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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Why 70 Percent of Black Women are Single



Today, seventy percent of African-American women are single. Unfortunately many of these sistas don’t understand it’s the little things they do that are keeping them from having a healthy relationship with a Black man. I feel if Black women had any insight into how they were acting they’d understand why they couldn’t find that “good” man who will want to share in a relationship with them.

Want to know why seventy percent of Black women are single? Here are some of the reasons:

Negative Attiude There’s always a storm cloud around a Black woman. Because she’s constantly down in the dumps she projects negative energy about herself. That negative energy makes people stay away from her and it erects a wall around her that keeps her from connecting with people.

Ironically it’s this attitude that keeps her from the very people she professes to want in her life like a good man. Most Black women don’t know that like attracts like and in order to get a good positive Black man, a Black woman must be good and positive as well.

Defensive body language- Because a Black woman is always on the defensive she’s always acting in ways to make people keep their distance. Crossed arms, crossed legs, haughty looks, are all signs a person isn’t interested in connecting with someone. What many Black women don’t understand is that expression of this body language is like erecting a brick wall in front of themselves turning away the very men they complain won’t talk to them.

Hostile demeanor A Black woman rarely smiles. Her face is often twisted in a scowl or a grimace of disgust. These facial expressions make people turn away from someone and avoid them. A smile is a sign that someone is approachable. When someone smiles, it’s a sign that there’s a chance for friendship and possibly a personal connection. But when a person is always scowling or grimacing it’s a sign to avoid them.

Verbally abusive African-American women do not know how to be tactful. Instead of choosing their words carefully and being sensitive to people’s feelings, they often say things that insult or offend people. Worse, when Black women speak to people it’s with a harsh or a condescending tone of voice. Many Black women have been conditioned to behave defensively in all aspects of their life and they don’t understand that the abrasive way they speak to people keeps them away.

Emotionally abusive A Black woman doesn’t know how connect with men emotionally. Because she wasn’t raised understanding how to express her emotions to men she’s always on the defensive. And because she’s always on the defensive all of her expressions of emotions often come across as attacks. This alienates the men in her life and keeps them from getting close to her.

Never a kind word A Black woman rarely has anything positive to say about anything or anyone. They never tell the men in their lives that they’ve done anything good for them. Some don’t even say please or thank you. Little things like this are expressions of appreciation and gratitude. If a person can’t express their feelings towards someone they care about then how can they have a relationship with them?

Black women need to think about it this way: Would anyone want to come home to someone who always complains, is NEVER HAPPY, and NEVER SATISFIED? That kind of person is just GRATING and will DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY FROM THEM.

Unwilling to fight fair When African-American women they argue with a Black man, they just don’t disagree, they hit below the belt. They launch into personal attacks about handicaps, unemployment, or other issues Black men having. These attacks hit brothers like fists, knocking them down emotionally. As they heal from their wounds they learn to keep their distance from Black women. Some are so emotionally traumatized from the abuse that they want nothing to do with Black women in the future.

Always has to get the last word in A Black woman can never let a man cool down and go back to his corner when he decides to leave an argument. When a man is upset and retreating from the conflict, she follows him looking to get one last statement in. And when she does this, she goes in for the kill with low blows and cheap shots in an attempt to humiliate her man and make him feel worthless. Sistas need to understand that sometimes it’s best to let a man walk away and keep her comments to herself.

Unsupportive When a Black man wants to do something and asks a black woman to be there for him, Black women aren’t there to provide support at all. Instead of helping their men in their careers or even in their hobbies, Black women often put the needs of others in front of the needs of their partners. And no man wants to be a fifth wheel in a relationship where he’s supposed to be a partner.

When a woman doesn’t support her man it makes him feel like he isn’t being valued. And when a man feels like he isn’t valued by his partner he decides to abandon the relationship, either emotionally by disconnecting or physically by cheating.

Shows no respect to her man A Black woman won’t show a Black man the most basic of courtesies. She won’t introduce him to her friends and family. She won’t stand up for him when people speak bad about him. And a woman who won’t stand up for a man won’t stand with him in a time of crisis.

Destroys and damages a man’s property When some Black women are upset with their man she’ll destroy his property. Cut up clothes, key his car, break his awards and keepsakes. By destroying his things, it’s a clear sign that she has no respect for him.

Mocks and belittles a man’s hobbies and interests Because a Black woman is narcissistic, she doesn’t see value in anything relating to what a Black man does. If a Black man has hobbies and interests that don’t relate to sating her ego (buying her stuff), she’ll mock them and belittle them as “stupid”, “childish” and a “waste of money”. Because she doesn’t see the personal value they have to him she mocks and insults them not knowing that she’s showing how little respect she has for him.

Mocks and belittles men in the company of her friends and family Black women are known to make fun their boyfriends and husbands when out with their girlfriends. Some are known to mock and belittle their men in front of friends and family at social functions! These actions speak volumes about a Black woman’s character. How can someone profess to love someone in private yet show them absolutely no respect in public?

This is the kind of public humiliation and emasculation makes a man feel worthless. It’s the kind of cruelty shows men that they aren’t respected, valued or appreciated. It’s the kind of behavior that drives men away from a woman into the arms of another woman.

Arrogant A Black woman often thinks she knows everything. She’s unwilling to listen to others or defer to another person’s knowledge, especially if it’s a Black man. Because she’s so proud she’d rather fail and be the “strong black woman” rather than ask for help from her partner, the Black man. Because In a Black woman’s eyes she is NEVER wrong and can NEVER be wrong.

And Because a Black woman believes she is NEVER wrong, she hides her flaws from everyone. That makes it hard for anyone to connect with her. What most black women don’t understand is it’s only when people understand they aren’t perfect that they can have relationships with each other where they support and care for each other.

What’s worse than a Black woman’s hubris is the fact that most Black women think they’re better than everyone else. Black women think they are PERFECT and think everyone must come up to the level of pseudo greatness they imagine themselves at. They create unrealistic lists of criteria and think men are supposed to jump through hoops to meet their ridiculous standards. This is why they’re deeply disappointed when they try to pursue relationships with the opposite sex. No real person can ever be what they imagine them to be.

Dishonest Black women are extremely dishonest when it comes to their feelings. They say one thing and do another. For example, they say they want a good man, but they often associate with convicts, thugs, mentally ill or other dysfunctional men.

In addition to being dishonest about their feelings, Black women are also dishonest about themselves. They often hide their personal baggage in a closet hoping it won’t come out. Then they project their shame and guilt onto others in the hopes they’ll be so embarrassed about their own behavior they won’t see the truth about them.

What many Black women don’t understand is that this dishonesty prevents them from getting close to the people that love them the most.

Because Black women aren’t honest with themselves about their personal flaws and indiscretions they live in a perpetual state of denial where they tell lies to themselves. Worse, they believe these lies like “Being a strong Independent Black Woman” to be truth.

Belligerent Zora Neale Hurston stated that the Black woman was the “Mule of the world” in her novel Their Eyes Were Watching God. However the flip side of this are that mules are also stubborn and unwilling to do what people need them to do when people need them to do it. And like mules, many Black women do not like to listen or take direction from Black men when they ask them to do things that need to be done.

When confronted with her flaws, her issues or anything pertaining to her character, a Black woman REFUSES to change or make efforts to change. Because she thinks she’s PERFECT she refuses to listen to any sort of criticism or advice.

Selfish A Black woman thinks the world revolves around her and ONLY her. She believes she is the center of the universe and doesn’t think of the needs of her partner in a relationship. She thinks that it’s a man’s job to take care of her needs, but doesn’t think that he has needs as well.

In romantic relationships she doesn’t want to share with her partner. Especially when it comes to emotional issues and intimacy. When it comes to sharing love, affection and being close to someone a Black woman erects a wall between herself and her partner that prevents him from feeling his love for her.

Greedy Because a black woman is selfish, she wants everything to be for her. Her income is HER income man’s income is HER income. All of the money coming into the household is to be spent on her and the things she wants. Screw the man’s needs or things like Rent, electricity and groceries.

Materialistic Many Black women value style over substance. They don’t value a man for his internal character traits, but for the designer labels he wears the high-profile job he has at a fortune 500 company, and the ivy league college he went to. They correlate “good” with brand names. In their minds they think because a man can afford to buy these brand names he’ll have enough money to buy them designer labels and treat them like a queen. Because they look for a man to buy them material possessions they never share the things that make a strong emotional bond with someone such as loyalty, trust, honor, integrity, kindness, compassion and love.

Manipulative A Black woman can never come to a man face-to-face and ask him to do something. No, she has to go behind his back. She can’t trust him to do what is in the best interests of himself and his family or trust that his decisions are the right ones.

Worse, she consorts with a Black man’s enemies and others in the community who wish to do him harm. She thinks she’s helping him by associating with these individuals, but by acting so deceitfully she causes a rift between herself and her man.

Controlling Black women feel they have to be in charge and that their word is law. In their eyes a man must do everything the way they want it done or it’s not done right. While many Black women always talk about equal partnerships, they truly fear sharing power with a man. And because they fear sharing power with a man in a relationship they bully, harass and intimidate men. They falsely believe that by attacking and browbeating men they’ll submit to their will like a child. Unfortunately all this does is drive a good man out of the relationship into the arms of another woman.

Unwilling to compromise A relationship is supposed to be about give and take, with both partners making compromises to work with each other. But a relationship with a black woman is ONE way. Her way or the highway. Many black women think that black men are just there to serve them and that they don’t have needs as well.

Unwilling to trust A relationship requires that both partners have faith in each other and care for each other without conditions. Black women often don’t have faith in their men from day one. Worse, they attach their trust with conditions and strings. A man can only be in her life if it’s only on her terms. This lack of faith in a partner often sabotages a relationship before it starts.

Unwilling to forgive and forget When a Black woman has a bad experience with a Black man, she JUST CAN’T LET IT GO OF IT. While people of other races and Black men will just chalk that one experience up as a loss related to that one person and move on, a Black woman hold on to those bad memories for the rest of her life. Worse, she’ll project those bad experiences from the past onto EVERY MAN IN HER LIFE and anyone she gets involved in including her children making their lives a living hell.

If the man who burned her was a cheater, she’ll accuse all other men she is involved in of cheating on her. Because she won’t let go of that past failed relationship and those past hurts, she winds up carrying a boatload of emotional baggage everywhere she goes. That baggage keeps her from connecting with good men and getting close to them.

Insecure Because a Black woman refuses to trust unconditionally in her partner, she is always worried about the integrity of his commitment to her. This insecurity leads to her doing things like trying to test her relationship, utilizing threats, intimidation or nagging to control her partner. No man wants to deal with a partner who constantly doubts him, so they abandon their relationships to find a partner who will confidently trust them without conditions, tests, intimidation and threats.

Game playing Because a Black woman is insecure, unwilling to trust, she feels she has to play games and pull stunts to make a man “prove” her love to him. She’ll flirt with other men in the hopes he’ll get jealous, threaten to leave him or even damage his property. Some will even cheat on a man. All of these actions are selfish, cruel insensitive and immature. They show how dishonest a woman is and truly how little faith she has in a man to love and care for her. While many Black women think these games will draw a man closer as he makes efforts to prove his loyalty to her, ironically it’s the lack of trust she has in him that drives him further away from her.

World Building Some Black women create unrealistic fantasy worlds regarding the men they involve themselves with. They delude themselves into believing ex-convicts, thugs and drug addicts are knights in shining armor who will treat them like queens. Unfortunately, when these fantasies come crashing down into reality these women lose their minds. Because they can’t see men as people with flaws, they wind up being disappointed by every relationship they involve themselves in.

Obese In addition to being seventy percent single, Seventy percent of Black women are obese. With men being visual creatures, most are repulsed by the sight of these big heifers.

Out of Shape Along with being overweight, most Black women are out of shape. Their idea of working out is a trip to the refrigerator and back over to the sofa. Many can’t even get up a flight of stairs without being winded.

Listens to treacherous friends A single Black woman always has two or three friends to lean on…And sadly she listens to them for advice. She has no idea that in most cases her “girlfriends” are the ones to sabotage her and keep her from being happy because they want her to be as miserable as they are. It’s these harpies that tell a Black woman with a good man to dump him because “he’s boring” and date a thug. It’s these cows that tell a woman who is happy to leave her man because they’re jealous of her success in having a relationship. In some cases, these heifers make a move on a woman’s man right after she left him!

Listens to treacherous relatives A single Black woman doesn’t only have to worry about jealous friends, but envious family members as well. There are sisters, cousins, aunts, and even mothers who don’t like seeing a Black woman in their family with a man because they’re angry about their own failed relationships. In the Black woman’s world misery loves company, and Black women smile when they see other sistas just as miserable as they are. Many a Black woman has let go of a good man because mama, grandmother, auntie, cousin or a sister has told them to leave him instead of fighting for him.

Plays the victim When things aren’t going a Black woman’s way then she’s being victimized by the world. In reality she’s the one inflicting the damage on herself. A Black woman is her own worst enemy, but she’ll make you think it’s everyone else causing her pain and grief.

The sad part is most of the majority of Black women refuse to acknowledge these flaws and many more they have. Most Black women are so focused on what material things they have to offer in a relationship that they don’t look at what they’re bring to the table in terms of character.

Which is why seventy percent of Black women are still single.

Until sistas take a long hard look at themselves and work on the contents of their character they will never find a man or have a healthy relationship with one. Black women need to start being honest with themselves and start taking responsibility for their actions. It’s the way they behave and the things that they do that are keeping them from having that relationship with that one good Black man.

88 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you need to be more objective. There are many black women that do support black men to their own detriment. There are even white, latina, and asian women who are as you describe black women to be. There are also many black men that are exactly as you describe black women to be. I could name a few black men who are unattractive, over bearing bullies who run from woman to woman trying to get as much as they can, however, I would never, ever, berate the majority of black men because of the acts of a few. There are black men that are kind, sensitive, and downright wonderful. Many women would respond negatively to the things you have written, but I will not. That's what the media wants us to do. Engage in the back and forth, tit for tat arguments, hating on each other. This has to STOP. I LOVE BLACK MEN. Always have and always will. I'm sorry that you've had such bad experiences, but I want to encourage all Black Men out there and let them know that loving black women are out there. We understand your struggles and support you. I hope that someday you meet a caring sister who can help put things in perspective for you. Peace.

Shawn James said...

I am being objective. I have observed this situation for close to two decades and things get worse instead of better.

While some women of other races may have attitudinal issues The majority of Hispanic, White and Asian women have no problem finding men and getting marred.

Moreover, they have no problem finding good Black men to marry.

When seventy percent of Black women are single they're clearly doing something WRONG in their approach to finding a mate. The issues I pointed out aren't generalizations. They come from my personal experience and the experiences of other men who have had to encounter the bad behavior of Black women which turned us OFF.

I'm trying to offer solutions here. Black women really have to start taking a look at what they're doing because when over two thirds of a group is having the exact same problem, with Black men and Black men aren't having those problems with other women it clearly isn't the men who are at fault.

Will I find a good black woman? I don't know. Right now I'm not looking for one. I'm working on my writing career and trying to find work.

Rocco said...

I read this and almost caught the spirit. So much truth and fact in one space...I damn near overloaded my system.

Anonymous said...

This about sums it up. I would love to find a black woman to address what i have coppied and pasted from this awesome analysis below. Thank you.

Black women really have to start taking a look at what they're doing because when over two thirds of a group is having the exact same problem, with Black men and Black men aren't having those problems with other women it clearly isn't the men who are at fault.

Please please explain this (Black Woman)

cswheat said...

Or maybe there is a historical context to this whole thing. White women have a lot to smile about in America. They have always been the standard of beauty and regarded with respect. Black women have been raped, used and belittled ever since they have stepped foot in this country sorry they aren't smiling all the time. I don't like how you make it seem like it's all black women because what you described is very stereotypical. There are other reasons why we have problems finding men.. jail...education level..down low ..rap music...polygomy....Black men also have deep rooted issues that don't allow us to love them. A lot of black men put Latina or mixed girls on a higher pedestal because they reject their own blackness. I'm in shape... I'm nice.. people of all races like me and even date me...I guess I'm just not ignorant. Don't believe the hype.

Shawn James said...

cswheat,

Historical context is no excuse for the way Black women have been behaving, especially over the last 40 years. How many Black women were belittled, raped or sodomized by a white master since 1960? How does any of that relate to the way Black women have been acting for the last two generations.

There's no excuse for the rude and hostile way Black women are towards Black men. There's no excuse for their cold body languaage and rotten attitude. How do you expect to attract people to you when your whole perception of men ins negative?


And the other reasons you give are just deflections. Down low men...That argument is PLAYED.

How about we talk about Down low hoeing most of these sistas participate in with Married men, and men who have girlfriends? The jumpoffs with thugs, dope boys,m and ex-cons

Rap Music...Man please. Hip hop has NOTHING to do with Black women being single. That argument is FLIMSY.

Polygamy, You're really pushing it. Last time I checked a woman had to allow herself to participate in a poly amorous relationship.

Most of the reasons I give for Black women being single are valid. They aren't stereotypes. When over 2/3 of Black men are having a problem relating to women, then the women need to change their approach. What didn't work for their mamas and grandmammas isn't working now. Black women NEED TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

Anonymous said...

Shawn, youre being steriotypical to a point, but such is life. Im pushing 40, have 2 sons, both ive raised alone with "some" help. Im independent, beautiful, and SINGLE. My mother is white, I have never met any of my black relatives. i do have some of the attitude problems you mentioned. Gods still working on me!!. Ill be the first to admit it. Not all of what you are saying about us apply to me, but some of it does. So Ill take the information for what its worth, not to be married, but to be a better person. Ladies? if the shoe fits?????? you know what to do with it. If this doesnt at all apply to you, then dont take offense.

Anonymous said...

I definitely appreciate this column as a single, straight, educated black man who wants the same confidence, love & resilience in a black woman/future wifey. I myself set no standards in a mate that I don't also hold myself to. But I'm constantly taken a back by Black women who claim they want a "good brutha" who date/marry/tolerate dudes who are nuthin' but drama, don't/won't treat 'em right, clearly don't want marriage/monogamy and clearly are unprepared/ill-equipped to be happy in any kind've committed relationship. i think the sabotaging friends/relatives brood, negative energy given off, overcritical and unsupportive vibes are, sadly, very specific to (not all but a disproportionate) number of black women (some w/out their knowledge, if that's a defense). i'm also stunned by the number of black women who say they wanna be approached -- again by good bruthas -- who won't even give us a chance. We're not tall enough, smooth enough, don't give off what they perceive as a a sexy enough vibe on first impression. Guess what? a real man doesn't need a fancy line, a macy's fashion sense or walk with an oversexed vibe to be a good man who'll be committed, treat you right and keep you happy (in every sense of the word). i'm still holding out for my nubian queen. but damn, sistahs!?!?!?! take a look in the mirror & at least be OPEN to us! we come in all shapes and sizes, and don't hit "da club" every damn weekend, lol. Good read (this blog).

Anonymous said...

I am one of the 30% of black women that is married to a loving, black man whom I adore. I also had a loving, black father who spent a great deal of time with me. I was able to observe my parents' healthy marriage. Many black women are not so lucky. No loving mom and dad, no loving model. That is the way young people learn how to establish healthy relationships, and this is at the core of the problem in our community today. BTW, how do you explain all of the supposedly loving, kind, happy faced single white women who have been abandoned by their black baby daddies? Studies show that black male/non black female relationships and marriages fail at a much higher rate than either black male/black female OR white male /black female unions. I wonder why this is so? Ya' can't pin THAT on sistas' Mr. James! You must admit that there are also brothers with serious issues that can't be blamed on black women other than they mammas! Although you are clearly intelligent, failure to even try to see both sides makes you come off as just another bitter brother with an ax to grind and a thing for non black women.

Shawn James said...

Not bitter at all. I'm happy where I am right now.

just stating the truth. So many Black women do not see the little thinigs that are sabotoging them socially because of the way they're raised. Some Sistas don't know that the expressions on their faces turn off guys who could be potential mates. Nor do they see how

You were making good objective points until you started making ad-hominnem attacks on me and about Black men and Nonblack women. I do not advocate those relationships, but if brothas want that then that's on them.

Personal attacks show how insecure you are when confronted with the truth.

This article was meant to help Black women see themselves the way the rest of the world sees them and help them make some self-examination. But too many sistas get emotional and angry instead of making efforts to change the behaviors that are causing them to fail in having great relationships with Black men.

Anonymous said...

What's personal? I have no idea of what your predilections are. I am telling you OBJECTIVELY how you appear to me. There is no question that Your post is one sided. Clearly you think little. of us. You have nothing positive to say about black women. Would you disagree with that statement?

Anonymous said...

Look, I'm not saying that you are entirely wrong. But your purpose might be better served by using example of loving BLACK women, instead of throwing up the examples of the "other." You appear to be coming from a place of anger and resentment rather than one of love. This makes your argument less persuasive.

I believe that most black women do not embrace their feminine energy. They are not comfortable with being vulnerable, and vulnerability is a critical part of what it means to be truly feminine. Many of us have not been able to embrace it because we have had to be the man in a single parent family. Much of this has to do with the choices we, our mothers and our mothers before us have made. The generational culture of single motherhood has been detrimental to US, to BLACK
PEOPLE. I am not making a moral judgement here. It's just that mothers having to be both mom and dad has resulted in a loss of femininity. We are working against nature, which decrees that ideally, two parents raise a child together. Our negative attitudes have evolved. They didn't just pop up from nowhere.

Shawn James said...

You want examples of those kinds of loving, caring Black women read one of my books like Isis, A Recipe For $ucce$$ or All About Marilyn, or The Temptation of John Haynes. That's all I present to the Black community in my fiction are positive stories about Black people and the Black experience.

But most Black women tend to ignore those stories featuring those softer loving women I offer them to them.

Now I think Highly of Black women. But they don't think highly of themselves. I don't resent Black women. I love them enough to tell them the truth.

Now if I were a Mangina like Mr. Steve Harvey or Mr. Tyler Perry, I'd be showering Black women with all sorts of undue praise, telling them how great they were, and enabling the inflated self-aggrandized image they have of themselves instead of telling them where they're going wrong. You can't work towards a solution until you acknowledge there's a problem.

Now my approach is hard but Black folks don't listen to soft speech or kind words. I did that kind of approach for several years and with most Black people it goes in one ear and out the other.

At the STRIVE job readiness workshop where I worked 12 years ago with ex-offenders, dropouts, and addicts who were in denial about their attitudinal and behavioral problems, we had to apply tough love to get people to see where they were going wrong.

It was only when they saw where they were going wrong that they changed their failed approaches to life and were able to move on. It was our "tough love" approach that helped people grow out of the cycle of co-dependency and self destruction to become funcitonal adults who could keep a job for 2 years or longer.


In this article I use tough love to present the side where Black men are coming from. This is what we experience and encounter in a lot of our interactions with sistas. It's these little things most Black women don't see or don't understand that turns us off and makes us want to avoid having relationships with Sista. I thought putting those things in print would get Black women to take a hard look at themselves.

The goal of this piece was to get Black women to self-examine their failed approaches to men and the behaviors that keep them alone. And the way Black women have been taught to approach and to relate to Black men by Single mother is keeping them single just like Mom and Grandmom.

I will agree with you that these ways of thinking didn't come out of nowhere. They were socially engineered over 40 years by White Supremacists and White Feminists looking to oppress and control the Black community. Changing the ways of thinking of brothers and sisters so they are at enmity with each other instead of working together.

But the only way to break out of that programming is to see it for what it is and to take that long hard look at oneself. Most Black women aren't doing that; they just keep trying the same things over and over again instead of trying something new.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely. I'm a white manwhose only dated black girls and everything this man wrote is true. I'm not particulalry attracted to black gals but there the only ones who talk to me. Every girl ive dated thinks they are gods gift to humanity. Most black gild think the world revolves around them. Also if u disagree with them its on. My ex tossed a boiling hot pot of collar greens at me for no reason. This girl also stole 17k from me. She blew thrum my disability I. One year. Every "Nubian princess"think they r exactly that. U have to do everything for me.this girlreally screwed me. I was paying all her bills. She put bills in my name without my permission. Her parents told me that she was only with me cause I'm white well educated and come from an afflune middle class family. Most white dudes who date black girls try to act black. I'm the complete opposite. I don't talk ghetto don't have. The Jon b beard. I'm your typical suburbanite as Memphis says "that white collar cat" ha! I hold2 masters from Syracuse and my Ba from Penn st. I have no need to act ghetto like my fellow white compatriots who date sisters. Honestly I wont date another black girl. They are sp I credibly selfish. And its always somebody else problem not theirs. My ex didn't accept personal responsibility for anything. Its the white mans fault or my husband fault hes in jail etc. Stshe ar is the most selfish woman I ever met. Husband in jail she starts dating a 19 ur old h's dropout to get the section 8
She always said nobody can say anything againsrt me because I work 15hpurs per

week get section8 and have my own place. She wont work full time because shed lose the ssectipn 8. I did so much for this girl I. Will conclude by saying that.I am extremely skeptically of black girls
But white women don't talk to me. My parents keep asking me when u going to meet a nice white girl. I told them sisters are the only ones who give me the time of day. I don't see that trend changing. Sorry fellas I know u love black girls
Frankly I'm tired of the attitude selfishness me first mentality. She cared about nobody else. I want to be happy not frustrated.
She almost had me killed. It was sp crazy at the end I had to get out of the situation.

keeping it real said...

You are an idiot. Whites have been known throughout history to have poor relationships with anyone other than theirself. Their known for being serial killers and killing their whole family for insuramce money because of their greed isues and longing for power. Our hair doesnt stink if we dont wash it and a dogs does just like yours. Stay off blogs and get an education because historically your dumb.

keeping it real said...

I bet your either a white man trying to discredit aVlack women or your what we call an uncle tom. Look that up!

Shawn James said...

Keeping it real, You are hilarious. A White man comes to this blog telling the truth about Black women and you don't want to hear it. Your Shaming language is so comical that it made me laugh out loud.


All over the world the American Black woman is seen as a hostile, overbearing dysfunctional arrogant contentious female and in your own comment you pretty much reinforce the very stereotypes he discusses.

I guess it hurts that he doesn't reinforce the Black female fantasy that White men desire Black women. But that's the horrible truth. Until sistas wake up, they'll be at the bottom and remain there.

c.j.a. said...

I am an African American woman. One of those obese ones wearing size 7 jeans. Seeing as how I was a size 3 at one point, I feel just awful right now. Unfortunately, I have something to say about your post. Unfortunate due to your strict classifications; I may be another "black" woman pegged as haughty (to sum up your list) just because I have something to say. A challenge, in particular.

Who you decide to date is a reflection upon you. Take note of why you end up with those types of women. For example, what I see in your post is a black man who is very uncaring, insensitive, hateful, spiteful, disrespectful, rude, verbally abusive, has color issues, and may need to cut his dated hairstyle in order to find a good woman. I'm only kidding...on that last part. But, I do hope that he at least loves the black woman who spent hours birthing him and months carrying him when she could've simply been hostile, negative, abusive, vain, belittling, arrogant, destructive, selfish, greedy, insecure, game-playing, or played the victim by deciding to abort him. No. She was willing to make THAT compromise-- in fact, I'm sure it was MORE than a compromise: she loved him and brought him into the world. I don't know what happened to you, but I do get clues from your post that you have been hurt. I understand and apologize on behalf of who hurt you, but to take it out on the entire population of black women worldwide is awful, unfounded, and unfeeling.

Btw, forget the numerous white women pushing like mad for abortion, getting surrogates in order to not alter their figures, getting plastic surgery like mad etc.
And btw, don't also forget that after segregation there was an increase in the same among black women. There were actually increases in a LOT of ills within the black community in general after segregation! So who are the ones with the issues again and why? And how?

Nearly everyone has a crazy uncle in their family. Big deal. Instead of telling them what crummy people they are-- on the face of the planet (i.e. "...they are hated worldwide")-- ask yourself what circumstances they have faced that make them who they are at that moment. And you yourself.

I see you're from the Bronx, NY? Don't you guys have projects on every corner, tons of drug dealers, poverty, tons of broken homes...Should I stop there? Now, do you see how offensive (oh, there's another adjective-- gasp! I know what an adjective is!) you are? (And of course, that is?) Oh wait...! You missed my head-rolling body language there. Sigh, oh well.
I do not believe the previous is an accurate picture of all of Bronx and New York (city & state); New York City, in particular, has beaches, beautiful buildings, amazing restaurants, and unbelievably, suburbs (!) etc. New York State has countryside. Of course, I don't have to tell YOU this. If man-made cities have all of that and more, then how much more does ANY individual created by an amazing God have inside of them (and to offer)? However, in this fallen world we live in, people have run areas of our country down just as badly as you’re doing us right now.
And you know what? I've never even been to New York. Have not even been there yet to experience any of the different areas. Yet, I still have respect for it enough to not post essays denigrating it for that "one terrible building on the corner."

I see that you're a great writer and you make plenty sense in explaining your point. You're very persuasive, speak your mind, you're an entrepreneur. How's that for butt-kissing? Too many kind words for a black woman? I also understand as a writer how you will want to defend your writing wholeheartedly, but that above needs no defense.

Julius Harper said...

I'm sure things very from individual to individual but from personal experience I have to agree I also agree a lot a black men have some severe short comming that contribute to black women extreme short coming but I think black women r even worst if their attractive and r totally disillusion if they r very attractive (DIVA) and I believe things r only going to get worse without some counseling and some spirituality!!

Julius Harper said...

I'm sure things very from individual to individual but from personal experience I have to agree I also agree a lot a black men have some severe short comming that contribute to black women extreme short coming but I think black women r even worst if their attractive and r totally disillusion if they r very attractive (DIVA) and I believe things r only going to get worse without some counseling and some spirituality!!

Shawn James said...

CJA:


Come at me with all the stats you want. The facts do not lie. 70 percent of the college educated women are single Over 70 percent of the women here in the inner-city have children out of wedlock. Marriage may be going down statistically, but relationships between Black men and Black women are in a crisis right now. We need to start doing things differently.


The reason why I wrote this piece is to get Black women to understand that the approaches to courtship they learned from their mothers and grandmothers 40 years ago DO NOT WORK. It's left them single and it's leaving women right now to be single.

Doing things that DO NOT WORK OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND EXPECTING THINGS TO CHANGE IS CALLED INSANITY.

If something doesn't WORK TRY SOMETHING ELSE. I want women to start taking a serious look at themselves and the failed approaches to life they apply that keep them stranded in a bad situation.

Why is it that women of every other race can find the quality Black men in the Black community and marry them but Black women can't? What are they doing right that Black women are doing WRONG?

I ran this list down so Black women could see how Black men and even some White men view Black women. This is how you are perceived. This is the main reason why many sistas are single. I believe if sistas got themseslves right they could change this perception in a generation. But they have to let go of the dysfunctional way of thinking they learned in childhood.

John said...

this is true for canadian black women as well. i just want a black woman who isnt materialistic. black women also like to be with you then try and upgrade when they think you are going stale. with women in general you can't be overly emotional especially being a black guy, but with black women the second you are emotional they call you soft and will eat you up (not me but i seen it happen).

black women do think they are gods gift to men but white women have that same complex, they think they are gods gift to BLACK men, and somehow it is a privilege we are with them.

black women like to control things, so do white women but i would say white women are somewhat more timid and more feminine, whereas with a black chick i worry about getting into a fist fight with.

John said...

it really boils down to one race (black) being more masculine and one race being more feminine (white). i would say there is a 20 percent difference between them. though i may be off because white girls who like black guys try and mimic stereotypical black women behavior, and those are the ones ive usually encountered. i need to meet a white women who is not racist but is not usually into black guys in order for me to make a proper analysis

Anonymous said...

This article is so on point. As a black man, I can tell you that maybe not every black woman have all of these characteristics, however.. almost without fail many black women have some of these characteristics. I know this is hard for black women to hear, but if y'all really want to know what we men think.. here it is. I'm not saying that black women need to change, but rather, have the ability to self examine. If you want to be married, don't be bitter, be better.

Anonymous said...

As a black woman I am EXTREMELY hurt by quite a few of your comments about black woman as if black men are any better. Not saying everything you said is completely false because I have met some black woman that fit that catagory but it hurts me to see MY own race turn against me because they had a bad experience or two. And darling majority of things you are claiming about black woman, it's not just us that's ALL WOMAN. And speaking for the majority like myself I live and die but the words forgive and forget. Since we are forgiven it is foolish for us not to forgive. I am a black woman that has experience things that i shouldnt have at a young age, even racism and it is our experience that shape our attitude; but anyway honestly darling I know I don't know you but this article sounds pretty bitter.

Shawn James said...

"As a black woman I am EXTREMELY hurt by quite a few of your comments about black woman as if black men are any better. Not saying everything you said is completely false because I have met some black woman that fit that catagory but it hurts me to see MY own race turn against me because they had a bad experience or two. And darling majority of things you are claiming about black woman, it's not just us that's ALL WOMAN. And speaking for the majority like myself I live and die but the words forgive and forget. Since we are forgiven it is foolish for us not to forgive. I am a black woman that has experience things that i shouldnt have at a young age, even racism and it is our experience that shape our attitude; but anyway honestly darling I know I don't know you but this article sounds pretty bitter."

Wow. Just Wow. Listen to the Histrionics in this little comment.

Damn, a blog written by a dude in cyberspace who doesn't know you hurts you? Get over yourself.

Seriously, if you are offended by a blog someoene who doesn't know you wrote then obviously something in it must be true about YOU.

No one is turning against their race. This piece was written to get Black women to take a look at themselves and why their approaches to relationships are causing them to fail with Black men.

There's a whole bunch of deflections, shaming language and other nonsense in your comment that are laughable. Me bitter? Nah, I just write the truth. If you don't like hearing the truth go head over to Steve Harvey, Michael Baisden or one of those other Captain-Save-A-Hoes.

Nikki Ransom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nikki Ransom-Alfred said...

I really enjoyed your article and it's quite true. I am a Certified Sex Expert and Speaker and I also teach women how to have positive, loving relationships. Most black women ARE indeed keeping themselves single while placing the blame on the men. I want to have you on my show Mr. James. (and I will add that I am an extremely happily-married woman to an extremely happily-married man!)

Shawn James said...

What type of show do you have?

quiz said...

I've read some of the comments black women have responded to this article. Ironically, they fit the description of what the authors describing while trying to dispute what he says. Black women are so incredibly arrogant and disallusioned that they just don't get it. I will try. The author is giving reasons on possibly why 70% of black women are single, which is a crisis. Instead of black women getting an understanding and perhaps healing themselves, they dispute him instead. They point out how other women of other races have the same issues. WHAT?! How does that help you, knowing other women have similar issues? One thing for sure only 26.2% of white women are single. A black woman is too arrogant and close-minded to think, what are these white women doing to get married? Nope, they stay stuck in denial instead of seeing if they could change for the better.

Then they go to "old faithful" attacking black men and pointing out their flaws in an effort to take the focus off of them! They write in this blog and say their are men that are bullies,liars and cheats. Yes, we know that but how does saying that get you married?
If you point out 70% of black women are obese, WHICH THEY ARE! A black woman will say, "I see some fat white women too." This doesn't stop you from being fat or less fat! Sometimes I believe this generation of black women are hopeless. Maybe they belong alone. Alone with their plate of food, and their Yaki Weave.

I am one of the good black men and single, I polished myself to be a good husband to a black woman. However, I am wasting my time looking and waiting for arrogant, obese, selfish, treacherous, cruel, narcissistic,conceited, fake hair black women, oh yeah, and before you start tripping and start saying not all black women are this way,I am talking about 70% of you only!! Also, before you try also to minimized me with mental hang ups. No, I carry no baggage. I am just disappointed in you black women.

White women do treat me a helluva lot better, they actually do!!

Anonymous said...

As a single Black woman, honestly I do agree with this list. I do agree that many Black women need to work on their attitudes and personalities.

Me, I know I need to work on my self esteem and attitude.

Anonymous said...

I only read part of this and got disgusted. You either have only met the worst kind of black women or you have a problem.

Shawn James said...

Maybe you got disgusted because you saw something that related to you. The only women who get upset with this particular blog are women who see something in it that's true regarding their character. And instead of taking a look at themselves they then try to attack and insult me. Which ironically proves my points correct.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to flip this. I think what this article is really stating is... it is very rare that you will find a black women withOUT at least 70% of these attributes. Not all black women have 100% of these negative attributes that run a black man off quicker than door to door salesman trying to sale a $2 product for $200... but the point is its a problem the world notices and how can it be addressed, because outside of those faults, which, lets be real, some black men, white men, white women have certainly too (quick example about being selfish... at least a black women will act it out with your money vs they money... a white guy will just shoot himself or his family or people... in this case, the level of selfishness doesn't compare. Ive never heard a black woman get to that point of extreme selfishness. But back to the main point - the writer, I think understands with these attributes addressed, the blackwomen has so many 'better' qualities under this mask and wrath of negativity: Curves, Strength, Great mothering, Natural Beauty, Loyalty, Sexual, Smart, Ambitious, I could go on... but someone made a good point that not having that supporting mother and father growing up does make a difference, really in us all. Finally, I think with all this talk of mandatory healthcare... counseling should be mandatory and free for all black men and black women so they can understand our concerns and us theirs (make them read above list and address each fault) ... and we do the same to "their list." Boom! There's the solution.

Shawn James said...

Don't try to flip my words. What I'm saying is that because 70 Percent of Black women have these character traits it turns Black men off. The message of this blog is meant to give Black women a WAKE UP CALL so they can see why their life paradigm is a failure.

The biggest mistake mothers made in the 1960's was teaching their daughters that they could be "Independent" and that they "didn't need a man" these false concepts created by White feminists (lesbians) have damaged the minds of heterosexual Black women. And as they keep trying to shove the square peg into the round hole (Insanity) they keep winding up in the same place-ALONE. Worse, they keep applying the same failed concepts to life in the hopes of them working. Again, this is called insanity. God made the Black woman to help the Black man, not the Black man to serve the Black woman. Until sistas get their minds right, a majority of them will remain single for the rest of their lives.

Anonymous said...

I decided to look into the stats about the 70% of BW are single. The study of the BW being single included BW who were divorced, widowed and counted BW who were teenagers. That study slso concluded that BM had a 65% single rate. Those numbers do not include BW who are engaged or dating. I wonder why you are so quick to internalize the worst about BW?

Shawn James said...

Who's internalizing the worst about Black women? I'm merely stating all the reasons why Black men want nothing to do with Black women.

These are all the reasons why Black women drive good men out of their lives. If a majority of women are driving the men out of their lives, then there's something WRONG with how they approach relationships.


The sad part is we have too many SIMPS and Manginas out here trying to give Black women an excuse for their out-of-pocket and dysfunctional behavior. And because these dudes give Black women a Pussy Pass(tm) for the way they mistreat men, they never acknowledge that the way they were raised is keeping them from having a healthy relationship with a decent Black man.

We've heard for years about "No Good" men, but Who picks them?

If you can't stand hearing the truth, then that's on you.

Tonya G. said...

You obviously need serious help. It's such a shame that as ignorant as you are, there's some Black woman out there that loves you despite your complete and utter lack of respect. The biggest flaw the Black woman has is loving Black men who hate themselves and thereby hate the women who bore them, raised them, provided for them, supported them, and prayed for them. The saddest part of all this is that you believe this nonsense. In the words of Brother Baines in Malcolm X "You believe anything the white man tells you." You're spouting off societal stereotypes that hate Black people as a whole. You just fell right into the trap---divide and conquer.

Shawn James said...

To Tonya G:

You have it wrong. I merely hold a mirror to the face of you sistas in the hopes of waking you up. These approaches are why you're single, your mother was single and your grandmother and aunts are single. But keep trying to put that square peg in the round hole and expecting things to work out.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for showing me, ME! I was unknowingly continuing the cycle from my mother and grandmother.

From this day forward, I will be a better person!!

Great read!! Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Your stats were incorrect and you failed to address this fact even when it was presented.
What trash.

Shawn James said...

Butthurt about hearing the truth. You can attack me all you want, but at the end of the day you are still single.

Anonymous said...

No wonder Shawn is single! Talk about messed up... So, 70% of black women are single - 65% of black men are.

No big difference. Preach to black men instead. And start with yourself. What a bigot!

Anonymous said...

I am a multi-racial woman who is considered by society, and considers herself, to be a "Black Woman". I found this to be one of the best articles I've come across on this topic in the category of PURE COMEDY. Thanks for the laughs. After the first point, I just scrolled and eyeballed the bold subheadings. Hilarious. Thank you.

Shawn James said...

Er...Biracial is still BLACK in AmeriKKKa.

Laugh today, but this is the sad truth Black women don't want to hear or acknowledge. But stuffing your ears and closing your eyes doesn't make the truth go away.

kk said...

So basically black women fall to your knees and back out of human life. Our mothers and fathers raised us to be strong but these “men” are not having that! Have no emotions such as anger, sadness, and insecurities because women should not express those things especially if you are black and in America. It just doesn’t work for us because of the color of our skin. The only way to get our attention is to throw stones at us (not serve real truth and uplift to better ourselves [who does that]). Got the minor sarcasm? Let me give you some statistics from the government website of why in the hell you are freaking single!!!
Education- Just stop learning girl
“Within each racial/ethnic group, women earned the majority of degrees at all levels in 2009–10. For example, among U.S. residents, Black females earned 68 percent of associate's degrees, 66 percent of bachelor's degrees, 71 percent of master's degrees, and 65 percent of all doctor's degrees awarded to Black students”
Nearly—that’s almost 90 percent deviation (not at all)
“According to the 2009 Current Population Survey (CPS) of the U.S. Census1 nearly twice the percentage of black women (44.5%) as white women (24%) and Asian women (23%) have never been married. They also significantly outnumber never-married Latinas2 (32%). “
This list goes on when you do actual research... Women live longer, men fill the jails faster, explosion of gay/lesbian relationships, etc.
Black women don’t feel attacked because women are generally attacked in most cultures. We do have work to do but this is not the way. We are the minority coming from a struggling place to make it beyond what has been done before in other generations. I love you all! Let’s work not tear!
I am black women who is single (w/o kids, cute, lots of smarts, money, etc )due to being overlooked because I am a black women… the ones listed above get all the attention! Seriously!
Toodles
Cited:
http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=72
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-in-limbo/201006/high-achieving-black-women-and-marriage-not-choosing-or-not-chosen

I can write on and on but I have to get back to studying and making a difference because our glass ceiling is made of bullet resistant type stuff lol…

Shawn James said...

Good Gravy.
Here's another victim rant. Cue the violins.

You are allowed to have emotions. All men want you to do is treat them with some RESPECT.


If more Black women would practice the tenet of Do unto others they would do unto you to Black men, they'd find a man.


Too many times do Black women treat men like CHILDREN instead of as seeing them as LEADERS.This is why men don't want anything to do with Black women. They've been brainwashed by White Femnist Lesbians to believe they are the leaders when it's their job to FOLLOW.

No man wants to be the put in a follower position, outside of WEAK males like Simps and Manginas.

Strong does not mean educated and successful. Strong means having the strength of character to support a man in building his family.

Too many Black women want to LEAD when God did not make you to be the leader. He made you to be the support, the person who helps the man BUILD.

I find it sad that the Black women would rather argue the point rather than taking the time to look in the mirror and do some self-examination. If you are single, then the problem is YOU, not the men around you.

Anonymous said...

I am a black woman I understand what you are trying to say here. I must say none of these applies to me but I have tried to give black men a try and it seems to me that all the black men I have given a chance to do not know what they had. They are the ones that is pushing me away not treating me right and when I leave calls me out of my name, but that is the ones I have come across. I grew up with my dad being white and mother black not only that my father is from france so now I don't even date black men at all just due to the fact that I have not had any good luck with black men. Now I'm not saying all are like that but the ones I have come across are. I think you may have had the same thing happen to you. Most of the black women you come across are like that. I must say just by seen things for myself most black women that I see are just like the things you had said. I'm not saying all of them are but most. I can not say for sure why most are like that but even at work they are like that and I myself would like to know why and where did all of this start. I think black people as a whole need to start looking at them self and trying to change who they are as a person to be a better person. Some people will not like what I have said but this is what I myself have seen and deal with myself.

Anonymous said...

Me too....lol

Anonymous said...

I agree 1000% with this list. I'll also add that most black females are one dimensional and boring. They have no hobbies or interests outside of chaos and drama.

Gaze said...

Love the article, when I say the same things I am called a racist who was rejected by a black woman.

Anonymous said...

Shawn you are disgusting. This sorry excuse of an article or analysis of yours should be banned from the virtual world in it's entirety! The current status of black women being single is far more complex than this bias and negative trivia that you are projecting. You are propelling appalling stereotypes of black women that are unfounded. I am a black woman and I know many black women who to the contrary of your nonsense are physically active, keen to try new things, supportive, intelligent, ,inspirational and non materialistic. Quite obviously you have some emotional drama and or issues that you haven't dealt with that inform your delirious opinions. Find peace and find God! You should be ashamed and embarrassed. Anyone who agrees with you is as ignorant as you obviously are.

Shawn James said...

Wow...You didn't like the article.


I should be banned...How about you just click out of the page.

This isn't complex. It's very simple. A child can figure out why Black women are single.


If you don't like this blog then you won't like the Why 70 percent of Black women are single BOOK that'll be coming soon!

Anonymous said...

You seem extremely unhappy. You need to look inwards for the root of your issue instead of blaming black women for your unhappiness failure self doubt self hate and insecurities... (your list revealed a lot.) I didn't like what you wrote because you claimed to describe all black women which is a lie. You described your own unfortunate experiences. Something about you attracts negative people. Whatever the case If you don't like something... change it. Date a woman who is not black if it suits you. Maybe one who doesn't speak English.... and who is blind... and mute... that would probably be best. I was going to add deaf... In case you find your claims ARE NOT bound by color... then at least she won't hear you and be offended when you start degrading her gender and race and compiling lists of negative traits. She will be none the wiser and love you anyway.

Shawn James said...

Nice try. But I'm not the one with the problem. Black women will use all sorts of deflections to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

Anonymous said...

So let me get this straight, black women according to the resident dumb@$& Sean must change their behavior in order to get a black man to date and eventually marry by being demure, feminine whatever the h@$& that means when the same is not required of black men if they want to meet a black woman of high quality.

Anonymous said...

Black men who refer label other black men as Manginas, Pussified, and Simps are nothing but petulant snotty nosed punks who constantly defacate and urinate in their pants when confronted by the men that they slander.

Shawn James said...

When confronted by these losers like you I check em'. I see you posted this here to get MAXIMUM Pussy points. Damn, are you that pathetic that you have to chase pussy online?

Shawn James said...

When confronted by these losers like you I check em'. I see you posted this here to get MAXIMUM Pussy points. Damn, are you that pathetic that you have to chase pussy online?

Tyrone said...

@Shawn James

Blackmen who hate on blackwomen are bogus to me...Period! We think selling out is just about whitewomen, no, it applies to all non-black females just the same. Another point, when did latina become a race unto itsef? Negros don't even have basic knowedge of the slave trade. Stop defending Spain and Portugal blackman...It's Shameful! A bunch of militant negros, these are the biggest haters of them all. Kissing the backsides of women who are the end result of white male rape of african women...Pathetic! Shawn James stop calling yourself a blackman, real blackmen don't hate blackwomen...Bottomline!

Shawn James said...

Tyrone:

Your Mangina is showing.

Never said I preferred White women or Latina Women. This emotional tirade of yours has no bearing on the points I've made about why 70 percent of Black women are single.

And I never said I hated Black women. That's you projecting onto me.This blog was pointing out the numerous reasons why Black men don't get involved with Black women.

If anything your comment is a pathetic attempt at getting some PussyPoints for yourself in cyberspace. Truly desperate when you consider that this blog is two years old.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is that I am a black woman, and I am not like a vast majority of the characteristics you have described. I am happy, I laugh a lot, I am very supportive, not materialistic and I go after my dreams. My friends and family are full of good, black women. I also have friends of all races and get along well with people. Stereotypes are so strange to me because people are people. I don't understand the point of saying "all" of a certain type of people do any particular thing. It perpetuates fear, and people miss out on getting to know good people because they cling to stereotypes. Saying all that, I am single, but being single is not always a bad things. There are pros and cons to being in a relationship and being single. At any rate, try not to let a handful of negative experiences keep you from a lifetime of good ones.

Anonymous said...

"According to 2009 data from the Census Bureau, 70.5 percent of black women in the United States had never been married — but those were women between the ages of 25 and 29." -ANGELA STANLEY

Shawn James said...

Those Same statistics state that 72 percent of Black children are born out of wedlock. Either way a majority of Black women are single and the number will get larger with each passing generation.

Anonymous said...

I'm a white man that had a relationship with a black woman. I was disrespected, taken for money, subjected to the 'guy friend' problem on multiple levels. Insulted, told I wasn't right about questioning her motives in crying so i would buy her things. She used my unconditional Love to make me go broke. We have a son now and he will never see his dad under the same roof as his mother. I loved her with all I had but in the end I knew it was just a game to trap me

Anonymous said...

Im african american , im a former marine , a former police officer and come from a good family of fine black women . I would not be with a black woman with a ghetto attitude !!! I would not feel comfortable being with a black woman who did not know how to act . It would be a shame on my family and myself !!! Black women who act nasty deserve to be by themselves . Do not allow your god fearing , good sons to be with girls raised in the ghetto who have that nasty mentality !!!

Clayton said...

This peace should be put on Oprah.com and every single website on earth dedicated to Sister "empowerment".
It is a cultural thing and I will tell you a story of what has been happening.
I remember somebody talking about how stupidly music rappers flaunt their wealth. It even has been attributed to a black community that never had exposure to wealth for a long time.
The African-American sister is 3x worst in that they pursue wealth to the destruction of relationships and marriages. there is no BALANCE !
I am a Nigerian working as a Computer Engineer here in the USA.
Last year we had an unprecedented 16 homicides of Nigerians killing their wives. Why ?
Nigerian men are not used to women with the traits described in the article which totally destabilize the home.
I do not justify the murders but for some weird reason African women coming to the United States are losing their marriages in droves on arrival because they are copying their African-American counterparts.
When Oprah visited Nigeria it is on record that she was almost hounded out of the country because she came with the "women can do without men message" and people just wanted her out.
African-America women have destroyed the adage, "Behind every man there is a successful woman" !
There is a level of ultra-selfishness in Black American women that is way beyond physical intervention. This has nothing to do with ignorance or men who are hurt and it has nothing to do with the fact that my mother is black.
The present day African-American woman does not reflect the values my Mother had that has kept her married to my Father for more than 40 years.
Actually now African-American women are proactively undermining African-American men. It is fashionable to see us men as stupid, clueless, jerks that have no chivalry and finesse. We are all potentially judged by African-American women as being secretly gay or DL and stuff.
The sic the police on men when they cannot be in control in the name of domestic violence. Sometimes I am literally moved to tears because I cannot tell you of how many friends of mine walk on eggshells to keep their marriages because they are married to Black-American women.
Now a black brother is more likely to be turned down in an interview of a panel of Black American women because the are the most loyal gatekeepers for the Caucasian community. We all are guilty in their eyes by skin color cuz we represent some boyfriend, father or associate who walked out of their lives !
Technology is the worst thing for now in Africa because the exposure of African women to their counterparts thru satellite tv is creating a mirror image of divorced African woman who are imitating their African-American counterparts with the belief that they are more "civilized". African men are bewildered because they do not walk out of their children or marriages and now they are being forced out of marriages by women who will either take control or destroy everything ! Meanwhile 95% of these African women grew up in wholesome family atmospheres.
The next strange thing is that most African American women I have met are trying so hard to be "white" that they stink. A dog she has can break your marriage because they are her "children" and she is busy trying to make money and she has no time for intimacy in her own marriage. The worst aspect of this story is that they are so confrontational that they have bullied the whole society including the church to blame men daily for their own demise. Nonsense

Anonymous said...

I hate when a discussion is taken to be on one side,here we are discussing single black women, single parents or whatever but...there really so much to talk about on this discussion,I want to believe before 2 opposite sex people get involve there is a minimum period of time for courtship, getting to learn aout ur partner....so if within that period u still not convince about the relationship y do u continue.
Here is my point, attitude, character, habit are something u consider in people a lot, so most of this ladies we are talking about her carries a degree if fury in their heart due to previous heartbreak and it takes time to heal and when the feel unsafe u r bound to get hurt, am a man and I mix a lot wit women as friend they pour out their heat to me and I can see what hurt them,y they r w@ they are, a lady gave everything to a particular guy and they guy hurt her and she said to herself why give evrything to someone that didn't appreciate me, when there are so many willing to give everything. For it, so taday she is a strip dancer and she is proud of that....see a lot a hidden factors necessitate what most of our black singes are today, so always think hard before u judge, don't just put up a write up to be one sided and find fault...in people
If u have the opportunity to me this same people u talk about and they pour out their heart to you, then I believe you will understand
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Shawn James said...

If you want to read more on this subject the Book will be on Smashwords June 29th- Mark your Calendars! https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/442178

Anonymous said...

I think I can speak for most when I say that everybody had been hurt in a relationship a time or two, but that's no excuse to act like an animal. It takes real character to love again after being hurt and it's common so no excuse for black women. If you can't love again that's not being a strong black women that's being weak.

Anonymous said...

Peach bishop!!!

Anonymous said...

I didn't realize love had a color. I think it's hard in general to meet someone you can be compatible with so why minute yourself to one race? You just explained how hard it is to find a black women with a good attitude so why would I turn down a good women just because her skin color is different than mines?

knight4444 said...

Mr. James your article is absolutely spot on!! I'm a middle aged black man and I've seen a huge difference in MANY, not all but MANY black women attitudes!! don't get me wrong, society as a whole is declining but black women are so selfish and money hungry it's impossible to have a caring loving relationship with them, because it's all about money.

Anonymous said...

I totaly agree with you Shawn! I am European white male and since i been in the States i dated 100's of black women! So i can say that i am an expert when it comes to black girls

Anonymous said...

Im not done yet! I also dated black girls from England , France and Africa and they are totaly different from black Americans. And it seems that deeper you go into south of States the worst they are..From my observation i think problem is that most of them never had a father figure in their lifes so they dont have a roll models. For me my mom set the standar of how woman should be. In this day and age of clones and foto copyes of human caracter and bullshit and manipulation of TV there is very little difference in ethics and moral values

Anonymous said...

So black girls dont get insolted by me i will say that why american girls are not much better..Second question they ask after what is your name is what do you doo? Why is that so important America? Anyways after 8 years of dating darkness and losing hope of geting marryed i decided to tone it down a bit and whent for Latina woman. And i could not be happyer. I still get all the benefits ( ass) of black woman but in lighter version . I forgot to say that ppl around me and my famiili looked down on me when i was dating black girls..So not only that im happyer but my mom is as well.. My soon looks like me.. I dont wana sound like rasist but thats they way it is in America. I love black ppl ans black girls i still notice black girls and i will always be atracted to them. But i had very bad experiance dating them it would take days to wright down my pain and suffering coused by dating black woman! I am finaly free ;)

Anonymous said...

Conclusion is that black girls are by far the worst women to date! U can not generalise but chances of finding a good black woman are extremely slim!

Dewayne Hunter said...

I know a lot of women maybe offended by Shawn James' post. I also must admit sadly what his states is true. But for the sake of argument (ladies) why not try doing the exact opposite of what he says, just to see how that works out for you. It can't get any worse.

Anonymous said...

I am a biracial women. I have a white dad and a African American mom, so I will say first off that reading this seems very disappointing that you wrote most black women are this way. I nor my mother are any of these things. I know many really great black women who are not like this at all. I will say I agree with one of the things how some can be verbally abusive. I have been treated very badly by sadly to say ALOT from black women. How? They say things to me without considering how their comments would make me feel. A lot of times about my race... I will say white women NEVER seem to say rude ignorant things to me that ONLY BLACK WOMEN and some black men love to ask me about myself... It seems that white people know not to ask personal questions to someone they really don't know, unlike black people. I will say not all black women are this way I've noticed the ones that seem to say rude,inconsiderate, hurtful and abusive statements are the ghetto ones. That is 100% truth?no lie they are always the typical ghetto black people that say verbally abusive things. So yes you are right on that but everything else I seen in every type of person in the world not just black people. You seem to have clearly been hurt by a black woman. And your only making people believe untrue stereotypes about black women. Aren't you black?

Shawn James said...

Yeah, I'm Black.

But I'm Not hurt by Black women. Haven't been hurt by Black women and I'm not bitter about Black women.

Why would I write a book like this http://www.amazon.com/The-Thetas-Shawn-James-ebook/dp/B00CO6QITK/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_d_6

presenting Black women in a positive light if I hated Black women or had an issue with Black women


But I write based on my experiences with Black women. I grew up in a home with three sisters and a mother. And their insecurities and low-self-esteem were on display for me every day.

I knew a lot of Black women who behaved in this dysfunctional way regardless of class or social standing. And studying their approaches to relationships and people I can honestly tell you that it's their behavior and attitude that's the primary reason why they're single today.

Now I know this may hurt some sistas and even some of you "biracials" (you're still BLACK to me) , but you need to hear the truth. The only way to heal the dysfunction between Black men and Black women is through open, honest communication.

Anonymous said...

Where as a black man i don't see it happening on all levels ,a lot of black women walk around with an an attitude and just plan mean like a demon

Anonymous said...

black will not do this with no other race just her own !black women don't treat the white man like shit like i said shit !

Anonymous said...

This article is pure rubbish, non-factual & demeaning. This is nothing more than a biased personal attack on African women,it's stupid to say the least. A "negative cloud"..seriously?

Anonymous said...

70% of Black women? Black women where? America? Or the black women around you? It must be, because I don't know where you got your figures from. There seems to be a lot of hate for black women in your article. Some of the things may be true but you surely have been around the wrong people. Please stop generalizing what black women are. I have a completely different opinion. What a bad impression to give the rest of the races of the world. Half of this is crap. I am a black women and I am yet to see women who possess the qualities of your long list.

Anonymous said...

"70% of Black women? Black women where? America? Or the black women around you? It must be, because I don't know where you got your figures from." ...

I meant to say "70% of Black women? Black women where? America? Or the black women around you? This must be a big mistake", because I don't know where you got your figures from. I have never been anywhere to find this unrealistic figure that you have quoted. And I have travelled to a lot of countries where the women are predominantly black and most of them were married with very nice families. ...

Shawn James said...

*FACEPALM*

Got another bunch of live ones.

You do know your girl Oprah Winfrey quoted that very same statistic. As did numerous publications such as USA today, and Newsweek.

And the U.S. Census states that 74 Percent of Black children are born out of wedlock. So that's where I get my statistics from.


There is no generalization here, just cold hard FACTS.

But most Black women would rather close their eyes and stick their fingers in their ears when presented with the truth. Ironically proving the very points I present in my blog.

Anonymous said...

I'm curious to know what are the reasons why 1 million out of the 2.3 million prison male inmates are Black? Why are so many Black males in gangs? There are so many social problems affecting Black males that you are acting as though Black males are perfect and Black females are the scum of the Earth. Why are so many Black children with out Fathers? Why are the majority of Black college/university students female? Black women must be doing something right because they are graduating more with higher degrees than their male counterparts. They are also doing better in the job market. This is to let you see that both Black males and females suffer with problems but one is not better than the other. You say 70% of Black women are single? If we are talking about women who were never married then the number is much lower and most Black women get married at a later age than 35. The reality is - you are very bitter and angry at every Black woman you see in NYC. I live in NYC and the pickings are slim. Trust me - the Black men are NO BETTER in NYC. Every Black woman in USA doesn't act like your list - I've met plenty of White girls who can check off some of those characteristics. You seem to hate Black women in general...so why don't you just date and marry White. You could save a Black woman a migraine headache.

Shawn James said...

Deflections, shaming tactics and bullshit. You sistas are a broken record. Same old responses. You do know this blog is over two years old

Who cares if you're getting degrees? Educated does not mean SMART. Black women always overcompensate by talking about their degrees when confronted with facts that don't fit within the White feminist programming they've gotten.