST- NO MATTER HOW HOT SHE IS, OR HOW NICE SHE IS. AVOID THEM. You can do better. You deserve better. Remember that.
    Please listen to me on this. Please.

  4. PDT,

    I dated a single mom on and off. I was blind to everything u just said until the last time we broke up. Everything u said i started to notice towards the end of our relastionship. She talked about having kids all the time. Even tried it once then i realized what i did and got her plan b. You speak the truth brother!! I will never date a single mom again. Thanks for this article it opened my eyes. I am young, good job and good looking i can do better for myself.


  5. Oh, I made that mistake and it will never happen again!! Everything with her and I went fine until the ex showed up and wanted to fight me over her, not the kids. Just a no-job having, ashy, ratchet ass coon-dog who just didn't want her to be with anybody else. So the next thing I know, she starts taking her attitude out on me for no damn reason and then has the nerve to try and get me fired from my job! So I just said to her fuck her and him both! And I hope they get along well together because they deserve each other.

  6. The title should say "Why Boys Should Avoid Single Mother"

    These are the most uneducated reasons I have ever read, you so called men need to get a life complaining that because a woman is a single mother that the man will always come last, she doesnt have to be a single mother for you to come last, she just has to have priorities, A job will cause you to come last, her having girlfriends will cause you to come last, and despite what you penny pinchers think not all single mother's are looking for you to take care of them and their children, sounds to me like you all are just bitter because you chose to get involved with a manipulative woman who happens to be a mother instead of placing the blame on yourself for being duped u place the blame on her and make it about her being a single mother. FYI not all single mothers come from broken relationships, ever heard of a widow?
    And until you date EVERY single mother across the globe your answers are nothing more than childish rants

  7. Uneducated? Please. Someone is butthurt.

    You just proved everything I said right in your attempt to debunk why Real men shouldn't date single mothers.

    There are priorities and then there's just being left behind. And no man wants to be left behind cleaning up another man's mess. That's why Real Men avoid single mothers. Only thirsty simps and Mama's boy Manginas pursue Single mothers because they're desperate enough to scavenge the bottom of the barrel of the dating pool.

    Shaming language and deflections will not reinforce your argument. I'm not talking about widows in this piece. Or else it'd be titled "Why Real Men avoid Widows"

    When I write about Single Mothers I'm talking about women who have children out of wedlock with males and then return to the dating scene looking for another man to be a surrogate father to that man's children.

    1. Children are "another man's mess?" You are another man's mess. I personally have a dad who is married to my mom. Too bad your dad didn't want you and your mom is a whore just like all the rest of the single mom's from the ghetto. You can take a boy out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of the boy.

  8. I agree 100% with the author. If you are a man without children, you should date a woman without children. Work Hard, stack your money, get your passport travel the world and experience all the beautiful childless women in it. Don't settle for another man's sloppy seconds.

    Don't be fooled, most of these single mothers out here are not victims. Most of them were having unprotected sex with some lowlife bum and got pregnant It's the "baby daddy's" responsibility to raise and finance her child not yours! If the "baby daddy" is such a bad man the SHE shouldn't have gotten pregnant from him!

    These single mothers would NEVER have been interested in you before they had children, and they are only interested in you now, because of what you can do for her and her children!

  9. hi Shawn,
    i've got to say, this does sound like a rant as opposed to a well composed analysis. i'm not trying to bash you but yours do not sound like well researched points. you are only backing it up with personal experiences which don't really say much about any majority of single mothers. like the whole 'they still think they are hot but they are fat with stretch-marks and muffin tops'---lol i had to laugh at that. i'm a single mother and i workout regularly, i'm in great shape...better shape then many of my friends who don't have children-men and women!

    also, your points make YOU seem insecure and self-centered. i'm not saying that you are but your points are working against your character if indeed you are a secure, confident, "real man"....for instance: "Never Available", "YOU are NOT a priority", "Thinks the world revolves around HER and ONLY HER.", "Emotionally Unavailable-", "The ex/ Baby Daddy is ALWAYS THERE", "The kids are working AGAINST YOU", and so on and so on... it all makes you seem to be the demanding one. i'm sure everyone has dated a person with these characteristics who don't even have children. think about it... Shawn, have you ever dated someone without kids who blew you off regularly? has had nosey, jealous friends hovering, wanting you to break up so they can have them all alone? family members who are against your relationship? emotionally unavailable or doesn't want to commit? ...drama queens come with or without kids, in all colors, shapes, and sizes, sweetie. and manipulation is an ugly trait that belongs to the human race as a whole. not solely, or mostly single mothers. as for "baggage, baggage, baggage"...this whole post is proof of your own.

    its not good to generalize a whole group after you've had a couple of bad experiences. by reading your blog post i can see that you've been jaded by a shady person. however, i don't think that it was because she was a single mom that you were treated so poorly...i think she was all of the above before her kids and before you came along, personally. even if she didn't have kids you would have learned all of her character flaws at one point or another. don't let the fact that one or two self-indulgent women who just so happen to have children ruin your whole view point on dating a wonderful woman who just so happens to be a single mother. life is too short and genuine connections are slim and precious.

  10. Sorry, not generalizing. The South Bronx is the Single mother capital of New York City. Growing up and into my adulthood, I've seen all the situations I've posted transpire around me. I've seen men get shot, stabbed and in fistfights dating single mothers Here in the South Bronx. It's not a good situation for a man to be in.

    Even the recent Halle Berry/Gabriesl Aubry/Oliver Martinez fight shows everyone all the reasons wny men shouldn't date Single mothers.

    I'm not insecure or self centered. I'm presenting the point of view from real men regarding single mothers and their experiences with single mothers.

    Have you read the comments here of of men who have been involved with single mothers? Not a single positive one. In fact they reinforce all my points.

    Now drama queens come in all forms child and childless, but you can't deflect from the facts regarding Single mothers. These are the horrible truths regarding dating them and the reasons why most eligible men avoid them and their baggage.

    I've never been burned by a woman (thank God). So please take that shaming language elsewhere. What I present in this blog are truth and facts.

    1. It's true! Men are so used to baby mamas with 3 kids they don't' know what to do with a single educated child free woman. They feel lost if they are with a woman like me: no drama!

  11. Man so many good talking points. Ok so I agree with the authors points on what we are dealing with. I do however, believe there are a few genuine single mothers who are where they are due to unforseen circumstances that are manageable....manageable.

    However, I would say that is no more than 8-10% of the population of single moms.

    Its true about the man taking the back seat. A single mom HAS to worry about her kids the most.

    A real man CAN be a real man and take on a woman with a child, and be a father figure to that the right circumstance. Please I stress that because there are too many situations where a man is just there for ATM withdrawls.

  12. Single mothers tell you that a REAL man would man up and take care of her and her "family".

    Everything you said is true man, and the anonymous poster said it as well.

    It's a trap, if you are in one GET OUT!

    It is exactly six month of constant, great sex, The kids always at grandma's. And then once they've got you, and somehow they know, then BAM they shut the trap and you feel stuck.

    But don't be fooled, they've been brainwashing you for months how to be a real man and step up for them and now you like the rest of the world owe them. You don't. You dated and god forbid married someone and if you're not happy you are entitled to leave. It's not you fault they slutted around and DO NOT make it you problem. Do not try to save them because you feel sorry
    For them, like others have said, you are the last priority. You cannot save them.
    They are where they are because theyade bad choices and they are not going to change that now. DOnt be dragged down with them.

  13. I am 51. When I was 19, I met a woman who had a kid. I had low self-esteem, wasn't self-sufficient and had a misplaced sentimentality about this woman and her kid. The gravitational sympathy-vibe was very strong, like it is for lots of hapless guys who go down this path. To make a long story even longer; we conceive another kid, shotgun-marry, stepson hates me, we hate each other and are completely ill-suited, we get divorced after three years, and I do the decent thing and raise my kid as a single dad. Her mom drove her nearly to suicide by marrying a guy with a boatload of his own kids and two aged parents. A rat's nest of complications. So I bit the bullet and stayed single, which I still am. My daughter and I have a pretty good relationship. Life is great with her in it, but I have a lot of regret.

    Anyone contemplating marrying a single mom needs to be fully aware of how the extra moving parts can complicate things. Young people are often poor judges. You can destroy your peace of mind if you don't watch out.

  14. I had to laugh at this article, because a "real man" would not be so ignorant and generalize the way you do in such a hateful way. I am a single professional mom who has a great career, in good shape, attractive, smart, caring, and great mother to my child. I do not need some man to be my ATM. My child's father is in the picture and handles his responsibilities, while there is ZERO drama to speak of. I have been active in the dating scene and never expected ANY man to handle the responsibilities I have as a parent. No man has even actually met my child yet because I am not looking for a new daddy and do not introduce my child to every Tom, Dick and Harry I come across. That person needs to be special and worth it and a "real man" for me to even bring them into my child's life.

    The only TRUTH you said is that yes it is harder for a single mom to make free time and be available on the drop of a dime, but a REAL MAN would be understanding of that, especially for a woman who treats said man well and has things going for herself like I do. The ONLY reason I am single now is because I am the one who is picky and don't want to settle for less than I want in a man (and I am not talking financially). I have plenty of opportunities to settle down with good men who did not think me having a child is an issue at all.

    So in conclusion, you unfortunately are spewing the biggest stereotypes ever because there are plenty of good single moms out there working hard, doing for themselves, who deserve a good and real man by their side.

  15. Hey Anonymous Single mom:

    You think I'm generalizing? You obviously haven't lived in the REAL WORLD with us men. You're clearly in denial about the relationships of Single mothers and broken homes and what men have to deal with.

    You're laughing? I laugh at YOU.

    You think this article is hateful? Nah, You're just butthurt on reading the TRUTH.I see through all your shaming language and call you on your bullshit.

    Zero Drama? You just haven't brought another man into your picture and introduced him to your ex or your child. That's when your child's father who is helping you gives you "no drama" will show his douchier side. And that's when the dude you're dating will get up and leave because he realizes he's going to be a thorn in his side.

    Not needing to use men as an ATM? Please. That's what women DO in America.

    You think you're not looking for a new daddy for your kids? You might want to rethink the hubris of your words. Because the lies you tell yourself are obviously clear to me.

    Come back to those statements when your kid is 13-18 and giving you HELL like the kids of most single moms do. Or just bring that kid around new man. That's when they start acting out and showing their resentment towards this new stranger who wants to replace their father in their mother's life.

    Any single mom who dates is looking for a replacement dad for her kids. And she has to factor that in before she gets involved with a new man.

    You're picky: DENIAL. More like guys don't want to pick YOU. Another defensive attempt at Shaming language.

    Real Men like myself understand one thing: We avoid single mothers and their drama. We know it's not our job to be the garbage man and clean up a mess he didn't make. Take them run over Jimmy Choos, go get you some Hefty bags and get to cleaning up your own garbage.

  16. Well, I agree somewhat but your views being as negative as they are make me wonder how much time you've given to get to know these women before you get into a serious relationship.

    I've dated two single moms, both with Baby Daddy Drama. And by that I mean these guys were the epitome of loser, jobless, in debt, and completely incapable of sharing their life with a woman, let alone giving up their life to be a provider.

    With the relationship with the woman where the dad didn't care, it worked out for her that he didn't. Once he put down the game controller and realized he was a grown man with grown responsibilities, he took more of a role as a father and not some reclusive dude who had someone to play video games with on the weekends. That allowed her to get her party on once he spent more time with their son. That was what she had been missing since she was a teen mom, and I was blindsided by that as guys started popping up and I heard guys voices in the background during our conversations where she was home or wherever getting high and drunk (I'm USMC and was deployed in Afghanistan at the time). It made it easier because where I was in the world; I just shook it off and ignored her...never speaking to her again. I hope her the best though. I met her son, spent time with them, but never reached out to replace "dad." I left it up to him to accept me or not, and to him I was just mom's boyfriend. In that case because of Mom's behavior I said to myself, "not my son, not my problem" when I walked away.

  17. The second, damn, she was and still is sexy with a body that just pops. Even after a kid you wouldn't even know it. The Baby Daddy wasn't even in the picture. She was a friend that I tried to get with and ended up in the "friend zone" years before as she seemed to go for obsessive, suicidal men. As soon as she got pregnant, he kicked her to the curb. She tried to get away but he followed her...300 miles to be exact and he hovered around her, not really giving a s*** but keeping an eye on them to make sure he was still #1. Why she never took legal action I'll never understand. As soon as I came into the picture a couple of years later, then all of the sudden he was all about mending their relationship and being a Dad. The guy even went so far as to block my number on her phone so I couldn't call or text her, got one of his buddies fired from Verizon by doing so. Now that's a kind of psychotic that I have to commend...I mean wow, you just couldn't make that up. On our second date, he went over to her house, kicked the babysitter out and called her saying he was going to kill himself in front of their son if she didn't come home so that date ended early and I was smart enough to walk away from that short lived relationship all together. No further explanation needed. Great woman all in all but a poor judge of character and pretty self destructive. Took the wanting a "bad boy" to the reality of having one. I tried to be with her but it wasn't my job to rescue her because I knew her long before we got together and kept my distance once she got with this guy, ignoring my warnings from the start. She had a chance with me before getting involved with the loser but didn't take it so I was her backup guy and took it for what it was worth. In that case I never met her son so no harm done. She has since got knocked up again with a promise of marriage by him, and big surprise, got kicked to the curb again.

    Two different experiences, but I'm not so hostile about it. I learned from it and because of that, will not date another single mom. I didn't allow myself to be trapped or feel that way, and neither one of the woman saw me as a pawn...or at least I got out before that happened. The main reason is that I would like a life with a woman who is flexible and would like to experience life before we have a family...together. For me to accept the role of being a father right off the bat I've learned I don't want. It's a choice. She made the decision to have a baby with an irresponsible imbecile, I made the choice to not be a part of it.

  18. It's hilarious how single mothers are quick to point out what a real man is/does but apparently they have no clue because if they did,they wouldn't be a single parent they'd be happily married

    1. Lol...kinda rude but so trueee

  19. Dam,i know suckas come a dime a dozen but what makes a man want to get involved with a bag lady?if the kitten didn't want you why accept the cat? It's beyond comprehension.

  20. It's not always so cut and dry. Sometimes there's history there, bad timing, who knows, but not all single moms have a hidden agenda to destroy all men. It's mostly the lazy women with a sense of entitlement that trap these poor dudes into taking care of her and her kid/kids. And if the man allows that happen to him, that's his fault for not having a pair. Once she has her fill of losers, she suddenly realizes that hey, it actually takes someone with integrity to help provide for her and goes for the hard working good guy...and destroys him.

  21. It's cut and dry alright, because in life,you get what you settle for.and the same goes for selecting women. I'm a black man from Compton California and my personal opinion is that 70 to 80 percent of African American "men" have no standards when it comes to selecting a mate.I mean just settle for,and accept any and everything. Far too often black men accept short-term happiness over long-term joy, and a single mother is shory-term happiness at its best. For those who read the Bible, Proverbs 31 gives a concise description of what an ideal woman is and that is VIRTUOUS! !!! A VIRTUOUS woman doesn't hav kids out of wedlock :)

    1. I'm a child-free woman and a Christian and I like your style! I hope you find what you want out of life.

  22. Fellas, as MEN we have to quit allowing our emotions to usurp our natural God-given ability to think wisely, rationally,and logically. If life is like a chess game,why do we checkmate ourselves by dealing with these bottom feeding,scavenging single mamas?

  23. "Fellas, as MEN we have to quit allowing our emotions to usurp our natural God-given ability to think wisely, rationally,and logically. If life is like a chess game,why do we checkmate ourselves by dealing with these bottom feeding,scavenging single mamas?"

    I approve of The previous comment posted above me. So much truth.

    Life is too short to waste with a single mother and her baggage. There are FOUR BILLION women in the world and FOUR WOMEN for every MAN. there is absolutely no reason for any decent man to scavenge the bottom of the barrel for another man's ready-made family. Get some standards, get some balls and go out and get the best in life!

  24. I truly agree with Shawn's blog/post. He nailed everything on the face of the earth about this really frustrating relationship I just got out of. Now I klnow I wasn't imagining things. Beautiful woman, outwardly intelligent..knows all the right thigns to say. But..4 kids, non-stop drama. All her kids (her as well)..including her 20 something yearolds are on public assistance. Her kids ..all of them...acted out against me. She ignored it and pretended theior actions were about soemthing else ofcourse. She "cooled down" when she realized I wasn't going to move in with her. I just got done paying 22 years of childsupport..I'll be damned if I'm gong to fund her life too. I'm glad I have no problem meeting women..I'm out

  25. I truly agree with Shawn's blog/post. He nailed everything on the face of the earth about this really frustrating 9 month relationship I just got out of. Now I know I wasn't imagining things. She was an extremely sexy & beautiful woman who appeared as outwardly intelligent: always knows all the right things to say. She had ..4 kids, non-stop drama. All her kids (her as well)..including her 20 something year olds are on public assistance. Her kids ..all of them...acted out against me. She ignored it and pretended their actions were about something else ofcourse.
    I also started noticing this pathetic pattern of her putting me down when she should have been building me up. I received some medals for military service retroactively. All she did was start wailing about "I wish I had some medals for raising my kids."
    I was an all-american athelete, and decribed by women as very goodlooking. But this ignorant woman would try to make me subservient around her sons. I refused. If I put on an outfit before taking her out, she would rail on about how "good" her 22 yr. old would look dressed up.

    She "cooled down" when she realized I wasn't going to move in with her. I just got done putting two kids through college and got another on the way. I'll be damned if I'm going to pick up her tab. I had to finally look at things more critically. This woman, in her mid forties, is still living with her mother, collects wellfare, treats her sons like gods (of what I don't know..wellfare maybe) & thinks she is the freaking queen (of what I don't know).

  26. To Anonymous: I know my research was done in one of the nicest homes in the nicest neighborhoods in the area. There is trash everywhere

  27. This article is hilarious ..
    Single dads thinking they deserve better than a single mom, "men" who put together judgements against a group as a whole like it's actually common sense, & another calling a women with a child non virtuous, ( even though I know many childless women who are super whores) Ever heard of an abortion ? But yes, the woman who has 10, but is childless when you meet her is a way more virtuous choice.
    A real man would not read a blog posted by a bitter boy. And any response to my post disagreeing with an opinion, only proves the lack of maturity from the author. All those who agree with this ignorant post would do themselves a huge service in leaving this page and focusing their energies on what a real man actually is.
    He is definitely not one to rant about his dating mishaps.
    Who you choose to date is a choice, but to categorize all single mothers as one breed shows nothing but a complete lack of intelligence.
    I would even go as far as recommending this blog to young men as an example of what a real man is not.

  28. .. Posted by a real man, who knows real women come in all shapes and sizes

  29. This article is hilarious ..
    Single dads thinking they deserve better than a single mom, "men" who put together judgements against a group as a whole like it's actually common sense, & another calling a women with a child non virtuous, ( even though I know many childless women who are super whores) Ever heard of an abortion ? But yes, the woman who has 10, but is childless when you meet her is a way more virtuous choice.
    A real man would not read a blog posted by a bitter boy. And any response to my post disagreeing with an opinion, only proves the lack of maturity from the author. All those who agree with this ignorant post would do themselves a huge service in leaving this page and focusing their energies on what a real man actually is.
    He is definitely not one to rant about his dating mishaps.
    Who you choose to date is a choice, but to categorize all single mothers as one breed shows nothing but a complete lack of intelligence.
    I would even go as far as recommending this blog to young men as an example of what a real man is not.

    Wow. Just Wow.

    Someone is about as mature as a 10-year old. They talk about a lack of maturity when they're showing how childish they are. Ironic.

    Sorry, but you can't defend single moms to a man who lives around them and their dysfunction EVERY DAY. In 40 years of living I've seen TWO GENERATIONS of boys grow up FUCKED UP in my South Bronx neighborhood.

    I've seen the shoot outs, stabbings and fights guys have over single moms. I've seen the kids who grow up in single parent households grow up to become single moms themselves.

    Whoever this Mangina is, I see right through your shaming language, paradoxes and other headgames. I'm responding to you to let you know what a BITCH you actually are for trying to dictate the terms of my blog. You're the one showing the lack of maturity and you're the one who is pathetic. This is my blog and I dictate the terms here.

  30. You're 40 years old, obviously single, and posting a rant about single mothers .. Lmao. Enough said.
    Stop trying to dispense advice when you desperately need it yourself

  31. & if you'd like to be the the only opinion or dictator of your blog, I suggest you remove the comment section ;)

  32. & if you'd like to be the the only opinion or dictator of your blog, I suggest you remove the comment section ;)

    Again you don't dictate the terms and conditons of this blog.

    If you don't like what you've read, get back on your white horse and ride back to Simpalot. I don't tolerate White Knights here.

    People are allowed to express their opinions and disagree here. But they aren't going to be allowed to launch into ad-hominem attacks, use shaming language and shaming tactics or attack other people.

  33. A "Real Man" doesn't say what you are saying. That's it. It just shows the value that you don't have... As a "person"

  34. We aren' t allowed to launch into attacks, use shaming language, and sharing tactics, or attack other people? I think you are contradicting yourself. You are the one doing al those things! Make up your mind! Lol.... Loser.

  35. You must have had a bad experience because all woman are not the same. You have posted an opinion that does not have any real facts or answers in it. I am currently in a relationship and she is so giving and understanding and is always there for me. We have sex at least once a day but sometimes 3 and she sucks my c*7% everyday. She makes plenty of time for everyone in her life and has her shit together. I have not had a job for over a year and have been in pursuit of something better work wise and she has been nothing but patient, working 2 jobs. She is a hot size 1 with a figure that would blow any man away and she takes care to always look good for me. She is a hell of a cook and keeps a nice house too. So not all woman are the same just as all men are not the same.

  36. You keep mentioning that your data comes from your Bronx neighborhood, I imagine there is much else that needs to be dealt with in that area. But my suggestion to you is to perhaps place yourself in another environment; stagnation is sure to beget negativity and complacence.

    Additionally, I wanted to point out that many women chose to become single mothers. For some of us, after earning two degrees, building a career, buying a house, and adding stamps to the passport, the biological clock is ticking and there is no partner, but there are alternate means of becoming a parent, either through adoption, fostering, or sperm donation.

    Some women chose to go it alone, rendering them truly single; there is/are no loser men or baggage in the picture, just a woman who desired motherhood. Your rant is decidedly shortsighted, perhaps you should broaden your horizons.

  37. Clearly one of these commenters is a Mangina. If you have to talk about all the sex you're getting from your size 1 girlfriend with two jobs, (I never asked)it's clear that you're insecure and are looking for a way to validate yourself.

    Bravo. Bully for you.

    But the fact that you keep coming back here to argue with a complete stranger shows me how WEAK you are.
    Of course she's patient, she's holding ALL THE CARDS. And dude, you are in a PUSSY TRAP. Read my blog about that. You've lost all your personal power and all your leverage. She may be sucking your cock but you're the one who's getting FUCKED.

    If she's making time for everyone, she definitely has a dude on the side on you.

    Now to this single mom with her multple degrees and her high profile job:

    A guy just talked about his experiences in a nice neighborhood with a single mom. Scroll up and listen to his story.

    The only women who choose to become single mothers who are have all that "success" are desperate women who can't find a man to marry them. Usually it's their bad attitude, selfishness and huge ego that keep people from connecting with men. Yeah, their educated and succesful, but they're also arrogant, condescending, obnoxious, and just plain WACK to us men. Most have the personality of a cardboard cereal box, no hobbies, interests or anything fun to do that's outside of their job. They're BORING.

    Those women don't choose to go it alone, it's that NO MAN WANTS TO DEAL WITH THEM.

  38. I respect your article, and i am sorry you have had bad experiences with single moms in the past, however, i am a single mom and i dont agree with everything you say. I don't believe you can put all single moms in the same category, just like i would never put all men in the same category. You have good and bad. I have been a single mom for two years. I didnt date again until about 8 months ago. 1. I have never cancelled a date. 2. I am not a selfish person. No one owes me anything. 3. You can love your kids and have emotional attachments with other people in your life. 4. I have never verbally abused anyone....ever. 5. I don't talk to anyone about my problems, other than my closest girl friends that i trust. 6. The man i have been dating is a full time student, he doesn't take me on expensive dates or buy me gifts, and i am ok with that. 7. He has not been around my children. 8. My ex did something so terrible that he is no longer in our lives, and yes, i was married to him, no, i dont want him back. 9. I work full time and do not get child support, food stamps or welfare. 10. I am not a liar.

  39. I'll give you that; you may be the exception to the rule. There are some single moms who have their stuff together.

    You've only been a single mom for two years. So you really don't understand how decietful some of these other single moms out here are. These are the women I'm writing about. There are some other single moms out there that are total predators. These are the women I'm warning other men about. I want them to be aware of the warning signs so they don't wind up being used by these women. Moreover, I want women to understand why men avoid single mothers.

    It's nice that you're dating a guy and I'm glad you're keeping him away from your kids until you feel he's the right person to be around them. I hope things work out for you.

  40. Attn all viewers of this blog: I recommend taking a look at the "Willie Lynch Letter" and critiquing the content of that letter as well as the current conditions of African-Americans in general and I'm sure Steve Wonder could see the glaring similarities.After reading that,any "brotha" with a gram of common sense, would think twice about engaging in anything other than a "platonic" relationship with a single mother......Fellas,it is imperative that we break this "slave mentality" if we are to prosper as a people in this country

  41. I am a single mom and I make a lot of money. Dating one of you would be bottom feeding. I don't want or need a man to support me. Having a man around is like having another kid to take care of. Their egos are in constant need of attention and they expect to be cared for the way their mother did. Nothing is less attractive.

  42. You make a lot of money? Big deal. Sorry, but most Real Men don't care about how much money you make.

    I don't need a woman to take care of me, but I would like a partner who can be emotionally available to support me.And most single moms are so busy taking care of their child and their child's father that they can't be there for another man. Who wants to be a fifth wheel in a relationship cleaning up some other man's messs?

    Dealing with your character issues is what I consider bottom feeding. Dealing with that Baby daddy and his tantrums is bottom feeding. I'd rather stay single than have the quality of my life disrupted by dealing with all the headaches and drama it takes putting up with a single mother. For me, most Single mothers are low-hanging fruit!

  43. Thats a new one...."I make a lot money" lol,since when did money negate drama and bullshit?......I'm just saying

  44. To all the women out there without children who are considering having some one day,fyi "don't give milk away for free and then try to sell the cow" just cant put a million miles on a car then try to market it as brand new,but i guess thats just what baby mamas do

  45. I do make a lot of money, more than any man i have ever been with. My point about that is that I don't need financial support. Not all women create drama. Not all scenarios with exes are problematic. I say good for you for admitting up front that you don't want to be involved with a single mother. It's better to be clear. I personally feel happy to know that if I run into any of you, it will be clear that we won't waste our time. I do think most of you sound bitter. If you don't want a relationship with a single mom then don't have one.

  46. This article and many of the comments here are mean spirited.

  47. I am a single mom and I just want to get laid occasionally. I do not want a serious relationship. It's too hard.

  48. The blog isn't mean-spirited, it's the TRUTH.

    And to the single mom who just wants to get laid, Hey, isn't that how you wound up with the kids you have?

    Yeah, I know you want a dude to smash up the guts, but isn't that how babies are made? Just sayin. down with dudes for some casual no-strings sex without protection is how you become a single mom.

    Love how these single moms prove my points for me. Damn, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

  49. I am the mom who just wants to get laid. I got my tubes tied 6 years ago. I was also married for 12 years before I had kids. I was faithful for my entire marriage. My kids were planned. My ex became a drunk. I tried to work it out for another few years because I committed to it but in the end I had to get out. Fish in a barrel? I gotta give that one. You didn't know I wasn't one of those girls that let pregnancy happen while unmarried. Hell no. No freaking way. I can't stand the thought of it. I took my birth control pill every day as soon as I woke up. There was no way I was going to get pregnant on accident. I was 35, married, and a college graduate before I allowed that to happen.

  50. To the single mom:

    I'm sorry that your marriage didn't work out. But you have to move on.

    I was going to write a blog just to offer you some advice. The way you're approaching men isn't going to help you long-term. I still plan to write it.

    Getting involved in irresponsible behavior like getting into a jumpoff situation with a dude for sex isn't going to make things better for you. It's just gonna complicate things.

  51. This blog is not "mean spirited" it's the cut and dry, bend no corners TRUTH!!! Oh,and by the way,the TRUTH can be "mean spirited" but it's absolutely NECESSARY

  52. To the Single Mom who posts here: My blog written just for you is up here:

  53. Mr. James I have a question for you, here it goes: Can you name any notable men in the Holy Bible that engaged in a relationship and or married a single mother?and if I'm not mistaken, any woman found to have engaged in pre-marital sex was considered a whore/unclean(according to the Bible).......It just seems to me as if single mothers are under the "delusion" that they'll find "Mr.Right" at church and a "church-goer" will overlook the drama that comes with her. Talk to me Mr.James

  54. Anyway, Mr.James back to my question,..,I used a biblical analogy because far too often I see a whole bunch of women "trying to get their act together" by becoming and avid "church-goer" as if that is supposed to negate their baggage.... Question#2: Aren't we as MEN,supposed to make decisi based upon WISDOM,LOGIC,AND RATION (CIRCUMSPECT)? ....I need some feedback Mr. James,enlighten a brotha

  55. This brother speaks the truth!

    Glad I found this site/blog. Yes, I too have made the mistake and suffered at the hands of the epidemic/cancer to the American Society known as the SM (Single Mother). The ones that are messing up Society are the serial "baby-mamas" who spread their legs open and create bastard children with multiple losers, then turn around and look for suckers (aka a "real man") to come clean up all their garbage.

    I have run into single mothers who have two or more men, UNDER THE AGE OF 30! You will be surprised to find out that these women even have the audacity to walk around thinking they are doing you a favor by giving you the time of day! How very sad, and scary. Be warned, and be prepared for the following if you choose to be involved with these Jezebels:

    1- To be placed in line as priority number (number of kids+her) + 1.
    2- To be used as a punch bag and then suffer whatever misplaced anger she has towards her baby-daddies
    3- Take note that the number of baby daddies she has will be directly proportional to the magnitude of her bitchness
    4- Even if the baby-daddy or baby-daddies is/are a bunch of losers, deadbeats, etc. you will still not be appreciated by the kids and you will be reminded by the brats that "YOU ARE NOT MY DADDY!"
    5- Should there ever be a fall-out, disagreement, debate b/w you and her, it will be them (her and her kids) against you. And you WILL lose.
    6- Not only do you have to worry about getting jabs from her crazy ass, you will get jabbed by her kids and then all the baby daddies. You will suffer and constantly be reminded implicitly or explicitly, how disposable you are.
    7- You will always be in the in disposable seat. The baby daddies will ALWAYS be in the picture
    8- You really want to have a kid/s with this serial baby-mama? Are you serious? You want to be baby-daddy number 3,4...etc? Is this what you saved yourself for, worked so hard for and pictured your family to be growing up? To inherit the leftovers of some other dudes?
    9- Be prepared to find out that as much as she dogs out her baby-daddy/ies, there might still be underlying feelings and at any given moment, it could be while she goes over to pick up her kid from the baby-daddy's place, etc., they could rekindle their old sexflames. It happens often and I know baby daddies who boast about still sleeping with their baby-mamas even when they have all "moved on."
    10- Be prepared to be a wallet, whether they admit it or not. Her burdens WILL be yours.

    Once again, don't say you weren't warned! Stay away from these infestations called Single mothers

  56. everything you've described in this article is 110% factual - I've decided that my new partner is not worth the time or hassle - especially how she cannot tell me where she works. I Smell a better girl (hopefully childless and willing to commit to a serious relationship/marriage) coming my way soon.

  57. Mr. James I have a question for you, here it goes: Can you name any notable men in the Holy Bible that engaged in a relationship and or married a single mother?and if I'm not mistaken, any woman found to have engaged in pre-marital sex was considered a whore/unclean(according to the Bible).......It just seems to me as if single mothers are under the "delusion" that they'll find "Mr.Right" at church and a "church-goer" will overlook the drama that comes with her. Talk to me Mr.James

    Getting back to you...
    No, there weren't any Biblical men who engaged in a relationship with a single mother.

    I covered this very issue as part of my "BEWARE OF THE WASHED UP BLACK WOMAN" Blog. Yes, the church is full of ex-hoes. And a brotha has to watch himself when dealing with these "Born again bullies" who use deflections and shaming language to intimidate men into dating them and then committing the same sins that they still commit and hope to commit with the pastor.

    However, I wouldn't go as far to call women who engage in pre-marital sex whores. Thanks to the shame created by the Pseudo Christian Church about sexuality, many men and women don't know about God's laws for sex and expressing their sexuality.

  58. Chicks who keep secrets should be...Charged to the game. You should know where she works and what she does if she wants to get involved with you...Maybe there's a chance she's either working the stripper pole or...another dude's pole. You can definitely do better.

  59. Thanks Mr. James, very informative, now where can I check out the "Beware of the washed up black woman" blog?

  60. Link is here. Copy and paste in your browser:

  61. Well Mr. James I checked out the blog regarding washed up black women as well as why 70%of black women are,and will remain single. I pose another question,here it goes: Is there any truth to the "Willie Lynch Letter"? I ask this because I'm seeing a correlation between these three blogs,the plight of the "Black Community", and the content of that letter. It's as if there is/was a strategic plan to keep Black Families and Communities in a shambles. The three issues you eloquently elaborated on in these blogs are signs and symptoms of something much deeper and I wanna know in your opinion,what the remedy for all this is....Talk to a Brotha Mr. James

  62. There was a strategic plan to destroy the black family, and while some believe it started with Willie Lynch I don't know if it went that far. It could, but I think it goes back about as far as the 1960's-1970s.

    I go into this subject in a Blog titled The Black Matriarchy-

    After slavery the Black family was intact. The father was still in charge of his household and disciplining his children. We had Black businesses, and black commerce such as Black Wall Street.

    While the Black man's employment was never stable with White men (to this day) When he had his own, he did fairly well.

    Now what destroyed The Black family was:

    1) the disproportonate drafting of Black men into the Vietnam war. This killed off many of the decent, educated, hardworking brothers and left our communities filled with Degenerates, hustlers, drug dealers, number runners, the illiterate convicts, pimps and pimp pastors. Worse, when the decent brothers came back from Nam, they got next to no support from their women and their communiites. Many wound up on drugs and in prison thanks to:

    2) The Black woman getting involved with the Feminist movement. Withthe Black man away in Nam fighting for to colonizethe Yellow man, White women like Gloria Stienem brainwashed Black women into believing that She could do it on her own, and didn't need a man and that he wasn't doing as great a job as the White man was doing for the White woman. I also go into this in my eBook Myth of the Strong Black Woman.

    but it was Her Man Uncle Sam who gave her financial support through welfare and other government programs. And in order to get these good gub'mint benefits all she had to do was kick the father out of his home.
    With the father out of the household, The Black family really started to degrade in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s. TV became a substitute dad teaching kids their values in his place and that's how the Black family has crumbled into dust ever since under the leadership of female headed households.
    The remedy for all this is simple: Bring the father back into the household and create our own businesses. But most American Black women are too brainwashed by White Slave masters to allow this to happen, and they teach their children to be slaves as well. So Most Black men will have to work covertly to achieve any progress.

  63. i'm not a single mom but i think your a total dick.....there is no go between about it. Your nailing other women for some dolt you decided to start fucking.

    seriously either grow a new pair of nuts because the grapeseeds your carrying around are failing you dismally.

    So over men like you who demand shit out of women yet arent even remotely close to taking responsibility for those demands.

    screw you

  64. i'm not a single mom but i think your a total dick.....there is no go between about it. Your nailing other women for some dolt you decided to start fucking.

    seriously either grow a new pair of nuts because the grapeseeds your carrying around are failing you dismally.

    So over men like you who demand shit out of women yet arent even remotely close to taking responsibility for those demands.

    screw you

    Nah, you do that with a dildo.
    Learn some spelling and punctuation. And learn how to write a sentence with the proper subject verb agreement. My nuts are bigger than yours, and it looks like my IQ is too.

  65. hello, i don't know where bronx is, but i'm from Australia. This makes me sad, you're opinions - you're fully entitled to them. I'm a single mum due to being in the 1% chance of pregnancy with taking contraceptives, I didn't even think on abortion... I was told i couldn't have children prior, it was a blessing. My child's father left the picture. And i have done it by myself with no regrets. I work, study and am a full time mum. We're happy with life. I'm in my mid twenties and even though i'm happy, i often look forward to meeting a guy that would want to become a family... I'm in no rush to have a man at this current time, whatever happens happens, but i feel i and my child one day deserves a 'real' man. My step dad married my mother of 3 kids and had another, they're still very much in love. Maybe being a bit more opened minded about single mum's.

  66. The Bronx is in the United States. We're the single mother capitol of the world Nothing but poverty all around me.

    It's nice that it seems to be working out for you, (call me when that kid is 13-14 and hormones are wreaking havoc and this child is cursing you out) But you're young. You really don't know what you're going to have to deal with. I've seen the problems single mothers have had FIRST HAND. And I've seen men avoid women avoid single mothers.

    I myself am a child from a single mother household. And it's not an ideal environment to raise a child. Especially with man who knows next to nothing about that family or that child.

    Your stepdad sounds like a nice guy, but he's the exception not the rule. Most men want nothing to do with single mothers and the baggage they carry.

  67. LOL dude your article was great

    "she made her bed now let her lie in the wet spot"


    this whole article was really good, true, and funny!

  68. You're a dick. And your blogs, and art, suck. That is all.

  69. I'm a dick, but I have the balls to be me. Obviously who wrote the last response has the emotional maturity of a 10 year old. I laugh at your pathetic childish response because it shows how jealous you are.

  70. I'll say this: Most of these single moms and their Mangina followers do a great job of proving my point with their juvenile responses. All a rational minded person with critical thinking skills has to do is just read their responses to see how ass backwards they are.

  71. Cheers to the author!

    I am a woman with children but I do not consider myself a "single" mother. My children's father and I are no longer together but he does an excellent job raising our children and we co-parent as a team. Our primary goal is to raise very healthy and emotionally stable children.

    First off, I have a degree from Harvard University. I have a professional career and I am financially able to care for my children and I do not have my children's father on child support. He is also Ivy League educated and owns a very successful company. Honestly, I find it rather difficult to find a man who has can measure up to what my ex and I have achieved collectively as well as independently. In reality, I make more money than the average man and with that being said, there really isn't much that any man would be able to contribute to me from a financial standpoint.

    My ex and I did not split because of relationship problems. We simply grew apart because we were both pursuing very demanding careers and as a result, our relationship failed, but we still respect and honor one another.

    We are able to co-parent because we harbor no resentment towards the other. We conduct ourselves as adults and we make it an effort to set a great example for our children. We live in separate homes, within a one mile radius in an affluent neighborhood. Our children attend a private school in which we split the combined annual tuition of $48,000 as well as other shared expenses.

    Here is my message to the lousy single mothers: First off, you would do yourself and your children a great service by assuming accountability for your plight and stop playing the victim. You are not a victim. More than likely you are just plain stupid.

    I never realized how many of you were so stupid until I saw the large amounts of WOMEN posting "Happy Father's Day" greetings to one another. You are not a father. You did not get yourself pregnant. Chances are, you're a single mother BY CHOICE. You most likely had a decent man but you ran him off with your ghetto mentality, lack of education and no class. Now, you are looking at Uncle Sam as if he's your sugar daddy. Ladies, take note: A MAN WHO DOES NOT HAVE KIDS, SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FEEL OBLIGATED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOURS. HE DOES NOT HAVE CHILDREN FOR A REASON! Stop getting bent out of shape because YOU failed to act responsibly. Would you pay for car that wasn't yours? Probably not. So why would you expect a man to pay for a child that isn't his? Your child is YOUR problem.

    Second, take some time to perform a detailed self-assessment. Be honest with yourself. If you are bad mouthing the father of your children, something is SERIOUSLY wrong with YOU! Only a complete imbecile would have children with a man that she would later bad mouth. Let's be real for a minute; all relationships leave very important clues about who and what we are. It’s much easier to delude ourselves into thinking we are blameless when we don’t have to look closely at history.

    Sometimes we bitch about all the shit in our lives to our friends and intimates. Because these people love us, they listen and commiserate and comfort. This can be the safety valve that allows dysfunction to continue. This is not about that kind of support. It is about getting the honest and direct third party feed back that encourages you to look deeply at yourselves and make changes. Prettying things up and spoon feeding you more bullshit is not useful. In fact, it merely fuels your ignorance.

    When we start seeing our own role and involvement in creating the messes in our lives it can be used to beat ourselves senseless with it. Blame, guilt and shame are absolutely counter productive here. Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for rising above stupidity and poor choices. Try opting out garbage and focusing on productivity.

  72. Single men should be dating single women with no kids! Let single fathers date single mothers! There are good women out there who don't have any of that chaos!

  73. to the author. ....imagine your mother was a single would you be saying this?. You're a joker. And what do you think about single dads? hahaha you thought you were smart. not at all.

  74. Another anonymous single mother or Mangina tossing out Shaming language in the hopes of hurting my feelings.

    I laugh at you.

    I grew up in a single mother household. I grew up around single mothers. I've seen them in action. I know their games. I'm more than qualified me to make these statements about single mothers because I have personal experience.

    The only joker here is YOU. Thanks for showing everyone how emotionally immature you are with your childish response.

  75. Single Mothers, aka Baby Mamas are thug-breeding sluts who pro-create bastard kids with thugs. They are single mothers by choice because most of them have no sense of commitment! Kid after kid, by man after man out-of-wedlock. Only in the Black community do they have the audacity to walk around calling themselves Queens, when they should be rejects. Many even have the audacity to act like you should be grateful that they are giving you the time of day, and that it's a priviledge for you to take another man's responsibility. The black community is screwed up, mostly because of them. YES, I said it. Why? Because 9 times out of 10, they are the ones raising the sorry ass black men who their daughters end up dating and complaining about. Shawn speaks the truth, and those who attack him are either sorry ass baby mamas, manginas and sIMPS (Simpletons Idolizing Mediocre Pu$$y). So-called "skrong" black women who can't handle words of truth. Little wonder why your net worth is $5. Infestations!

  76. Mr.James it amuses me how these kind of women(single mothers) make the proclamation "I don't need no man" lol....well let's see, how about taking food stamps,child support,section 8 and every other governmental handout away and see if no man is necessary

    1. No man is necessary. Neither are food stamps, section 8, child support, or any other handout. If single moms make it on their own, they are called Mangina. If they can't or won't, then they are called all the other things being said here.

  77. Yeah, they are quick to claim they need no man, yet they date man after man, attempting to recruit male role models for their bastard kids. Yet, when they will not take responsibility for raising and producing thugs. They will turn around and say because their kids didn't have fathers. Contradicting jackwagons.

  78. Very good points outlined here.

    Single moms may say they don't expect the new guy to foot the bill... but long term its inevitable! Dates will soon become family days out... and if everyone lives under one roof, its natural to be forking out birthday presents, xmas gifts, new sports gear, pay for the bike fixing, paying gas to pick the kids up from school etc.
    Yes... using your own income to help raise another mans child!
    If the new guy isn't careful... he may be paying for the same things that the biological father already contributes towards!

    I know single parent famalies are born out of circumstance, to be honest I have more respect if the single mother was married and had a long term relationship with the father. They at least tried to make a go of things.
    What is on the increase however... are single mothers who get knocked up by some badboy after a short fling... and hey presto! Suddenley Mr Badboy doesn't want commitment? ... and the mother suddenly wants a nice guy to come in and clear up the mess.
    As much as mom thinks the kid is 100% theirs, the baby still contains 50% of Mr Badboys genes, and will display his character traits as they get older.

    The million dollar question for childless guys here, is the fact that single mom may have decided she doesn't want anymore children, which means your own gene pool is rejected whilst you devote your time and resources to raise another guys meatball. It goes against the natual instincts of man.

    Single moms are better off dating single dads, as the playing fields are evened up.
    Its a major burden for a childless guy to get involved with the expense, baby dady drama, lack of availability, low on the priority list etc all outlined by Shawns blog.

  79. @ Truth Said:

    Very accurate (your statment below):
    "I know single parent families are born out of circumstance, to be honest I have more respect if the single mother was married and had a long term relationship with the father. They at least tried to make a go of things."

    I too have more respect for these types of Single Mothers (even though I would still not date them). Nine times out of ten, the Single Mothers (especially in the black community) are Single Mothers with kids out-of-wedlock, who, most times, end up having more than one kid from different "no good" men. As a matter of fact, it used to be a time when the question used to be "do you have A kid?". Nowadays, it's "How many do you have, and are they from the same man?" What puzzles me is how these women make one mistake (one kid out of wedlock), but don't wisen up and make sure that the second time around, the kid born is from a marriage. These "skrong" black women turn around and make the same mistake with 2nd, 3rd child, and so on. Then look for Mr. Nice guy to come and take up some other MEN'S responsibilities. Hypocritically, many will actually have the nerve to say they prefer to date men w/out kids, because they don't want to deal with BMD (Baby-Mama-Drama) and/or a dude who is broke from paying child support.
    Guys, if you have no kids and are in the dating market, your best choice is to stick to single women who have no kids. Build your own family "from scratch" and don't be some ratchet Baby-Mama's disposable vending machine. As I said, they don't have any sense of commitment, and I've met some who will tell you that they don't believe in marriage. This tells me that they planned to live their lives this way in the first place: having kids by different guys, and moving from dick to dick, looking for men to put them and their bastard kids first, while letting you know that their kids will always take priority to you. There have been times when I've heard Baby Daddies boast about sleeping with their Baby Mamas every now and then in between relationships, and there was one who even boasted about sleeping with his Baby Mama while she was married (note to women: Men open up to spill their "business" in the Barbershops). This is possible because these men are CONSTANTS in the lives of these women. Take notes, Brothers! Real talk.

    But if you still plan on dealing with them, good luck to you!

  80. @shawn

    thanks for the reply from may first thought of this girl when she said she "cant tell me where she works" was "oh shes a call girl", yet my mate (whom I met her thru) insisted "oh shes a full time mum" when I told him about why she wouldn't tell me her occupation. should have listened to my instincts, the other thing is im deeply suspicious of her past (im sure ive seen her before in a far less wholesome manner (suspecting her ex was one I detained for theft at my previous job)) and she was asking me questions like "do you smoke crack?" seriously Im now thinking this chick is a hard drug user. Seriously she aint worth it. again thanks for the advice man

  81. Glad my advice could help you. Her story wasn't sounding right. Most women can't SHUT UP about their jobs, when one doesn't want to talk about it she's definitely hiding something. You definitely dodged a bullet.

    Always trust your instincts. If they're telling you something is wrong, it probably is.

    You can definitely do better than her. Just maintain your standards and you'll find the woman who is right for you.

  82. Mr.James I think this blog should be renamed "WHY REAL MEN HAVE REAL STANDARDS".....when you have standards, there's people,places,and situations/circumstances that you don't even think twice about associating yourself with. When you have standards YOU DON'T BOTTOM-FEED(date a single mama).As a MAN you won't allow a couple minutes of pleasure evolve into a couple years of hell......FELLAS SET THE BAR HIGH!!!!

  83. How about this line "I just want a good man,I'm not looking for him to be a father....." lmao

  84. @ How about this line "I just want a good man,I'm not looking for him to be a father....." lmao

    - Yeah, I've heard this before. The same mouth that calls the kid's father a dead beat, would tell you that he doesn't need a father because he has one. Sometimes, I wonder if these ratchets keep account of what comes out of their mouths. Smh

  85. I've never understood how a women with children can say "I want a man that don't have kids" smh......damaged,and deluded what a combination in a woman

  86. All single moms are scheming sluts just like all black men are criminals. Never date a black man. They all cheat.

  87. Wow. Just wow.

    Whoever left the last three comments has the emotional maturity of a six-year-old. No critical thinking skills applied here at all. Not even an argument. Just pure emotion.

    "If single moms make it on their own they are called Mangina."- Good Gravy, that has to be the STUPIDEST comment left on this particular piece.

    In the future, try reading all the comments in full before posting, Okay?

  88. Children are "another man's mess?" You are another man's mess. I personally have a dad who is married to my mom. Too bad your dad didn't want you and your mom is a whore just like all the rest of the single mom's from the ghetto. You can take a boy out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of the boy.

    You have a dad in your life and you act like this? Good Gravy. If your family is INTACT, why the hell are you defending single mothers? And why are you attacking me with ad-hominem attacks? I want MORE FAMILIES LIKE YOURS?

    Again, stop being so emotional and read the piece objectively. By attacking me you just reinforce the emotional arguments of all these dysfunctional single mothers. I have to wonder if your dad was a Mangina by what you wrote.

  89. Children are "another man's mess?" You are another man's mess. I personally have a dad who is married to my mom. Too bad your dad didn't want you and your mom is a whore just like all the rest of the single mom's from the ghetto. You can take a boy out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of the boy.

    You have a dad in your life and you act like this? Good Gravy. If your family is INTACT, why the hell are you defending single mothers? And why are you attacking me with ad-hominem attacks? I want MORE FAMILIES LIKE YOURS?

    Again, stop being so emotional and read the piece objectively. By attacking me you just reinforce the emotional arguments of all these dysfunctional single mothers. I have to wonder if your dad was a Mangina by what you wrote.

  90. @ Go to a hard working "Black Man" in America,I think I'm already there,as well as all the other Black "citizens" in this country...Now,Mr.James,how does ones upbringing affect who and or what they settle for as far as choosing a mate? How does this vicious cycle of broken-no real man around nonsense end? It really infuriates me how we make up nearly half of the prison population,over half of the children born out of wedlock population,and less than a quarter of the attending college/college graduate population.I am a firm believer in the old saying "numbers don't lie,people do" and I witness it daily,being a lifelong los angeles resident. What's the solution? Having children out of wedlock conveys the wrong message to children,they start to assume it's ok or normal to have a couple baby mamas/daddys prior to marriage and thus the "plague" continues....Is there a solution Mr.James??? If there is,please enlighten a Brotha

  91. The solution is we brothas have to start raising our standards. As long as we get involved with hoes who use their looks and their mouthpeices, they are gonna create bastard babies just to get a payday. And then she moves on to the next Simp to get further ahead in the game after she gets broke off with Child Support Money, Welfare, Section 8 WIC and EBT. Baby Mama has become its own economic system, paying single mothers to create inmates for the corporate prison complex. To stop that system we Brothas again have to raise our standards and not get involved with baby mamas and Hoes.

    Guys have to start understanding the difference between Ladies and Hoes. I go in depth with this in my new eBook coming this fall, the Misadventures of Captain-Save-A-Hoe, the third part of the Simp Trilogy. The more guys educate themselves on game, they can avoid pitfalls with women who are baby mamas and hoodrats. Bell Biv Devoe said "Never trust a big butt and a smile," When you do all that's going to happen to you is you're gonna change from a Simp to a Trick.

    If men would start raising the bar and leaving the Hood rats and other screwed up females alone, it'd bring down their population. The more Brothers and sisters raise the bar, the better quality of life there will be for all of us. When we settle for ghetto nonsense our community becomes a ghetto.

  92. Thanks Mr.James,so in essence,its all about what you settle for....thanks for enlightening a brotha....a used volvo with 110k miles on it or a brand new 500benz fresh off the lot lol thank you sir and I would like to check your book series out....whats the link for that?

  93. Stop Simpin on Kindle:

    Manginas: They look Like Men But Act Like Ladies on Kindle:

  94. Shawn James...I just have to say not all single moms are as evil as you view them...educate your self in some lite reading...

  95. LilMisLady:

    Why would a guy want to take on a relationship with someone who just won't be there for him? Why would he want to waste his time in a relationship where he isn't a priority? The only guys who would take that deal are the dudes looking for a ride on the SIMP train and waiting to get their ticket punched by a baby daddy.

  96. Interesting. Me thinks Lilmislady is a Single Mom.

    Well, Lilmislady, why would a man not want to build his own family from scratch with a woman he is MARRIED and committed to, creating children with his OWN DNA.

    Why would a man want to be used as an ATM, and be treated like a disposable member of a "make-belief" family?

    Why would a man want to have it shoved in his face every single day that he is NOT a priority and will NEVER be a priority, while being told that he must make her (Single Mom) his priority?

    Why would a man want to deal with baby-daddy drama, while trying to be a good role model and father to the loser's bastard kids (since all of you Single Moms claim that your baby-daddies ain't $hit)?

    Why would a man want to deal with another man who will ALWAYS be in the picture, and interfere with the affairs of this so-called, make-belief family?

    Why would a man want to be the victim to some poor decision-making woman who spread her legs and pro-created with someone who wasn't man enough to commit to her and build a family with her in the first place? (Who is the bigger fool? The fool, or the fool that lays down to pro-create with the fool?)

    Why would a man not want a single woman with NO kids, who, by the way, chose NOT to be a single mother because she is aware of the consequences of raising children while bringing different men in and out of her children's lives?

    Why would a man want to be reminded everyday by these bastard kids, that he is NOT their father, so therefore has no right to discipline, guide, correct and be responsible for them?

    The LOSERS are the men whom you Single Mothers chose to pro-create with, and who you all couldn't get a commitment from. Not the men who choose to be married to the women who they want to pro-create with. Real men want their OWN children, not some other man's bastard kids. Real men don't want to be disposable members of "make-believe" families.

    It's just logical. There is always a SIMP for a Single Mom.

    A shout out to Single Women with no kids who want to build their own families from Scratch. A shout out to REAL women.

  97. Yes I am a divorce single mom.I love it, I feel I have the best of both worlds, being single and being a mom.

    As I said in my is a choice a MAN makes to date a woman with kids, but no need to bad month women with kids. A man can have his preference no problem but no need to think you are too good for a single mom.

    There is a difference in women, just like in men, who handle situations as an adult or handle it as a immature adult.

    Sometimes relationships/marriages do not work out...that doesnt make anyone damage goods nor does it make a man a bad father or woman a bad mother. Sh*t happens, you learn from it and move on.

    It seems the women you guys encounter are not highly educated or have high morals. But that could be any of the single women popluation with or without kids.

    Why would another man be a such threat to you? Aren't you secure enough in your self to know if a woman does you wrong its her loss?

    Also, Reality check....when you start a family with a REAL woman...your children will be priority over you! So you will not be number one. Just saying...

    Men like you guys will some day eat your own words...

    Good luck in finding that Real Woman (without kids) who will enjoy your narrow minded thoughts.

    1. I agree with lilMissLady. Men will be complaining about the same problems once they are married and have children of their own.. It's a fantasy to think you will not have similar issues when you establish a real and enduring relationship.

  98. LilMisWhiner:
    Blah, blah, blah, Shaming language, Blah, blah, blah, bullshit.

    what you call narrow minded I call STANDARDS. If more Single moms had them, they wouldn't be in the situation they're in right now.

    I've had STANDARDS since I was 9. At that age I said I'd never get involved with a Single mom after hearing about a guy killing a Baby Daddy over a single mom.

    And I said to myself at 16 No Hood Rats, or chicks involved with friendships or association with dope boys or gang members. Some may call this picky, but I call it SMART. If you want a quality woman in your life you don't deal with low-grade chicks who have nothing to lose and bring drama to your life.

    You strong and Independent types love to talk about how a Real Man will want to be with you.

    Here's the deal: A Real Man like myself does not want to be your garbage man. We don't want to be the Pullman Porter carrying your emotional baggage from one station in life to the next on the SIMP train. Go put on some coveralls Take those run over Jimmy Choos and deal with your own baggage.

    I Love how you try to deflect from the issue of single motherhood. If I started my own family with a WIFE then yeah, the kids would be MY PRIORITY. Because those children would be MY RESPONSIBILITY.

    But another man's kids...HELL NO. I don't advise any man to go out here and take care of another man's children. Life is too short to spend it dealing with the mistakes someone else made. Guys, live life to the fullest. Find a woman who is single and childless!

  99. LilMisLady,

    While I commend you for making an effort to build a family the right way (via marriage), may I inform you that those Single Mothers that I have absolutely no respect for are the ones who were careless enough to bring kids into this world with a man who did not commit to them. ESPECIALLY the ones who have made this mistake with more than one man! You talk about learning from mistakes, right? These women obviously (the ones with more than one baby-daddy) don't. You talk about learning from mistakes and moving on, right? Well, this whole blog is full of men who have attempted to deal with Single Moms, and learned the hard way. So, in essence, these men are taking YOUR advice.

    You say "no need to think you are too good for a single mom." - This is a false appraisal of the collection of thoughts/experiences/opinions on this blog. The presence of preferences doesn't equate to a superior complex towards one's "exception" list. I'm sure you have your preferences, like anyone else. Should men who don't fall within your pick think that you feel you are too good for them?

    You say "it seems the women you guys encounter are not highly educated or have high morals" - First off, there are so many educated women who have multiple kids by multiple men. Education doesn't equate to wisdom. You aren't in the best position to speak about what's out there in the female side of the dating pool, as you don't date women: we do! In other words, we are in a better position to tell you what's out there, and what we have to "encounter" and deal with.

    You say "Why would another man be such a threat to you?" - Yet another shaming tactic into making men who have preferences feel they are cowardly for not wanting to deal with Single Moms. I bet my bottom dollar that you would love for your ex-husband's girlfriend to have a say-so in the upbringing of your kids too, right? A REAL man wants to be the ONLY man responsible for his seed. No insecurities there!

    You say, "Men like you guys will some day eat your own words..." - I will dismiss this statement as I sense that this is coming from a place of bitterness. So, because a man wants to avoid being a baby-daddy, and prefers to be a husband AND a father to his own kids, he should be chastised rather than commended? I guess you can't win as a man in America.

    LilMislady, instead of wishing us bad, you should be encouraging us men who embrace responsibility. Instead of wishing evil upon us, you should be out there mentoring younger women not to end up being like YOU: it's not like you PLANNED to be a Single Mom now did you? You said it yourself, $hit happens.

    Question: Why are you on this blog anyways? You came here to find us, not vice versa, so what is your deal and what do you hope to accomplish? Your presence here, shaming tactics, etc. will not change the minds of people on here who have learned from the mistakes of dating Single Moms, and the whole purpose of this blog is to share experiences, thoughts, ideas and to enlighten other men about the consequences of dealing with Single Moms. It also encourages other women out there not to make this same mistake, by showing them the difficulties of dealing with Single Moms, from a male's perspective.

    If you had a blog that encouraged women not to deal with men w/out kids, it wouldn't bother most of the guys on here. Why? Because it's a free Country, and that's your preference. I guarantee you no one from here would come to your blog to advocate for men with no kids. Just saying.

  100. LilMisLady says this in her blog:

    A guy can get burnt by any woman, not only by single moms. Crazy ex's aren't always baby daddy's or ex husbands. Those kinds of messy situations are the ones that should be avoided at all costs. If you have no kids and prefer women with no kids, that is understandable but don't talk down about single mom, not all are as bad as you think. Sometimes the extra baggage is absoultely God sent. Ya know, my ex-husband (after we married), said that he would have never married me if I had kids. One divorce and years later, he is now marrying a woman with five kids and he is happy. Be careful of what you speak, God is listening! True story = )
    Here is my response since I couldn't respond in her blog:

    No offense LilMisLady, but your ex-husband is a big fool for going from a marriage to a woman whom he had kids with, to a make-belief family with a woman and her excess luggage. Sure, he is happy alright: Happy being a SIMP. I'm not saying things will not work out in that "set-up", but if it does, it would be one of those rare cases. There are always exceptions (some people were born with six freakin toes!). The majority of GOOD hearted men I know, who have tried to be open-minded and attempted to make things work with single moms have been treated VERY badly, and burned. Nine out of 10 cases! The common complaint is that these women have no sense of commitment, have a sense of entitlement, and take whatever frustrations/bitterness they have towards their baby-daddies on these guys who attempt to show them that not all men are like their baby-daddies. Personally, I wouldn't advise any GOOD hearted man with no kids, wanting to settle down and commit, to consider being with a Single Mom. I'm not saying that all Single Moms are bitter/untrustworthy/unappreciative, but I say that it is a very frustrating task that will bring such men nothing but wasted energy, time and efforts.

  101. Mr.James,question: Why are our "sistahs" so damn delusional when this topic is addressed? It's always the guys fault etc.etc. You never hear I'm a bad judge of character or admission of the role they played in the situation. I really don't get it.I mean what does a single mother bring to the table??? It's as if LOGIC doesn't tie into a black womans psychology until around age 35 or the 2nd or 3rd baby-daddy,whichever arrives first. It's a shame. Not only that but,what kind of message does this convey to children???...LilMisLady is a perfect example.. ..Mr.James will our Sistahs ever figure it out??? Holla at a Brotha

  102. Bruh, Most women are emotional thinkers.And because they are emotional thinkers they don't think about the consequences of their actions or the long-term ramifications of them. That kind of critical thinking requires someone to apply LOGIC. And most females would rather do what feels right than what actually IS Right.

    Logic doesn't kick in until they turn 35 or the 2nd or 3rd Baby daddy because they're so busy trying to fit that square peg into the round hole that they don't think that "Hey, this isn't goiing to work." Unfortunately, by that time it's too late.

  103. It is interesting how these Baby-Mamas like to act like they PLANNED to be Single Mothers. How they play it off like they are happy being Single Mothers, while dick-searching all over the place for SIMPs/Captain Save-a-Hoes to come "wife" them up and clear up all their luggage. Many of them are very jealous of married women who are Mothers and Wives to their husbands (Women who were wise enough to make smart decisions and select men who were men enough to COMMIT to them before allowing them to release sperm inside of them) that they pro-created with. They will tell you crap like "oh, 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce, anyways", as if they planned to live a life where they have kid after kid, from dick after dick, while looking for someone to now come and be a FATHER to their bastard kids.

    Who breeds thugs? Single Mothers. Who breeds ratchet whores? Single Mothers.
    Who breeds criminals? Single Mothers.
    Who breeds the epidemic of emotional drama kings that are out there today? Single Mothers.
    Who breeds whores? Single Mothers. Who breeds dysfunctional, unproductive, no-good baby daddies? THUG-BREEDING, BASTARD-KID-HAVING Single Mothers!!

    Yes, the majority of these sub-standard human beings mentioned above are the product of Single Mothers who don't believe in bringing kids into this world via two-parent households.

  104. You stereotype me, I will do the same for you.

    1) black
    2) grew up poor and haven't travelled except to see your relatives in other poor areas of the US, and the occasional Caribbean resort. Never been to another continent.
    3) your mom was busy working, so she didn't realize you turned into a monster until it was too late
    4) you have never helped your mother or thanked her for raising you. You expected her to cook and clean and take care of all the housework
    5) learned some big words somewhere but you don't actually know what they mean
    6) never uses condoms, because it's the woman's job to protect herself
    7) has had a few STDs. probably an HIV carrier and don't know it
    8) has date raped or violently raped at least one woman
    9) has hit a woman
    10) doesn't take a woman out after the first month. Too cheap/broke
    11) has never been a member of any winning team because you are not disciplined and cannot follow rules or do the work.
    12) your fancy car is leased with no money down and high interest, and about to be repossessed. You also don't pay your insurance or tickets and are a step away from an arrest for suspended license. Your car has been booted before. Your credit is poor.
    13) you have been written up at work or your attitude and performance and blamed it on racial discrimination.
    14) you will never get married or know the meaning of life by being a real father.
    15) if you impregnate a woman, you will be gone so fast they won't know what hit them
    16) you won't pay child support unless the court has you arrested, which will happen repeatedly
    17) you will end up alone in a nursing home that you can only afford via Medicaid/medicare, where you will get the isolation and mistreatment you deserve.

    There are lots of men out there. You are not a choice member of your gender, which is why you have to use force and deceit to get what you want. If you get psychotherapy and take some meds, you may level out and make better choices. But you will never be successful.

    Anyway, life has a way of working these things out. Karma is a cold one. And if not on this Earth, when you are judged by your maker.

    Consider what you are contributing to the world. You reap what you sow. You only get one chance at life. You're doing it wrong. I hope you see the light before you die.

  105. Wow, I dont know how i stumbled upon this blog but I am so happy I did. I am a black woman, single with no kids by CHOICE(no pregnacies, no abortions) because i see the value of picking a good man and securing him as my husband BEFORE babies are made. I feel like an anomaly but oh well.

    I am happy to see there are men out here who will appreciate me and have values. I will not date a man with children for the very same reasons you guys wont date a single mother.. it is way too complicated to say the least!

    There are always exceptions to the rule, I dont believe all single mothers are bad at all but obviously they are not in an ideal situation so they are looking to correct it and women are the most manipulative minds, a woman can out smart you and wont see it coming ..

    I feel hurt that men, especially black men choose them over women with kids but it is just because of the seductiveness of children combined with the womanly wiles that women with children KNOW how to lay on thick.. then once they have you that is all over.. i have watched with my own eyes

  106. (continued)it does take two to make a baby but every woman knows that men/husbands can walk away so why would you risk pregnancy knowing you will be doomed to more than likely be alone and give a man your womb he must marry you legally at least and that is after you qualify him TRULY with eyes open and not closed... the woman is the one that has to carry the BURDEN you have more to lose stop blaming men for not using the like 30 forms of birth control and also there is plan b at all drug stores and planned parenthood locations, and abortion is not the only option last time i checked ADOPTION allows an innocent child to LIVE with a mother and father who WANTS them... Women must but more responsible, we hold the cards TRULY! Please make better choices pick good men, you know the "geeky" ones, the lame ones, the ones that dont have there pants down, speak proper english, not trying to come to your house for first date, not trying to be a rapper/make beats as starters .. you may have to be without a man and children but trust me your prince will come if you heart is ready and open for love its worth the wait.. at least you wont have baggage that makes you less desirable to good men that will wife you properly then you wont have to be men's charity case

  107. We need more sistas like you. I'm sure you'll find a decent brotha to marry you. You sound like a wife, and that's what most brothas like myself are looking for to start our families with.

    If more women thought like this in the Black community, we'd actually have a village raising children than a crumbling ghetto. Your post made my day.

  108. I won't waste my time trying to change your mind Mr. James. But I will say this: I have never read such a hate-filled, stereotypical, mean-spirited rant against any segment of the population in my life. One would think that according to you all single moms should kill themselves and do everyone a favor. These are people, not monsters. You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you have friends with single moms? Do they agree with your assessment that single moms are worthless scum? Look at Obama, Shaq, and countless other black men whose moms married respectable men after having them and how honorably they regard their moms. And what role did the absence of a good man ( or the presence or the presence of a man like you) play in the lives of the women you describe? I am from the South and here good men marry single moms and happily raise families with them. I know many single moms and they are sweet honest hardworking God abiding women who would love to be with a similar type of man. Im one of them. For the record, I know a lot of single women with no kids who fit in the categories you named. Substitute words like money, fame, attention and greed for the word kids in your diatribe and that's their motivation. The high divorce rate these days, all those failed marriages are with men who married single moms? It's obvious you and other men who agree with you have been hurt, but in all those your description of single moms I don't see where you ever described what makes you a real man. Real men don't tear down others but uplift them. Real men don't broadcast their misogyny but realize it's a deficit. Real men don't generalize all single moms but look at them individually. Real men take quality single moms and raise their sons to be star athletes, renowned scholars, successful businessmen and PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES. Even though i am one of the single moms, Im still too good for men like you. It's about a person's character, not their kids.

  109. Oh and a couple of more things: Many single women with no kids have had an abortion or two by their mid 20s to keep from being stereotyped by men like you. They will never tell you this. So killing a child and hiding it to maintain an image is fine, but being brave enough to have a child knowing the dad will walk away is a reason to hate her? And whoever said adoption is a cruel soul. Better that the child have NO PARENTS than the mom suffer the humiliation of raising it alone? How selfish can you be? And since single women with no kids are so desirable and of higher quality, have you made someone Mrs. James yet? Or are you still running around sticking it to women with no kids hoping you don't make them a single mom? Then you'd have to include her in your blog.

  110. The only way for unmarried women to ensure she doesn't become a single mom is to stop having sex. Would that suit you Mr. James? For every unmarried woman to close up shop and go back to abstinence before marriage, forcing men to marry or deal with prolonged sexual frustration? Birth control and abortion are not foolproof, nor do they make the unmarried woman more virtuous. Virtuous women simply do NOT HAVE PREMARITAL SEX. AT. ALL. And the Bronx is ruthless and cutthroat. I have friends and relatives from there. I understand why you think the way you do. But come to the South where men marry single moms and you'll see that you have indeed been generalizing. And talk to single childless women who wonder why their lack of kids hasn't won them a husband and they are over 40. There are a lot of reasons women all over are single--and married---kids out of wedlock or not. You need to leave the Bronx and get more exposure. And realize relationship problems are not just relegated to single moms.

  111. I am a single mom of 3...21,18, and 10. Same father for all. Married for 15 years, separated for 9 1/2. For 9 years I worked and provided for my children. I was not "looking" for any one to take care of us....the boys are my responsibility. Almost 2 years ago I met a man, and started dating him. First man I've dated or brought into the house since the separation. As the boys were shared custody (although the eldest is now on his own) we started seeing each other on the alternate weeks when I didn't have the boys. Slowly introduced him to the boys, and he started spending more time here when the boys were also here. Six months ago he moved in. The nine year old absolutely loved him. He didn't contribute to the household bills at all, although he did buy his own groceries. If we went out as a "family", I normally paid. He talked about a future, he talked about how happy he was with us. One month ago, the boys father died unexpectedly. Ten days later he left....said he didn't want to take a back seat to a 9 year old for the rest of his life. He earns more than twice than I do, but would rather live with and support his "friend" (a woman) who is fresh out of jail (again), an alcoholic and former drug user, who steals from him and verbally abuses him. She has bankrupted him emotionally and (almost) financially. And, as a single mother, you're saying that I'm trying to trap him? I never wanted him to be the kids'dad....they have (or had) a father. A positive male role model, maybe. A friend to them, sure. I can finance myself...have been doing so since the separation. And if having to make my children a priority over him, especially at this time in their lives, makes me a bad choice, then so be it. He's shown his true colours. I have enough love to give to everybody, but the boys will always be my boys. Guess I should have known when I found out that he walked out of his own son's life 20 years ago. Everyone has some sort of "baggage" if you will.

  112. Sad. I am a single mother NOT by choice to an 8 and 10 year old. When I read this blog it horrifies me. Does my X realize what he did when he chucked me over for the young thing (who has since dumped him) after 10 years of marriage. I loved him, even if he wasn't the nicest guy in the world at times. I was surprised he divorced me and wrecked our home. Maybe I was too boring?

    That said-- I have an education, earning well into the 6 figures and am doing fine financially and professionally. I have a nice home and my kids are well behaved. I have it together and there is no drama. It's been a over a year since the divorce and I would love to date, but I read this blog and am horrified. Is this what men think? I don't need a knight in shining armor, but a fun person to hang out with would be nice. Imagine to fall in real love too?

    I found this article after googling pathetic single mother, because that is what I feel like sometimes, in spite of all of my professional and life achievements. I'm alone with my kids and it's not what I planned. I think I have a lot to offer, but it's horrible to think I am viewed as someone's leftovers.

    I think your blog is mean.

  113. Good Gravy.

    blah, blah, blah, shamning language, blah, blah, blah, I'm a victim, blah, blah, blah Shawn's so mean.

    I'm just gonna do a part 2 to this blog next week or sometime in the future where I respond to all the comments from the single mommies who think I'm so mean for telling the truth about how men feel about them.

    Especially that WEAK argument about Shaq and Barack Obama. Two of the WORST examples of female headed households. One a board Certified Simp and the other a Mangina so afraid of conflict he has done JACK SHIT for the Country he was elected to lead over the last five years.

    Again, guys don't care about your money, your education or your job. What most brothers want is a woman who will support them and improve their livss, not someone who will bring a bunch of emotional suitcases for him to carry. Ain't no dude wanna be a Pullman porter for a Single mom when single women are available.

  114. Hello Im A 26 year old man, and first of all i can see why this is a sensitive subject for "single moms" because eventhough they have messed up in the past, some of them have good hearts just poor parenting as a child themselves.
    I am currently dating a single mom who is 35yrs old, i always told myself i would never date a woman with children because i cant stand raising some1 elses kids, but this woman and I got along very well, we spent alot of time together and As the relationship went small situationskept happening that I as a man with EGO cannot accept. Im not gonna go into details but long story short, i realised how much in denial single mothers really are.
    First of all, single mothers need to understand that when a man decides to deal with her for the long-term, he is making a ''HUGE'' compromise. Every man wants to have a girl-friend see her grow into an adult and raise his children. Single mother cannot offer this to a man because they have already offered this to some douche-bag who didn't even deserve to get such priceless gift of life ( PS: I love kids though ) And on top of that this douche-bag is still part of this womans life after so many years that us as man are made to feel second. Any REAL MAN won't settle for second. i want to be first. Single mother ignore this part right here, which is too bad because this is a man's Biological needs. And nobody is perfect so alot of man out there don't even know their biological needs they just settle down with anyone and dont realise this weight of emotionnal baggae drowing their sorrows and mental peace.
    Not only they dont acknowledge this need from REAL MAN, but on top of that after a few months they start taking you for granted as if I was happy and all my needs were met.
    No dissrespect to single mothers, but this is a true fact, and no single mother out there ''specially single ones'' can tell us what a REAL MAN is because they are not one, and dont have one.
    After a relationship like this, unconsciously, my heart and confidence started to plummet. My moral was down and my motivation for things such as working out, making music were dimishing little by little.
    My mother, who doesnt know about this girlfriend of mine, came to visit me at my apartment for a couple days. I felt revived, i felt my motivation and ambition slowly building back up. And then i realised the ''real lies'' I was living, this girl who decided to have a child with some dude, I barely even knew her and who she was before she got pregnent. Not only that but the father of the 15 year old kid is in jail, what kind of people did she date? i Don't want a woman who chagned because of another man, i want a woman who i can change and watch grow old i dont want to come off soft but this is a sensitive subject specially for single here are words from a ''Real Man'....holla

  115. Dude...Get away from this female! You have your whole life ahead of you!
    Leave this washed up 35 year old single mother alone!

    At 26 I was single and proud. You have a dozen options open for you, don't sell yourself short by getting sized up for the white servant jacket and bow tie or the green coveralls. You deserve better than a single mom at your age.

    There's plenty of quality ladies your age out there, get with one of them.

  116. I don't know whether to laugh, or to just shake my head. Obviously you find every loop hole you can to try to "prove your point". I'm just gonna say that you don't know every "single mother" in this world, so you can't judge them all based on one experience. And well duh, she's obviously gonna care more about her kids than you. She's had them longer. But you're just gonna up with some lame ass excuse to prove me wrong, but hey I give no fucks at all about you. I'm a teenage girl, if I become a single mother fine. If I have kids & i'm married cool. But everyone has baggage, not just mothers. And at some point, alot of women/girls will have kids and be married, widowed, or single. So, if you see this, you may reply & no matter how clever or witty you think it is, I don't care.

  117. I could just delete your comment Pinky. But it's clear how immature you are So I'll just let it stay up here so others can learn from your response.

    People who have baggage go to a licensed counselor or Mental health professional to deal with it. The single mother on the other hand tries to wear her dysfunction like a badge of honor. At one time it was a shame to be a single mom, now these women walk around like it's something to be proud of. They feel someone should come in and clean up their mess. And I'm here to tell these women IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

    The sad part is you're a teenage girl and you think it's fine to be a teenage mom. I'm here to tell you that is unacceptable. That way of thinking right there is gonna mess up your life in the long run. Keep your legs closed and your mind open.

    You need to focus on your education and making something of yourself. You don't have to go down the road to single motherhood. Not everyone has baggage, some of us toss those emotional suitcases or leave them in a pile as we move down the road of life.

    1. I don't think it's fine to be a teen mom, first of all. So don't act like you know my mind because you don't. I'm gonna do a little role reversal here, what if the case is that the single parent is male? What would you say then? It's not common, but there are some single dads. And yes, I may be a bit too young to grasp the concept of all this, but still as i've said YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD. There are some decent single mothers out there, but you're trapped in a fence with your opinion & that's fine. You can delete my comment it's your post, but my opinion still stands.

  118. So emotional and so immature.
    You need to listen when grown folks is talking to you.

    We're not talking about single fathers. This blog is talking about single mothers and why men avoid them. Now that may hurt for you to hear, but it's a fact of life. No man wants to spend his time cleaning up the mess of another man and play second fiddle to him and those kids in a relationship. Yes, I am entitled to my opinion. And if you don't like it you can leave this page. There are over three trillion pages on the web, you can go look at one of those.

    Here's some advice: go talk to some men in your neighborhood like older brothers, cousins, teachers, or even your father. Ask them if they'd date a single mother. I guarantee you they'll say the same things I'm saying to yo.

    Don't need to know everyone in the world to understand life experience. I've seen too many men burnt by pursuing relationships with Single mothers to understand that they're not a viable dating option.

    But some people have to learn the hard way.


  119. brother Shawn, I need your valuable advice and help. Yes, I met a girl who is single mother, and we have been dating for almost 2 months. We've been feeling like perfect each other at this time except undeniable, unchangeable big reason that she has a kid. In fact, she is one of the pretty girls i've ever seen in my past life, she told me that she loves me and wants to spend rest of her life with me. She wants to have my own children in the future, and Im in falling love with her every time I date with her. By the way, her kid lives with his daddy, she doesn't like her kid's daddy, so her kid lives with her kid's daddy. The kid is 4 year old as she told me.
    What should I do brother ? Do I need to get out this out or Do I deserve better ? Im 25 years old now

  120. Brother, Don't do it! The first two months are magic, and she'll cooperate all the time. But four months later when she gets comfortable...the MONSTER comes out. That's when she projects all the rage at the other man onto you and involve you in all her drama.

    She's desperate and is looking for a SIMP to lock into babysitter status. Two months in and she says she wants to spend the rest of her life with you and have kids with you:? This is a pussy trap.

    Bruh, you definitely deserve better. At 25 you can find a single childless woman to get with to build your own family.

  121. Thank you brother for you response. I actually asked her to build family and, then she agreed with me. She says " dont think even about her baby's daddy, he is just a trash, doesn't want him anymore, Im only for you and i will always with you". But I say you guys have a baby, then she told me that please be patient and understand my situation. its just headache, her baby's daddy text her and call her about baby's problem l, this makes me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, She seems to take her kid and bring the kid to her home from her ex.

  122. Shawn James, wonderful post and I back up what you said 100%. I've dated a couple single moms myself, given the area I live in where it seems as if they're in the majority. While I haven't had a gun pulled on me, they have started drama by wanting me to pay for their electric bills or not wanting to move in within a couple months of dating. Each time it was out of the blue and for the most ludicrous reasons within a two or four month time frame.

    Now that I've pronounced "No more single moms!" half of the female population in my life has turned hostile, family members included. This is in light of the fact I've always been responsible with my side of birth control yet because they didn't take the proper precautions I'm the bad guy.
    Keep up the good work man, and always speak the truth even if others would rather be delusional.

    1. Moving in after 2 months of dating is wayyyy too fast ... For anyone for that matter, it's a fast ride to crash and burn...

  123. Hey, hey, I thought I knew ignorant....but now I have a clue...why do I think the author must be one of those guys who sleeps around and when a baby seems to be in the picture, he freaks out and either forces the woman to abort or just runs to a far away any case a single mother proves her worth when she chooses to raise her kid(s) alone instead of clinging to some guy who could not stay for his own are a loser and I wonder how many women are single mothers because of the way thank you for sharing your ignorance with the world...

  124. No, Jjajamugezi ignorant is you.

    I don't have a girlfriend or a woman in my life. The way I figure it you don't get a woman unless you have a job and are financially stable. No woman, No chance of making bastard kids.

    Reasoned at 13 that if you don't have sex, you don't have kids. That's called CRITICAL THINKING. Something most of you can't do.

    Single mothers wouldn't have to prove their worth if they decided to oh, KEEP THEIR LEGS CLOSED to DIRTY DICK DUDES.

    Call me stupid, it doesn't refute the facts in the piece. The fact that you had to go into an ad-hominem attack shows that the blog said something true about YOU.

  125. Thanks for this motivational article. After reading this, I will not go out with this single mom of two which the babies dad does not pay child support.

  126. ALL single mothers?? Really! That's very close minded of you! Its such a shame people with a closed mind, don't have closed mouths!
    You are not experts, your categorizing people, and no 2 souls are the same!
    If what you lot have said, then does it make it true when women say ALL men are the same when referring to a low life ex! And what happens when you have children with the love of your life and it doesn't work out, then you become that ex your referring to, and with your views I doubt half of you men here are cut out to be decent fathers, you don't even have respect, therefore you aren't decent men.


  127. You men are losers, your not decent lol your little boys, you need to date women who don't have kids because most single mothers would be far to strong and independent for you to impress, dating any of you would be like having another child around lol a 4 year old has more intelligence than you lot lol

  128. Good Gravy. The burns!

    I can just hear the hood rat in her tone and words she uses. You can practically feel the neck rolling and eye snapping.

    Here we go again with the strong & Independent argument. So strong and independent don't need no man. I have to wonder if she has a dick too. Maybe that's why she doesn't understand how she fucked herself over by having kids out of wedlock with a dirty dick dude.

    Real Men are already too smart for you, they're smart enough not to know not to get involved in a situation that's nothing but TROUBLE for them.

  129. Looks mean nothing. A SIMP may fall for that game but a Real Man knows it's LAME. Halle Berry and Heidi Klum may have found a SIMP to trick on them, but the rest of us know to AVOID women with kids because they just aren't worth the grief.

  130. Wow this is the biggest load of bs I have ever read! I am a struggling single parent trying to date. My child's father left the picture years ago. Everyone has baggage. The last 2 men I dated, their father just passed away but you do not see me judging them. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a close loved one like that.

  131. Blah, blah, blah, I'm a victim. Again, not everyone carries baggage. And those who do try to deal with it by going to counseling so they can learn to take responsibility for their actions.

    What does the man you dated's father dying have to do with anything? Is that a deflection to try to make me feel sorry for you.

  132. Wow. Just wow. The last two comments pretty much prove my point. When someone devolves to name calling and ad-hominem personal attacks like attacking someone's sexuality they've lost the debate. the ALL CAPS shows how much control they've lost over their emotions. Again, the more they try to attack my arguments and my points the more they prove me right.

  133. I have dated single mothers, the last one lasted two years. The issues that arises are always the same and they are just too many to list. All I can say is, stay away from them like the plague. It's just not worth the hassle, unfortunately people divorce as easily as changing underwear these days, our society is hard enough to deal with as it is, let alone dating a single mother is a recipe for disaster, take it or leave it, just my opinion!

  134. to Anonymous - October 3, 2013 at 11:32:00 PM PDT - You sound like a typical single mum - Emotionally unstable, insecure and venting your anger in an unconstructive bitchy way. Good Luck Lady...cos ya gunna need it when the next bloke comes along, with that attitude, I can see that ya gunna be single forever.

  135. I'm really getting tired of the emotional comments left by single mothers and possibly their children. Lately, I've been deleting comments that have been off topic and filled with personal attacks.

    If people keep this up I'll be closing this topic. You are allowed to comment, but do not get personal.

  136. Why Real Men avoid Single Mothers Part 2 was deleted because the comments section was going off topic. I had people talking about their gay marriages, one dude talking about and others just going insane because they were so butthurt about what they read And one woman just going so nuts she just kept arguing on and on making ridiculous claims that the taxes we pay in the public school system are the same as taking care of another man's kids. I had no choice but to delete the blog to get rid of the trolls.

    I merely keep this one up for the men to get their stories out.

    Now we have a nutjob talking about Jesus being the product of a single mother.

    Er....Jesus was with God from DAY ONE. The Holy Spirit merely used the Virgin Mary as a vessel to bring Jesus into the world as a flesh and blood man. This was Divine conception. Jesus was not a bastard child born out of wedlock. To use God as a way to justify your first sin Fornication, and condone your out of wedlock bastard baby is just...All I have to say is God is not pleased with your blasphemy.

    Seriously, if you single moms hate this topic so much why do you keep coming back here? You can't convince me that your position is correct. If anything, you're just wasting time. There are three trillion pages on this World Wide Web. If you don't like the content here, you can go someplace else. Life is too short to spend arguing with a dude on the other side of the world you don't even know

  137. Mary was the mother of Jesus, Joseph was NOT the father of Jesus, which part of that do you disagree with?

  138. Why do you continue to argue a point that makes no sense?

    I keep deleting your question because it is blasphemous. Jesus has nothing to do with single mothers. Jesus was not an illegitimate birth like that of a single mother. His birth was mentioned in every book of the Old Testament. He has direct lineage from David.

  139. Sorry, is it blasphemy to call Mary the mother of Jesus, or is it blasphemy to say that Joseph wasn't the father of Jesus. In Mathew chapter 1 God very clearly sends an angel to tell Joseph to marry Mary even though she is pregnantso despite your claim that your blog is fact the bible legitimizes a man taking on a single mother.

  140. I have prepared a response to this deflection. it'll be up in a future blog.

    It's blasphemous to use the Bible to justify single motherhood. Again,Jesus was a Divine birth. Mary's body was a vessel for his birth. The reason why the angel tells Joseph to marry Mary is because she's still a virgin. Again, she committed no sin.

    Single moms especially Baby Mamas commit a clear and delibarate sin, fornication, sex outside of marriage. And to compare the two is like apples and oranges.

    It's obvious all you want to do is argue to justify single motherhood. But comparing Jesus' bith to today's single moms who commit a WILLFUL and INTENTIONAL SIN is blasphemy.

  141. Really?? Where in the bible does it say that fornication outside of marriage is a sin? The consummation of sex is considered marriage by the bible, therefore the sin is commited by the man leaving her Exodus 22:16 yetyou continue to demonize women?

  142. Are you nuts?

    Fornication is sex outside of a marriage. It's clearly stated in the Bible that any two people who have sex that are not married are fornicating.

    You make absolutely any sense. If the consumation of sex between any man and any woman is considered marriage,then everyone is married to everyone they have sex with.

    Fornication is clearly a sin defined in the old testament, and the New Testament by Jesus. You cannot justify sex outside of marriage. Your attempt to validate single motherhood and bastard babies is an argument that holds no water.

  143. It's not enough to simply say "the bible clearly states..." WHERE does it state it? And Yes Exodus states that sex is always marriage, the man may only leave if he pays a bride tax, otherwise HE broke the contract Not the woman, the bible offers no support for your statement.
    And no I'm not nuts


  145. As an apparently successful black writer, would you not, quite rightly consider me small minded, ill educated and bigoted, if I wrote that I thought that all black men were drug dealers or pimps, no matter how respectable they professed to be? Yet you expect to make generalised statements about single mothers without being seen as small minded, ill educated and bigoted? it doesn't work that way, you do yourself a disservice.

  146. Ah Mr James, while I admire your ability to Google, Wikipedia is not the bible.


  147. Er...I think not.
    I make no generalizations, I have seen all that I have written about.

    If you were to scroll down and read the comments of men you would see that my piece is rooted in fact.

    You do yourself a disservice by not taking an objective look at the facts presented in my blog. Nothing is small minded or bigoted about my comments regarding single mothers. I have seen all the concepts I present in my argument first hand here in the south Bronx. I have heard from other men all over the country and the world who reported a similar experience. In this piece I merely point out the reasons why men should avoid single mothers and why it's not viable to pursue a relationship with them.

  148. So it's not a generalization? You've met all single mothers around the world? Wow you've been busy! And as for the comments of other men, confirmation bias does not make fact, even if you'd like it to. And any man who tries to provide balance is dismissed as a Simp or mangina

  149. I guess you're in the Mangina category. The shaming tactics and paradox trap you're trying to apply fit right into their modus operandi.

    I never said ALL single mothers. Did you not read the title? I said this is why Real men avoid single mothers. There was no ALL in the title. The blog I wroteis about the experience I've had living around these women and these are my observations to why Real Men avoid them. I also can back my information up with News stories, articles from objective sources YouTube Clips from other men, and even talk shows like Maury Povich, Jeremy Kyle, Dr. Phil and The Oprah Winfrey show. THis topic has been discussed on numerous forums for years and men have consistently stated these reasons for avoiding single mothers.

    What balance is there? Most single guys have nothing to do with single mothers. Why? Because they realize these women come with lots of baggage and That these women will always play the victim. That gets GRATING over a period of time. A man wants an equal caring partner not a woman stuck in arrested development making herself out to be a poor-put upon victim of society who thinks all the bad things are happening to ONLY her.

    If a man has a choice between starting a family with a woman with no children and one without, He'll choose the one without. He can lead his household and have a say over things like how family values will be taught, how money will be spent and the rules for managing his household.

    Single mothers are already sufficiently obligated to the needs of their child and their man, the child's father. That is the man they chose to bear children with and whether they like it or not he is the person they need to deal with, not other men.

    Real men understand that in any relationship with a single mother they will be LAST, and will have no say over major decisions in the households where they are contributing financially.

    But if you want to take a ride on the SIMP train and get your ticket punched by a Baby Daddy, be my guest.

  150. So you start off with a reasonable explanation that you don't include ALL single mothers, acknowledging that there are some single women who are worth considering, then you revert straight back to those silly generalizations again with "these women ALWAYS play the victim" now which one is it Mr James? or can we agree that in some small corners of the world, there are single mothers who are adult enough to take responsibility for their poor choices, without being a victim, financially and vocationally stable enough to be a partner not a burden.

  151. Very informative and useful. Shawn nails it right on the head. Don't ever get involved with the single mother. Let them wallow in the misery. Most single mothers want to be single moms. 99% of the single moms out there have willingly forced their children's real daddy out of the family. These psychotic moms use the court system to get their selfish way. The real daddy's leave their families most of the time, due to the fact that these " single whores" initiate the troubles that they are going through, because most of them can't even find their ass with both hands. They abuse their children by wiping out the real father figure. They play the victim card in front of all their friends and family, and will sell their soul to use you for money. Smarten up. They have the nerve to treat you last? No.. They're the ones who are to come last. It is true, most single mothers do nothing but lie, feel entitled to live on someone else's dime, and want everybody to feel sorry for her. Thankfully, most men are smart enough to avoid this trap. Finding a woman with out children, with a full time job, etc. is definitely where it's at. Remember, if you get married, make sure you keep your credit card and your checking account separate.. And make sure there's a prenup.. Remember, all the great accomplishments and inventions were made possible by men. The only time a woman has something to show for herself, is when a man gives it to her. A single mom relationship is toxic. Don't believe a word she says... She's the one who's temporary.

  152. Listen up people, this dude speaks the truth. Especially the dr.jerkly and mr. hyde thing.

  153. I am completely appalled by this article. I just so happen to run across this article as I was doing research for one of my GRADUATE courses. Notice I put the emphasis on GRADUATE...As in Masters degree...I am a 28 year old single mother of two and have been since I was 19. The father of my children have been in and out of incarceration most of my children's life so I have had the brunt of the parental responsibility. Has life been easy for me? No! But I am totally opposite of what this article depicts. I have never been on welfare, never had food stamps, never lived in housing. Why? Because I wanted better for myself and my children so I have been busting my tail off working full time and going to school full time since I gave birth to my first child. I have since then earned my bachelor's degree and will earn my Master's next month. I even bought my first house a year ago. I said all that to say that not all single mothers fit your description. There are many women out there like me who made a bad decision or decisions and had children by a man (or men) that are too lazy to take care of their responsibilities. Does that make us angry? Yes! But we do what we have to do to take care of our children. I have dated men and have yet to meet a man that meets MY STANDARDS because I have worked too hard to let just any man come in and cause division and instability in my stable household. Please do not degrade all single women just because YOU made a bad selection. A woman can have emotional issues and baggage whether they have kids or not. There are too many MEN that are molesting children so it is natural for a single mother to be very protective of their children until she is 100% sure that he will not cause any harm to her family. Please get your facts straight before you bash a certain population.

  154. Τhis article is a shame!! All views are racitt and show an aneducated, celf centered and unhuman personality! The fact that you meet with manipulating women doesnt have to do with their having kid or kids from a previous marriage...The end of a marriage is a situation that can happen to anyone and doesn't prove anything about a person's chararcter or intentions...You used words like ''scavenge'', rubbish and things like that! IF that's the way men think in America, as you say, then it's no wonder why the whole world is collapsing right now...Greetings from Europe!!! I' m so sorry that pple in the USA today, speak that way, categorize pple according to their social state and other reasons........

  155. Charlotte Johnson, I wonder if you would want to date a single father.

  156. This comment has been removed by the author.

  157. I sure would! If he had his life together...

  158. I think the important thing is, everybody is allowed to have standards. You are even allowed to have standards that exceed what you are able to get. If you set your standards too high, don't act surprised if you don't end up with what you want. For many guys, their standards include not dating single mothers. Not because all single mothers are bad people or have bad intentions, but there's so much extra responsibility and drama associated with single mothers that many childless men would rather not deal with that. Charlotte Johnson being a single mother, you seem to have your life on track. I would suggest you look for a single father in a similar situation. Though you may find a single guy with no kids, the chances of them being a quality guy are much lower.

  159. I am seriously sitting here with my chin dropping. I am a single mother - and by no means a foreseen choice. I was married to a man who choked me and smothered me and then killed our family dog in front of our daughter - and by no means was I going to stay with a man like that. He snapped. So this has left me a "single mother" (like it is some sort of filthy phrase). I am a GOOD mom, I work full time and I receive NOTHING from the father of my daughter. In fact I have a protection order against him. I am up at 0500hrs to get to work and take my daughter to PRIVATE school I am footing the bill for. I agree I may not have the body I did before I had my child - however I don't pretend otherwise. I am NOT expecting someone to come in an "take care of me and my child". If I met someone who cared for me and my child and wanted to be part of our lives that's great - otherwise I am also fine with my daughter and on our own. But to be calling us "raggedy", or "bottom feeders", or "welfare bums" - and whatever else has been said here - I am just completely in shock. I am sure there are people like that out there - and guess what - some of them are MEN ... I am not after some man's wallet or to "rope him in". If a man meets me and likes me - he will know I am a PERSON who has real feelings, needs, desires, and dreams - like any other person out there. I also happen to me a mother... (remember you all had them.. well at least I think so - some talk like you were hatched and not raised!) And I bet some of your mothers were single mothers! How dare you criticize unless you have walked a mile in ANYONE's shoes?? Shawn James is "black" - there was a time when everyone was down on "black" people - that has changed (to a great degree) Are you any better now picking on a demographic (single mothers) and putting them down than people did who were down on black people? Judge not lest you be judged! Maybe we should have you write a post on dead beat or violent "fathers". For the good and decent single women out there - be glad you are not ending up with any of these "men". The term is used very loosely. They are not men - they are spoiled ingrates.

  160. It's so common for women to claim they are a complete victim, because claiming responsibility for your actions is too much. If this guy is as bad as you said he is, you should have seen the signs (or chose not to ignore them) before you got married and had a child with him. However I get the feeling if we were to ask him why the marriage failed, I get a strong feeling that he wouldn't say he was a complete jerk and you were an angel.

  161. One more thing..... i think something needs to be done to bring number of single parents familyes down. Children should be raised in two parents household. No qwestions asked. I am not talking about widows acsidents do happen. Mayby schools needs to have sabgect of basic sicology for mails and femails. Governme t should step up and stop providing support for single mom and promote the cause . And man and woman should learn to leave in harmony. And then maybe there will not be need for such a posts and discations. to date or not to date single mother. I would say no. Unless you REALLY REALLY REALLY love this woman. As everybody sayed you will not create a new family unit instead you will join one. You will have to exept the rools of existing family. Mayby correct them a bit. You will have to realise that you will be number 2 till child turn 18 and becam self saffitient . Probably you will have to every once in a wile bump into ex(not in my case though) and have conversations with the child about ex. The presents of a child whos genetical make up you dont understand. You would never be able to see your self in this child because you are not there. Pluse i would not like someone els to parent my child. This is my role and his dad. However man can be his friend, mentor, teacher, one more person he can count on. But never the less a friend not a father. And last thing why single man without children should not date a single mam- i remember my self at 16..... pink glases world is beautiful.... emotions is positive.... there was literaly nothing i could not do..... yoy would never get it with single mam however secsessful she claims she is. THE MAGIC IS GON! AND ONCE ITS GONE- ITS GONE FOREVER!!!!!!! Find women who will give you this magic !!!!! So if man up to that what i sayed tnan yes he can date the single mam. If not better to leeve it and let us do the job our selfs. As a mam of a boy I WOULD NEVER WANT HIM TO ASSOSIATE WITH SINGLE MAM NO MATTER HOW SEXY BEAUTIFUL SEXESSFUL AND NICE SHE IS! Having sayed that i would like to have the man in my life a good man a real man but .... he should understand me be with me on the same page . For that he has to be my age. He might be divorsed and preferably have kids of his own. Even though i do not want to get married or moove in together... thats it from me... i dont belive i sayed what i sayed now i feelthat i betrayed the "single mam club" he he

  162. I'm afraid this happened to me also... Met a beautiful single mother with 2yr old twins and was overawed with how nice and kind she was at first. I've never had anyone reel me in with lies and texts telling me how brilliant I was! She even started mentioning a ring...After a couple of months it soon changed as she'd never help to pay for anything, meals, many camping trips etc. I consider myself a very decent, civil and kind person... Very normal overall. But she totally changed from luring me in, then just wanting cash. I'm aware any relationship can fail, but this girl was felt the world owed her everything. For me I'd avoid single mothers with young children at all cost....

  163. Shawn - great article.

    I would hate to think that I consider myself a mangina, but man was I ever dooped.

    I have a girlfriend with two kids and we've been together for about 4 years. I came into the relationship not wanting anything. All the signs mentioned here at the start of all this are spot on. Quote examples:

    "I've never loved anyone ever as much as I love you"

    "I want to marry you and be a family again"

    "The kids miss you so much while on business and so do I"

    The list goes on. In reality, it's been nothing but headaches, drama, deceit and whatever else I can fit into this box.

    I remember when the relationship first started and we'd go somewhere to eat. Those three constantly walked in front of me together whispering and giggling leaving me to bring up the rear. How rude is that. Some time later I also came to find out that she had been married multiple times before - had I known that I would have never ever continued with this. It could have saved us alot of headaches. I confronted her about it and she told me nothing was said because she thought "I would feel badly towards her". Isn't that my right to know? She's so quick on judging people without even looking at the mirror. Unfortunately, this has come down to someone who has royally fucked up her life more than once and continues to think she's in the right.

    Although in some ways I was treated like a priority for the first few months, that quickly changed. Not to mention the fact that when I came into the picture, these kids were a mess. Divorced the bio dad who was a total loser and had a history before of being a total loser. Yes, I basically turned into the "hired help" whether it was being the bad guy on the kids misbehaving, taxi rides etc etc.

    The sex was good starting out too (and that's a whole other issue) but then that turned to "oh I'm so tired and just want to go to sleep". Keep in mind that before she had told me "I would never tell you no" or "I'll do anything you want me to do". Truth is because of her "logic" and what seemed to be about "getting back at parents" or emotional thinking, I'm almost positive she was a total hoe bag her whole life while trying to pass it off as the opposite. Why? Cuz of the things she'll do in bed - that ain't a first timer experimenting. Not to mention she did tell me early on that "she had done it all". Then becoming a single mom there's no doubt she had the fwb thing going with god knows whoever. And not just relationships - guys who "were nice" and just for the hell of it.

  164. Long story short - she's nothing but a conniving deceitful hypocrite that justifies her actions and therefore is always right. She never takes responsibility for her own actions, I'm a hero one day and zero the next. "I don't know what I would do without you" became "why don't you do more".

    Her parenting skills suck - some of the worst I've seen. Giving in the kids, giving them what they want, not giving them any responsibilities around the house or otherwise, no guidelines or structure or consequences to wrong choices. These kids aren't young either, it just started out a disaster from the beginning and therefore they are products of the environment.

    I've never really had any baby daddy drama but he's just a weenie that doesn't go for the confrontation bit. That's fine - but I'm tired of being used, not feeling like I'm worth a damn, being on the fifth rung of the ladder behind herself, her job, the 2 kids and everything they have going on.

    It doesn't help that she's a ball of stress all the time either and sweats over the little things. It's just completely aggravating and mind blowing the logic (or lack of) she displays.

    I'm a good guy - I have always helped others and was married once before with two kids (older now) - that was awesome and frankly, I was a dumbass and ruined things. I help around the house, run errands, taxi kids around, try to communicate, but as mentioned before on these blogs, there's absolutely no communication or emotional bond whatsoever from her. In other words, I'm just here to do what I'm told because "that's what families do". We're not a family - not even close to it.

    My life absolutely sucks because of this mistake and a once vibrant, personable entrepreneur type is now nothing but a hollow shell.

  165. Dude, it doesn't have to be that way. You have no commitment to this woman and no kids by her. Drop her like a bad habit and go live your life.

  166. It sounds like you want to be free. There are 2 options I can think of that will make you happy.

    1. You could quietly pack all of your things on a day she isn't in the house and kids aren't around, then before she comes home, get in the car and drive away. Don't look back! Then consider changing your phone number and email address. This would be a good approach if you are not good at confrontation.

    2. Sit down and think of all the negativity this relationship has brought. Think of all the sacrifices you've made and how under appreciated you feel. Then with all these thoughts in your head, think to yourself, "no matter what happens or what she says, this is over!". Then confront her and tell her it's over, she'll likely respond with some blah blah drama, but stick strong and think of the freedom at the end of the tunnel. When the conversation is over, enjoy your new life!

    Of course there's also option 3. That's where you either try to work it out or just tolerate the situation you're in. In this scenario, you will likely remain unhappy and under appreciated and will grow to regret staying more and more as time passes. I would highly suggest you avoid this option.

    Remember, this is YOUR life and you should not dedicate all your love, time, energy, and money to carry a woman and her kids through life who clearly doesn't deserve it.

  167. Awe poor Shawn James...My God sweetie did a single mom hurt you??? just like a little boy you run off and throw a tantrum. A single mother is the best woman for a little boy like yourself to have!!!! First off all DO NOT THROW all of us into one category. We do not all fit your discription. After being left with no choice but to be a single mother because I was married to a little boy like yourself who was faced with a REAL mans decision and could not handle it. I raised my ONE and only child alone. I held down 2 jobs while attending nursing school. I got my Bachelors and Masters degree WHILE BEING A SINGLE MOTHER!!! And for the record sir you dont have balls that is why you are running under an assumed name and with a cartoon character for a photo...YES that real balls hiding behind a facade...We have a country full of hurting misguided children who need fathers or father figures and if a REAL MAN (unlike yourself) is will to take on that position.. and prevent one child from facing the pain of having to tackle this cruel world...WHY WOULD ANY ONE GO AGAINST THAT!!!

  168. Hahaha, Sharmaine. Your post cracked me up. You clearly didn't read all the comments from his post. You bring up no valid points as to why it would be wise to for a man to deal with the drama of raising children that aren't his and dealing with a woman who puts the man as her last priority. Further more, your shamming language only shows how like most women, you only think with emotions instead of logic. Any single fatherless male who reads your post will be even less likely to date a single mom, so in that regard, thank you :)

  169. Sharmaine said "After being left with no choice but to be a single mother because I was married to a little boy like yourself who was faced with a REAL mans decision and could not handle it."

    So let me understand this correctly, you spread your legs and let a "little boy" cum inside you?

    Sharmaine said " I raised my ONE and only child alone. I held down 2 jobs while attending nursing school. I got my Bachelors and Masters degree WHILE BEING A SINGLE MOTHER!!!"

    Translation: I have been responsible for the mistake I made by getting pregnant, before I could take the time to see if he was the right one for me. I'm proud of my mistakes!

    Shermaine said "We have a country full of hurting misguided children who need fathers or father figures and if a REAL MAN (unlike yourself) is will to take on that position.. and prevent one child from facing the pain of having to tackle this cruel world...WHY WOULD ANY ONE GO AGAINST THAT!!!"

    Translation: My mistake will be passed onto my child and this makes me sad. Will any decent male have pity and throw their life away for me? If not, I'll call you nasty names.

  170. What a dumb sack of shit you are. The title should be why boys with small dicks avoid single mothers.

  171. Good point anon! Boys with small dicks should avoid single moms as well as real men. In fact most of the children of single motherhood should avoid them too.

  172. Sometimes people don’t understand how the little things they say can make a bad situation even worse for someone.

    Above is your sentence in the other post of yours.

    Mr james, your article hurts many single mother. You might not generalized. Because im sure personaly you know there are many good single mother out there whose not at all alike as your posted reason. (My english is not good ^^ )

  173. That comment was deleted. You want to play the victim, go someplace else.

    Seriously, how is a blog hurting a single mother? They're words on a computer screen. The only way something someone wrote in cyberspace hurts someone else is if something in that page reflects on them.

  174. The only way to make single moms responsible and accountable for their mistakes is to simply avoid and/or don't help them. Let them wallow in their misery.

  175. You should keep your night job!!! Your writings are arrogant and ignorant.. What a waste of 5 minutes!!!

  176. Errrrr should I get mad cuz I'm single mom???

  177. Not all single moms are like that. If you don't have a kid, you could never come close to understanding what's it's like. If you don't have a child, date someone who also doesn't. Of you do, it's impossible to date someone without a kid.. they just can't get past themselves and realize there is something more important then their needs. Single parents don't have time to play games or put up with garbage from anyone.

  178. Someone back in april said the following:

    "It's hilarious how single mothers are quick to point out what a real man is/does but apparently they have no clue because if they did,they wouldn't be a single parent they'd be happily married"

    AMEN. Thunderous applause spanning from the left to the right of the auditorium.

  179. Great article and I totally could not agree more. I am exactly what that article was about I reconnected with a woman I had a crush on in high school who do not give me the time of day. I am in my late 30s have a good job and I am single I guess because I don't settle I don't know. Anyway we reconnected and she had three kids. According to her the man was a total monster cheated threatened her wacko and of course she was totally nice and had no responsibility for the failed relationship. She seemed very nice at first we were long distance I would go down I met her kids which made me feel really bad because he thought I was going to be daddy. We ended up going to Las Vegas together and all I was was a sucker ATM machine providing her a free vacation. I was very lucky as I saw what a bitch she was after the Vegas trip and then she turned into a mean nasty horrible excuse for a human being I was very lucky thank God I didn't live close to her as I would've gotten wrapped up into her because I really cared about her. I'm not saying all single mothers are bad but this one fit exactly what the writer was talking about. It would've been such a waste of a life to marry her and to be with her and let's face facts I am not a dad I have no experience being a dad those kids need someone that has that experience. I was very lucky that I saw her for who she was because she could change of a dime she could be nice one minute and be a total bitch and blow me off the next minute I've had enough

  180. Wow, you sound like you are one angry man, Shawn. I hope you meet better people even though the quality people you are meeting are a reflection of who you are.
    Perhaps be a bit more positive and wise.... My 2 cents.

    Nice art work and novels by the way!

    Keep that up!!!

  181. Nothing angry about this blog. Merely speaking the truth.

  182. This is great! pretty spot on if you ask me...I have a baby's mom and a beautiful daughter. I pay my child support every two weeks! A sensational liar as with her her family and friends of the likes of her all men bashing. Not all men are bums for leaving their women NOT THEIR FAMILY! The children are indefinetly their family. But yes the cockblocking not as much I'd give a dude a gun and bullet and my phone number and tell him to call me after he's been put in my shoes by her! Lol its always on and off...but this is really good...its constantly thrown in my face how most of the child support she uses on herself and her friends... come on how do you pay no rent no bills live with your mother and go through almost 500 buck in a month and have the nerve to say "Im broke"...bitch at the end of the day you make more than I do and you don't even work!!!!! Hahaha

  183. You will notice that the children of a single mom, are spoiled and combative just like the mother herself. You will also notice that she treats her children like delicate porcelain, rather than using discipline and all the other important aspects when it comes to raising children. She does this out of guilt. But if you ask her why her children so out of control, she will blame it on the father. Most single moms are content with not having a man in their lives. Stay away from them at all costs. Victimville already has a huge single mother population. Ignore them at all costs, and the problem will be resolve d

  184. OMG WHAT A FRIGGIN BABY! As someone who was a single mom & has been happily remarried for over a decade, GROW THE HELL UP AND STOP GENERALIZING.

    MAYBE, JUST MAYBE.. you keep trying to get involved with women who are sick & tired of selfish baby men! The kids SHOULD come first & why don't YOU see this?? WAH WAH WAH, SHE WON'T PUT ME FIRST.. so now, because the woman is being a good mom, YOU CALL HER SKANKY! And then you wonder why these relationships don't work out? You can't appreciate the love & attention that she is giving her kids INSTEAD OF YOU, A STRANGER.

    These children have already been thru a difficult relationship & a divorce, OF COURSE SHE TREATS THEM GENTLY!!!! It's part of the healing cycle.. & OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T WANT YOUR STRANGER ASS COMING IN AND PLAYING DADDY when you don't want to do that, except when it fits YOUR agenda to get in mom's pants!

    I can tell you right now... being with someone who took on 4 kids & me - HE PUT US FIRST BECAUSE HE LVOED US.. and we are very happy to this day.. MAYBE YOU JUST SUCK! YUP!

  185. As a single mother, I dread the fact that we looked down upon because we have the responsibility of taking care of the children while the father is nowhere to be. Yes we made a poor judgement (or judgements in some cases)in choosing to have children by but last I remembered it takes two to make a baby. I stress to young ladies nowadays the importance of abstinence so they wont have to experience the stereotype and degradation of such pathetic people such as the author of this biased article. Mr. James, why dont you write an article that addresses "why women should avoid men that make babies and avoid responsibilities." Then I might call you a valid writer...