Today’s blog features my first comic
script, an adaptation of the short story E'steem: No Good Deed This is my
first draft of the script and I’m still learning how to tell stories in the
comic panel format. It’s a major challenge getting the images and dialogue in
my head to fit into one solitary image for every panel, but I think I’ll get
the hang of it eventually. Enjoy!
Copyright (c) 2015 Shawn James
PAGE ONE
SPLASH
The close space of a fitting room inside one of Madison
Avenue’s designer boutiques. E’steem, a sexy sista with a fit, hourglass figure
wearing a red bra and bikini panties stands and stares at her reflection in the
full-length mirror. Her red wrap dress and designer heels lie on the fitting
room bench in the background. There’s an annoyed look on her face as she ponders-
E’steem: (thought bubble) How long does it take to find a
dress?
Title: NO GOOD DEED
PAGE TWO
PANEL ONE
Closeup on E’steem grimaces as she looks at her watch.
E’steem: (thought
bubble) The saleswoman said she’d be
right back. It’s been five minutes and she still hasn’t returned with the size
four she said was just supposed to be just on the rack-
PANEL TWO:
Medium shot, ¾
wide panel. Outside on the sales floor of a Madison Avenue designer boutique. Slow
day. One of the salesladies is working the counter and another is fishing
through dresses for E’steem’s size on a rack when-
A pair of obese hood
rats with brightly colored hair weaves, tight jeans, tight T-shirts and gaudy
multicolored sneakers kick the door in. One holds a nine, another holds a
shotgun. One woman points her pistol at the sales clerk at the register
the other aims her shotgun at the ceiling and lets off a round.
SFX (Door) BAM!
SFX (Shotgun
pointed at ceiling) BOOM!
HOODRAT: EVERYBODY GET YOUR HANDS UP! THIS IS A STICK UP!
PANEL THREE
In the fitting room a curious E’steem cocks an ear after
hearing the commotion and the store clerk’s scream.
SFX: (saleslady) AIEEGGGH!
PANEL FOUR
There’s a pissed
off look on E’steem’s face when she realizes what’s going on.
E’steem: (thought
bubble) Great. Out of all the
stores on Madison Avenue they had to rob it had to be one I was shopping in.
I’m not in the mood to be a hostage today.
PANEL FIVE
Double wide panel wide shot, outside on the sales floor. One
hoodrat has her pistol trained on the salesclerk at the counter while she’s stuffing
money from the register in a bag. While the other points her shotgun at the
saleslady near the dresses-
Hoodrat with pistol: Is there anyone else in the store?
Saleslady: N-No…
Hoodrat with shotgun: I’ma go check the back.
PAGE THREE
PANEL ONE
Double wide panel. The Hoodrat kicks in the door of the
stall of the fitting room. There’s a gradient effect while E’steem starts to
fade from sight holding her iPhone as she starts to activate her cloak.
SFX (door kicked in) BOOM!
Hoodrat #1 Is there anyone back there?”
Hoodrat: Ain’t nobody in here!
Saleswoman: There has to be someone in there! She was our
only customer!
PANEL TWO
E’steem stands in the corner of the stall on the bench with
a piqued look on her face.
E’steem: (thought bubble)
There’s some customer service for you. Rat out the only person who isn’t a
hostage.
PANEL THREE
The hoodrat with the shotgun looks around and sees nothing
unaware of the invisible E’steem in the background.
Hoodrat: WELL
SHE MUSTA LEFT! AIN’T NOTHING IN HERE BUT CLOTHES!
PANEL FOUR
The hoodrat bolts out of the fitting room unaware of the
invisible E’steem standing in the corner.
PANEL FIVE
Closeup as E’steem becomes visible again as her reflection
can be seen in the mirror. She coyly smiles as peers down at her iPhone thinking-
E’steem (Thought bubble): I
could call the police. Or I could take the law into my own hands…
PANEL SIX
E’steem gestures.
A flash of light envelops her silhouette and…
SFX: FZASH!
E’steem: RAIMENTUS CHANGEUS!
Caption: A spell is chanted. And in the place of the
attractive shopper stands-
PAGE FOUR
Splash
Caption: E’steem, The Devilish Diva! Once one of the most
feared she-demons in All Hell, She now fights on the side of the Angels.
E’steem, stands posed in front of the mirror The sultry she-demon
has long black horns jutting out of the top of her head, yellow reptile eyes,
black cloven finger and toe claws. She wears a tattered red dress and a smile
on her face.
E’steem: Time to scare some kids straight.
PAGE FIVE
PANEL ONE
Double wide panel. In the background E’steem in demon form rushes
out to the sales floor. The smiling Hoodrats are snatching a bag of money from
the saleswoman behind the counter and heading for the exit.
HOODRAT: Nice doing business with you.
PANEL TWO
The hoodrats are terrified when-
SFX FZASH!
E’steem stands in front of the door arms akimbo with a smile
on her face. A flash of light behind her to signify her teleporting.
E’steem: Excuse me,
I’m with loss prevention. Can I see your receipt for that cash in your bag?
Hoodrat: OH MY
GOD! IT’S A MONSTER!
Caption: Demon
I’m a demon. Don’t they ever see the horns?
PANEL THREE
One of the terrified
Hoodrats fires her pistol at E’steem. Bullets bounce off her chest as the
charging E’steem who smiles and reaches for her gun and-
Hoodrat with
shotgun: SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!
E’steem: Just
like a human kill what you don’t understand.
PANEL FOUR
Closeup on E’steem’s hands. She crumples the gun like paper.
SFX: CRUMP!
Panel FIVE
Side view of both women as they look at each other. The
taller E’steem smiles as she looks down at the terrified Hodrat and asks-
E’steem: Do you want to give up now?
PANEL SIX
Hoodrat swings at E’steem as her flight or fight response
kicks in. E’steem blocks the blow and-
Hoodrat: You’re not gonna take me to Hell!
PANEL SEVEN
The scared hoodrat catches a backhand slap from an
indifferent E’steem that sends her to the floor.
SFX: SMACK!
PANEL SIX
E’steem peers down at the fallen hoodrat who slumps under
the sales counter, smirks, and tells her-
E’steem: Hell? I was going to let the police take you to
jail.
PAGE SIX
PANEL ONE
Saleswomen react to the action. They’re gasped in awe of
E’steem’s feat of strength.
Saleswoman #1 Did you see that? She knocked her out with a
slap to the face!
PANEL TWO
A smiling E’steem looks over at the hoodrat with the shotgun
and asks-
E’steem: Now are
you going to atone for your sins? Or am I going to have to smite you?
PANEL THREE
SFX KACHICK!
Nervous, the hoodrat cocks her shotgun in defiance and
points it at the heads of one of the saleswomen. E’steem’s
body is frozen in an aggressive stance.
Hoodrat: Don’t
come near me! She barks. “I’ll blow their heads off!
PANEL FOUR
Closeup of
E’steem’s face as she smiles at the girl
E’steem: I’m not
moving.
PANEL FIVE
Closeup on the
Hoodrats’ multicolored weave smoke starts to starts to smolder.
Caption: And I
don’t have to. I have such precise control over Hellfire I can make it ignite pyrokinetically.
PAGE SEVEN
PANEL ONE
Flames full on
the hoodrats head. She drops her shotgun and is flailing around like a chicken
with its head cut off. Saleslady in the background picks up the shotgun
SFX: FWASH!
Hoodrat: “AAAAHHHHH!!!!
MY WEAVE!”
PANEL TWO
And the hoodrat
has wide eyes when she’s staring down the barrel of her shotgun. Her hands are
on the back of her head trying to put out the fire.
Saleslady: ALRIGHT!
ON YOUR KNEES AND PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!
Hoodrat: But-but
my hair is on fire!
Saleslady ON YOUR
KNEES!
PANEL THREE
Hoodrat has
tears in her eyes as she’s on her knees. E’steem takes a bottle of water off
the counter and pours water on the girl’s weave to put out the fire and laughs.
E’steem: Big cryaby.
PANEL FOUR
Women smile
expressing their gratitude to E’steem
Saleslady: Thank
you so much for saving our lives Miss.”
E’steem Why
you’re welcome. I couldn’t have crooks robbing my favorite store.”
Saleslady#2 Well,
the next time you come in, we’ll make sure to give you our employee discount on
anything in the store.”
PANEL FIVE
E’steem smiles
pondering what she’ll buy with her discount as she talks to the saleswomen.
Caption: That
reward would sure help me in buying that little black dress I was trying on a
few minutes ago.
E’steem Er…Don’t
you have a customer in the back?”
Saleslady #1I
forgot all about her!”
PANEL SIX
A flash of light
shows E’steem teleporting as one of the Salesladies rushes off the salesfloor
PAGE EIGHT
PANEL ONE
E’steem reappear
in the fitting room in her underwear. A flash of light behind her to signify
her teleporting.
Saleswoman:
MISS? MISS ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
SFX: Rapp! Rapp!
PANEL TWO
E’steem stands
in the doorway of the fitting room in her red wrap dress and heels with a nervous
smile on her face.
E’steem: I’m
fine.
Saleslady: I
thought she’d gotten to you-
E’steem: She
would have gotten to me, but when I heard the commotion, I grabbed my cell phone,
ran into another fitting room and called 911.
PANEL THREE
E’steem gives
the saleslady a curious look.
Saleswoman: Just
be glad you stayed in here. You didn’t have to see the demon!
E’steem: Demon?”
PANEL FOUR
E’steem has an
engaged look on her face as she listens to the story.
Yes, a tall
Black woman in a raggedy red dress with yellow snake eyes, horns, and black
claws.
E’steem: Wow.
She sounds scary.
Saleslady I’d
say she was. She bent steel like it was paper, and set the other one’s hair on
fire.”
E’steem: I doubt
they’ll ever pull another stick-up again.
She sure scared
them straight.
PANEL FIVE
There’s an eager
look on E’steem’s face as she anticipates her reward.
E’steem: So do
you have the size four in the little black dress?
There’s a befuddled
one on the saleslady’s face.
Saleslady Oh…I
was coming back here to tell you that we’re all out of your size. I’m sorry.
PANEL SIX
Shrugged
shoulders and a playful smile on E’steem’s face as she looks to the readers and
tells them-
Nice script Shawn. I have a question. Are are going to make a single issue floppy or a graphic novel?
ReplyDeletePlanning a graphic novel. Possibly a series of them.
ReplyDelete