Today, seventy percent of African-American women are single. Unfortunately many of these sistas don’t understand it’s the little things they do that are keeping them from having a healthy relationship with a Black man. I feel if Black women had any insight into how they were acting they’d understand why they couldn’t find that “good” man who will want to share in a relationship with them.
Want to know why seventy percent of Black women are single? Here are some of the reasons:
Negative Attiude There’s always a storm cloud around a Black woman. Because she’s constantly down in the dumps she projects negative energy about herself. That negative energy makes people stay away from her and it erects a wall around her that keeps her from connecting with people.
Ironically it’s this attitude that keeps her from the very people she professes to want in her life like a good man. Most Black women don’t know that like attracts like and in order to get a good positive Black man, a Black woman must be good and positive as well.
Defensive body language- Because a Black woman is always on the defensive she’s always acting in ways to make people keep their distance. Crossed arms, crossed legs, haughty looks, are all signs a person isn’t interested in connecting with someone. What many Black women don’t understand is that expression of this body language is like erecting a brick wall in front of themselves turning away the very men they complain won’t talk to them.
Hostile demeanor A Black woman rarely smiles. Her face is often twisted in a scowl or a grimace of disgust. These facial expressions make people turn away from someone and avoid them. A smile is a sign that someone is approachable. When someone smiles, it’s a sign that there’s a chance for friendship and possibly a personal connection. But when a person is always scowling or grimacing it’s a sign to avoid them.
Verbally abusive African-American women do not know how to be tactful. Instead of choosing their words carefully and being sensitive to people’s feelings, they often say things that insult or offend people. Worse, when Black women speak to people it’s with a harsh or a condescending tone of voice. Many Black women have been conditioned to behave defensively in all aspects of their life and they don’t understand that the abrasive way they speak to people keeps them away.
Emotionally abusive A Black woman doesn’t know how connect with men emotionally. Because she wasn’t raised understanding how to express her emotions to men she’s always on the defensive. And because she’s always on the defensive all of her expressions of emotions often come across as attacks. This alienates the men in her life and keeps them from getting close to her.
Never a kind word A Black woman rarely has anything positive to say about anything or anyone. They never tell the men in their lives that they’ve done anything good for them. Some don’t even say please or thank you. Little things like this are expressions of appreciation and gratitude. If a person can’t express their feelings towards someone they care about then how can they have a relationship with them?
Black women need to think about it this way: Would anyone want to come home to someone who always complains, is NEVER HAPPY, and NEVER SATISFIED? That kind of person is just GRATING and will DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY FROM THEM.
Unwilling to fight fair When African-American women they argue with a Black man, they just don’t disagree, they hit below the belt. They launch into personal attacks about handicaps, unemployment, or other issues Black men having. These attacks hit brothers like fists, knocking them down emotionally. As they heal from their wounds they learn to keep their distance from Black women. Some are so emotionally traumatized from the abuse that they want nothing to do with Black women in the future.
Always has to get the last word in A Black woman can never let a man cool down and go back to his corner when he decides to leave an argument. When a man is upset and retreating from the conflict, she follows him looking to get one last statement in. And when she does this, she goes in for the kill with low blows and cheap shots in an attempt to humiliate her man and make him feel worthless. Sistas need to understand that sometimes it’s best to let a man walk away and keep her comments to herself.
Unsupportive When a Black man wants to do something and asks a black woman to be there for him, Black women aren’t there to provide support at all. Instead of helping their men in their careers or even in their hobbies, Black women often put the needs of others in front of the needs of their partners. And no man wants to be a fifth wheel in a relationship where he’s supposed to be a partner.
When a woman doesn’t support her man it makes him feel like he isn’t being valued. And when a man feels like he isn’t valued by his partner he decides to abandon the relationship, either emotionally by disconnecting or physically by cheating.
Shows no respect to her man A Black woman won’t show a Black man the most basic of courtesies. She won’t introduce him to her friends and family. She won’t stand up for him when people speak bad about him. And a woman who won’t stand up for a man won’t stand with him in a time of crisis.
Destroys and damages a man’s property When some Black women are upset with their man she’ll destroy his property. Cut up clothes, key his car, break his awards and keepsakes. By destroying his things, it’s a clear sign that she has no respect for him.
Mocks and belittles a man’s hobbies and interests Because a Black woman is narcissistic, she doesn’t see value in anything relating to what a Black man does. If a Black man has hobbies and interests that don’t relate to sating her ego (buying her stuff), she’ll mock them and belittle them as “stupid”, “childish” and a “waste of money”. Because she doesn’t see the personal value they have to him she mocks and insults them not knowing that she’s showing how little respect she has for him.
Mocks and belittles men in the company of her friends and family Black women are known to make fun their boyfriends and husbands when out with their girlfriends. Some are known to mock and belittle their men in front of friends and family at social functions! These actions speak volumes about a Black woman’s character. How can someone profess to love someone in private yet show them absolutely no respect in public?
This is the kind of public humiliation and emasculation makes a man feel worthless. It’s the kind of cruelty shows men that they aren’t respected, valued or appreciated. It’s the kind of behavior that drives men away from a woman into the arms of another woman.
Arrogant A Black woman often thinks she knows everything. She’s unwilling to listen to others or defer to another person’s knowledge, especially if it’s a Black man. Because she’s so proud she’d rather fail and be the “strong black woman” rather than ask for help from her partner, the Black man. Because In a Black woman’s eyes she is NEVER wrong and can NEVER be wrong.
And Because a Black woman believes she is NEVER wrong, she hides her flaws from everyone. That makes it hard for anyone to connect with her. What most black women don’t understand is it’s only when people understand they aren’t perfect that they can have relationships with each other where they support and care for each other.
What’s worse than a Black woman’s hubris is the fact that most Black women think they’re better than everyone else. Black women think they are PERFECT and think everyone must come up to the level of pseudo greatness they imagine themselves at. They create unrealistic lists of criteria and think men are supposed to jump through hoops to meet their ridiculous standards. This is why they’re deeply disappointed when they try to pursue relationships with the opposite sex. No real person can ever be what they imagine them to be.
Dishonest Black women are extremely dishonest when it comes to their feelings. They say one thing and do another. For example, they say they want a good man, but they often associate with convicts, thugs, mentally ill or other dysfunctional men.
In addition to being dishonest about their feelings, Black women are also dishonest about themselves. They often hide their personal baggage in a closet hoping it won’t come out. Then they project their shame and guilt onto others in the hopes they’ll be so embarrassed about their own behavior they won’t see the truth about them.
What many Black women don’t understand is that this dishonesty prevents them from getting close to the people that love them the most.
Because Black women aren’t honest with themselves about their personal flaws and indiscretions they live in a perpetual state of denial where they tell lies to themselves. Worse, they believe these lies like “Being a strong Independent Black Woman” to be truth.
Belligerent Zora Neale Hurston stated that the Black woman was the “Mule of the world” in her novel Their Eyes Were Watching God. However the flip side of this are that mules are also stubborn and unwilling to do what people need them to do when people need them to do it. And like mules, many Black women do not like to listen or take direction from Black men when they ask them to do things that need to be done.
When confronted with her flaws, her issues or anything pertaining to her character, a Black woman REFUSES to change or make efforts to change. Because she thinks she’s PERFECT she refuses to listen to any sort of criticism or advice.
Selfish A Black woman thinks the world revolves around her and ONLY her. She believes she is the center of the universe and doesn’t think of the needs of her partner in a relationship. She thinks that it’s a man’s job to take care of her needs, but doesn’t think that he has needs as well.
In romantic relationships she doesn’t want to share with her partner. Especially when it comes to emotional issues and intimacy. When it comes to sharing love, affection and being close to someone a Black woman erects a wall between herself and her partner that prevents him from feeling his love for her.
Greedy Because a black woman is selfish, she wants everything to be for her. Her income is HER income man’s income is HER income. All of the money coming into the household is to be spent on her and the things she wants. Screw the man’s needs or things like Rent, electricity and groceries.
Materialistic Many Black women value style over substance. They don’t value a man for his internal character traits, but for the designer labels he wears the high-profile job he has at a fortune 500 company, and the ivy league college he went to. They correlate “good” with brand names. In their minds they think because a man can afford to buy these brand names he’ll have enough money to buy them designer labels and treat them like a queen. Because they look for a man to buy them material possessions they never share the things that make a strong emotional bond with someone such as loyalty, trust, honor, integrity, kindness, compassion and love.
Manipulative A Black woman can never come to a man face-to-face and ask him to do something. No, she has to go behind his back. She can’t trust him to do what is in the best interests of himself and his family or trust that his decisions are the right ones.
Worse, she consorts with a Black man’s enemies and others in the community who wish to do him harm. She thinks she’s helping him by associating with these individuals, but by acting so deceitfully she causes a rift between herself and her man.
Controlling Black women feel they have to be in charge and that their word is law. In their eyes a man must do everything the way they want it done or it’s not done right. While many Black women always talk about equal partnerships, they truly fear sharing power with a man. And because they fear sharing power with a man in a relationship they bully, harass and intimidate men. They falsely believe that by attacking and browbeating men they’ll submit to their will like a child. Unfortunately all this does is drive a good man out of the relationship into the arms of another woman.
Unwilling to compromise A relationship is supposed to be about give and take, with both partners making compromises to work with each other. But a relationship with a black woman is ONE way. Her way or the highway. Many black women think that black men are just there to serve them and that they don’t have needs as well.
Unwilling to trust A relationship requires that both partners have faith in each other and care for each other without conditions. Black women often don’t have faith in their men from day one. Worse, they attach their trust with conditions and strings. A man can only be in her life if it’s only on her terms. This lack of faith in a partner often sabotages a relationship before it starts.
Unwilling to forgive and forget When a Black woman has a bad experience with a Black man, she JUST CAN’T LET IT GO OF IT. While people of other races and Black men will just chalk that one experience up as a loss related to that one person and move on, a Black woman hold on to those bad memories for the rest of her life. Worse, she’ll project those bad experiences from the past onto EVERY MAN IN HER LIFE and anyone she gets involved in including her children making their lives a living hell.
If the man who burned her was a cheater, she’ll accuse all other men she is involved in of cheating on her. Because she won’t let go of that past failed relationship and those past hurts, she winds up carrying a boatload of emotional baggage everywhere she goes. That baggage keeps her from connecting with good men and getting close to them.
Insecure Because a Black woman refuses to trust unconditionally in her partner, she is always worried about the integrity of his commitment to her. This insecurity leads to her doing things like trying to test her relationship, utilizing threats, intimidation or nagging to control her partner. No man wants to deal with a partner who constantly doubts him, so they abandon their relationships to find a partner who will confidently trust them without conditions, tests, intimidation and threats.
Game playing Because a Black woman is insecure, unwilling to trust, she feels she has to play games and pull stunts to make a man “prove” her love to him. She’ll flirt with other men in the hopes he’ll get jealous, threaten to leave him or even damage his property. Some will even cheat on a man. All of these actions are selfish, cruel insensitive and immature. They show how dishonest a woman is and truly how little faith she has in a man to love and care for her. While many Black women think these games will draw a man closer as he makes efforts to prove his loyalty to her, ironically it’s the lack of trust she has in him that drives him further away from her.
World Building Some Black women create unrealistic fantasy worlds regarding the men they involve themselves with. They delude themselves into believing ex-convicts, thugs and drug addicts are knights in shining armor who will treat them like queens. Unfortunately, when these fantasies come crashing down into reality these women lose their minds. Because they can’t see men as people with flaws, they wind up being disappointed by every relationship they involve themselves in.
Obese In addition to being seventy percent single, Seventy percent of Black women are obese. With men being visual creatures, most are repulsed by the sight of these big heifers.
Out of Shape Along with being overweight, most Black women are out of shape. Their idea of working out is a trip to the refrigerator and back over to the sofa. Many can’t even get up a flight of stairs without being winded.
Listens to treacherous friends A single Black woman always has two or three friends to lean on…And sadly she listens to them for advice. She has no idea that in most cases her “girlfriends” are the ones to sabotage her and keep her from being happy because they want her to be as miserable as they are. It’s these harpies that tell a Black woman with a good man to dump him because “he’s boring” and date a thug. It’s these cows that tell a woman who is happy to leave her man because they’re jealous of her success in having a relationship. In some cases, these heifers make a move on a woman’s man right after she left him!
Listens to treacherous relatives A single Black woman doesn’t only have to worry about jealous friends, but envious family members as well. There are sisters, cousins, aunts, and even mothers who don’t like seeing a Black woman in their family with a man because they’re angry about their own failed relationships. In the Black woman’s world misery loves company, and Black women smile when they see other sistas just as miserable as they are. Many a Black woman has let go of a good man because mama, grandmother, auntie, cousin or a sister has told them to leave him instead of fighting for him.
Plays the victim When things aren’t going a Black woman’s way then she’s being victimized by the world. In reality she’s the one inflicting the damage on herself. A Black woman is her own worst enemy, but she’ll make you think it’s everyone else causing her pain and grief.
The sad part is most of the majority of Black women refuse to acknowledge these flaws and many more they have. Most Black women are so focused on what material things they have to offer in a relationship that they don’t look at what they’re bring to the table in terms of character.
Which is why seventy percent of Black women are still single.
Until sistas take a long hard look at themselves and work on the contents of their character they will never find a man or have a healthy relationship with one. Black women need to start being honest with themselves and start taking responsibility for their actions. It’s the way they behave and the things that they do that are keeping them from having that relationship with that one good Black man.