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Friday, November 4, 2011

Sistas, Before You Get Involved With A White Dude…You Better Count The Cost.

The Media has been telling Black Women there has been a shortage of eligible Black men for the past two decades. And now it’s telling desperate Sistas to get involved with White Men. Sistas see Movies like Something New, and actresses like Paula Patton and Halle Berry in relationships with White men and think there are so many benefits to pursuing interracial romance. Unfortunately, many Black Women don’t count the costs before getting involved in Something New and can wind up involved in a relationship that’s something terrible.

Before Sistas begin pursuing romance with a White man they need to:

Understand White Privelege. In America a White Male is considered supreme. This means he can go and do as he pleases with impunity, and has the advantage of going back to White society and being accepted with the full benefits that come with being a White male. And a White Man who gets involved with a Black woman gets a ton of benefits for doing so. For one, he can say to the world “He’s not a racist, because he dated a Black woman.” He can go to his friends and present himself as tolerant and liberal, while not confronting the racism he benefits from every day.

But after his relationship with a Black woman ends this White Man can also go back to his community and pursue and marry a White female.  Meanwhile the Black woman who pursues this White man is seen as a sellout and damaged goods by the Black community and is made into a pariah no one wants to be involved with.

Understand you may just be an experiment.  Sistas who pursue White Men must understand that some White dudes just want to see what being with a Black woman is like. While a sista may be investing her emotions in a relationship with a White Man, The relationship for him may be novelty, like an exotic fruit or a fancy Italian sports car. Something they’d like to try, but no one they’d commit to. A fling.
Remember Due to the reflexive properties of White Privilege, A White male who pursues a Black woman will do so just so they can prove “They aren’t racist.”

Understand he may just want the draws. Sistas must also understand that some White men also want to find out what sex is like with a Black Woman.  Some White males will wine and dine a sista just to get her into bed, and get those two notches in his belt. The one that says “He’s not racist,” and the other that says he bagged a black chick.

Since the Antebellum South interracial sex has been a taboo many curious White Men have wanted to explore. And the smooth operator White dudes are using this media propaganda to take advantage of desperate Black women who are eager to give up the panties gambling that it’ll lead to a long-term relationship.

Understand that he has nothing to lose. Sistas may invest their whole hearts in relationships with White men. But thanks to the institution of White privilege, a White man does not have anything serious to invest in a relationship. So while the sista is investing her heart time and emotions in a relationship, the White man may not be committing anything at all.

Read up on the case of Tonya Pinkins. In the 1990’s Tonya Pinkins played Livia Frye on ABC’s All My Children. She was Married to a millionaire White Man, and had two kids for him. By the mid-1990’s she filed to divorce her husband who made much more money than she did.

However the judge in New York, a liberal state, granted HIM sole custody of the children. The court then gave HIM all her assets including her home. By 1995, Pinkins was left bankrupt and wound up on public assistance for a while.

Sistas, understand that if a White man takes a Black woman to court in a divorce proceeding you may not have a leg to stand on. With the court system being made by White Males for White Males, he holds all the cards, and the judge will side with HIM, especially if the judge is a white male. The Precedent set by the Pinkins case spoke volumes about how 
Black women were seen by the courts in interracial relationships.

Also understand that a pre-nup is NOT a legal document with any validity in court. The judge can just choose to just disregard a pre-nup and divide the assets in any way he or she sees fit. So a successful Black woman could possibly lose all her assets the same way Pinkins did.

Be aware that you may not have options for legal recourse in a Domestic Violence situation. Black women who get involved with White men need to realize that law enforcement and the judicial system were founded by White Men to protect White Male interests. And if a White Man decides to get violent with a Black Woman she may not be able to get help. Sure 911 may come out, but they may do nothing when they get there.

In the institutionally racist U.S. legal system a White man’s word is true. If he says he’s not beating you, then he’s not beating you. And the Courts are run and controlled by White men who will take the word of a White man over that of a Black woman for truth.
Sure sistas are in love with White dudes for the moment. But in a dicey situation like Domestic Violence, a woman needs all the avenues she can to get out of a bad relationship. Getting involved with a White dude in an institutionally racist country could close all those Avenues to law enforcement and counseling off.

Read up on the Dr. Laura incident. A year or two ago, a Black female married to a White man called up the Dr. Laura show for advice because her husband was using racial slurs and verbally abusing her. Dr. Laura, a hardcore racist belittled and verbally abused the woman. Even though Dr. Laura was fired, it showed how many sistas do not understand the complex properties of institutional racism.

A Black Woman who gets involved with a White man must understand that there is a high probability that he will use racial slurs. Remember, in an institutionally racist country like America, the Black woman is not seen as valuable as a human being, in most cases but as an object.

Understand that Black women who pursue White Men may wind up involved with the same type of trifling type of man but in a different color. Many Black women who pursue interracial relationships for the wrong reasons often expect better treatment from White men. However, they’re soon disappointed. Why? Because they don’t understand that like attracts like whether it’s Black or White. Sistas need to examine themselves and what they’re putting out there before they pursue a man of any race. It could be their actions that cause their relationships to fail. When a woman has numerous relationships that fail with men of different races, the common denomination in all of them is HER, not the men she involved herself with.

Understand in most cases he may be Poor White man, not one who is an equal to you. It’s a fact most Rich White guys and don’t date Black women and most don’t care to. But successful Black women like Halle Berry who pursue White men tend to have relationships with White men from the poorer part of the economic spectrum, just like the successful brothas like Montel Williams, Michael Strahan, Darryl Strawberry and Dennis Rodman tend to pursue poor white women from the lower end of the economic spectrum.

Most single successful Black Women who pursue White males often wind up disappointed when they go out to pursue White men and find out that many are not their equals economically and academically and may be poor, uneducated or underemployed, unemployed  or have prison records. White guys very similar to the brothers they were dating previously and complaining about. Another case of like attracting like whether its black or White.

Understand that reality may not meet a Black Woman’s expectations of White Men. Many Black women have the notion in their heads that a relationship with a White Man will be much better than that with a Black man. Most of these sistas imagine White Men as Prince Charming who will sweep them off their feet and give them a fairytale.  However, when they find out that the White men they pursue are just as broke and trifling as the brothas they used to date, sistas wind up disappointed. It’s a case of reality not meeting up with sistas unrealistic expectations of men overall.

Understand that a White Man may give a Black Woman the same second-class treatment brothas have given them. Sistas don’t be surprised when a White Man doesn’t introduce you to his friends, family or people in his social circle. These may be red flags that he’s not serious about committing to the relationship. In either case, it’s a sign he does not value you as a person and is just in it for what he can get. Moreover, it's a sign that the Black woman settles for less regardless of the color of the man, and she just may be picking the wrong type of guys.

Understand that there are still good brothers out there and there have always been good brothas out there. Too many sistas believe the hype about this “Black male shortage.” The truth is there are plenty of good Black men out there. But because sistas have unrealistic superficial expectations of what a “good” Black man is they overlook dozens of great brothas who could be husband material. It’s not about finding a man who is perfect, but finding a man who is perfect for you.

But if a sista has criteria that are ridiculously unrealistic, then she may just pass that perfect man for her right by. Not every brotha out there is going to be 6’5” with pecs, six pack abs, and work at a fortune 500 company as an executive. Remember, 70% of the people in the U.S. le are obese. The chances of a sista finding a man like this are the same chances of 5’7” XXL Shawn finding a woman who looks like a supermodel. Not gonna happen.

Now I really don’t care who Black Women out there date. If a Black woman has a relationship with a White guy based on things they have in common and he treats her right, cool. But what I’m seeing today are sistas pursuing relationships outside of their race for the absolute wrong reasons.

My fear is that many sistas are getting involved with White Males not because they are looking for love, but to spite Black men. Many lost and confused sistas have bought into the false propaganda telling them there are no single eligible Black men out there. And these frustrated sistas feel that by dating White guys they’ll show all the Black men what they’re missing.

Unfortunately, these sistas haven’t examined the content of their character and taken a moment to assess what they have to offer in a relationship with any man of any race. Instead of taking the time to do self-examination, and learning what actions they’re taking with Black men that cause their relationships to fail, they buy into propaganda telling them there’s a shortage of eligible Black men.

Because these sistas have such an unrealistic vision of romance and relationships, they falsely believe that there are no eligible single black males are available. And in their desperation they pursue White Men and men of other races for all the wrong reasons. Because sistas don’t understand like attracts like whether it’s Black or White, they don’t understand they’re setting themselves up for heartache in the future.


  1. Very interesting blog, Shawn. I have long discussed these points with others, pro and con. I know some interracial marriages that have flourished for decades. Others that were sad and destructive.

    The best bet for any marriage is to be grownup, wise and loving, which begins with God and self. Get this under your belt, and you're not likely to be mistakenly attracted.

    Greast blog.

  2. Paula does not count. If you have been with any man since you were a child, race is not a factor. Period.

    And when one parent is white, does it even matter. If it does to you, I'm sorry, then you have some self hate toward your mom or dad that you need to deal with.

    As for your blog, any woman who is pursuing a man because of his race is an idiot. And that goes for the sistas who only want a black man.

    Date by character instead of race and what people who are not paying your bills think, and you will be better off and a hell of a lot happier.

    Also, why is this a concern to you? Date the black woman that wants you, and leave the misguided to their own devices. If this woman is not dating you, where she decides to go to lay her head is none of your business.

  3. Gee, is there ever an educated black person who can be just an intellect and not a 'black intellect ...e.g., totally racial-agenda driven? I just gotta wonder what good it does you. Where your existence today allows you free education, public assistance to help you in poverty, laws to combat discrimination against you, even "black history month and your subset of billion-dollar industry hip-hop is it that you see only whips and chains and lynch mobs?

    I also wonder when you will take a real stand against whitey-devil and eliminate all inventions from your lives mostly invented by him, plus stop your financial support of white-centered media (e.g.movies you pay to see so you can publish racially critical follow-up essays ...all in the meantime that black-centered cinema and books cannot even get support without relying on levels of stereotyping today's white media couldn't dream of).

    1. Many of those inventions you claim were invented by whites were actually NOT. Whites give themselves too much credit for everything

  4. WOW! Pseudo intellectual ad-hominem attacks. Sounding so smart yet so STUPID.

    There is no educated Black person who can be just an intellect. In a White Supremacist society A Black person will always be Black first.

    There is no racil driven agenda here. Just truth.

    I'd delete the previous comment but it's so stupid I'm just going to leave it up here so that people can see how pathetic and sad the previous poster is. Intellectual racists are the worst. They use big words to cover up their stupidity but the imbecile still comes out.

  5. nice blog, It is very Informative Thanks for sharing with us
    Interracial Dating
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