Today’s blog features my first comic script, an adaptation of the short story E'steem: No Good Deed This is my first draft of the script and I’m still learning how to tell stories in the comic panel format. It’s a major challenge getting the images and dialogue in my head to fit into one solitary image for every panel, but I think I’ll get the hang of it eventually. Enjoy!
Copyright (c) 2015 Shawn James
The close space of a fitting room inside one of Madison Avenue’s designer boutiques. E’steem, a sexy sista with a fit, hourglass figure wearing a red bra and bikini panties stands and stares at her reflection in the full-length mirror. Her red wrap dress and designer heels lie on the fitting room bench in the background. There’s an annoyed look on her face as she ponders-
E’steem: (thought bubble) How long does it take to find a dress?
Title: NO GOOD DEED
Closeup on E’steem grimaces as she looks at her watch.
E’steem: (thought bubble) The saleswoman said she’d be right back. It’s been five minutes and she still hasn’t returned with the size four she said was just supposed to be just on the rack-
Medium shot, ¾ wide panel. Outside on the sales floor of a Madison Avenue designer boutique. Slow day. One of the salesladies is working the counter and another is fishing through dresses for E’steem’s size on a rack when-
A pair of obese hood rats with brightly colored hair weaves, tight jeans, tight T-shirts and gaudy multicolored sneakers kick the door in. One holds a nine, another holds a shotgun. One woman points her pistol at the sales clerk at the register the other aims her shotgun at the ceiling and lets off a round.
SFX (Door) BAM!
SFX (Shotgun pointed at ceiling) BOOM!
HOODRAT: EVERYBODY GET YOUR HANDS UP! THIS IS A STICK UP!
In the fitting room a curious E’steem cocks an ear after hearing the commotion and the store clerk’s scream.
SFX: (saleslady) AIEEGGGH!
There’s a pissed off look on E’steem’s face when she realizes what’s going on.
E’steem: (thought bubble) Great. Out of all the stores on Madison Avenue they had to rob it had to be one I was shopping in. I’m not in the mood to be a hostage today.
Double wide panel wide shot, outside on the sales floor. One hoodrat has her pistol trained on the salesclerk at the counter while she’s stuffing money from the register in a bag. While the other points her shotgun at the saleslady near the dresses-
Hoodrat with pistol: Is there anyone else in the store?
Hoodrat with shotgun: I’ma go check the back.
Double wide panel. The Hoodrat kicks in the door of the stall of the fitting room. There’s a gradient effect while E’steem starts to fade from sight holding her iPhone as she starts to activate her cloak.
SFX (door kicked in) BOOM!
Hoodrat #1 Is there anyone back there?”
Hoodrat: Ain’t nobody in here!
Saleswoman: There has to be someone in there! She was our only customer!
E’steem stands in the corner of the stall on the bench with a piqued look on her face.
E’steem: (thought bubble) There’s some customer service for you. Rat out the only person who isn’t a hostage.
The hoodrat with the shotgun looks around and sees nothing unaware of the invisible E’steem in the background.
Hoodrat: WELL SHE MUSTA LEFT! AIN’T NOTHING IN HERE BUT CLOTHES!
The hoodrat bolts out of the fitting room unaware of the invisible E’steem standing in the corner.
Closeup as E’steem becomes visible again as her reflection can be seen in the mirror. She coyly smiles as peers down at her iPhone thinking-
E’steem (Thought bubble): I could call the police. Or I could take the law into my own hands…
E’steem gestures. A flash of light envelops her silhouette and…
E’steem: RAIMENTUS CHANGEUS!
Caption: A spell is chanted. And in the place of the attractive shopper stands-
Caption: E’steem, The Devilish Diva! Once one of the most feared she-demons in All Hell, She now fights on the side of the Angels.
E’steem, stands posed in front of the mirror The sultry she-demon has long black horns jutting out of the top of her head, yellow reptile eyes, black cloven finger and toe claws. She wears a tattered red dress and a smile on her face.
E’steem: Time to scare some kids straight.
Double wide panel. In the background E’steem in demon form rushes out to the sales floor. The smiling Hoodrats are snatching a bag of money from the saleswoman behind the counter and heading for the exit.
HOODRAT: Nice doing business with you.
The hoodrats are terrified when-
E’steem stands in front of the door arms akimbo with a smile on her face. A flash of light behind her to signify her teleporting.
E’steem: Excuse me, I’m with loss prevention. Can I see your receipt for that cash in your bag?
Hoodrat: OH MY GOD! IT’S A MONSTER!
Caption: Demon I’m a demon. Don’t they ever see the horns?
One of the terrified Hoodrats fires her pistol at E’steem. Bullets bounce off her chest as the charging E’steem who smiles and reaches for her gun and-
Hoodrat with shotgun: SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!
E’steem: Just like a human kill what you don’t understand.
Closeup on E’steem’s hands. She crumples the gun like paper.
Side view of both women as they look at each other. The taller E’steem smiles as she looks down at the terrified Hodrat and asks-
E’steem: Do you want to give up now?
Hoodrat swings at E’steem as her flight or fight response kicks in. E’steem blocks the blow and-
Hoodrat: You’re not gonna take me to Hell!
The scared hoodrat catches a backhand slap from an indifferent E’steem that sends her to the floor.
E’steem peers down at the fallen hoodrat who slumps under the sales counter, smirks, and tells her-
E’steem: Hell? I was going to let the police take you to jail.
Saleswomen react to the action. They’re gasped in awe of E’steem’s feat of strength.
Saleswoman #1 Did you see that? She knocked her out with a slap to the face!
A smiling E’steem looks over at the hoodrat with the shotgun and asks-
E’steem: Now are you going to atone for your sins? Or am I going to have to smite you?
Nervous, the hoodrat cocks her shotgun in defiance and points it at the heads of one of the saleswomen. E’steem’s body is frozen in an aggressive stance.
Hoodrat: Don’t come near me! She barks. “I’ll blow their heads off!
Closeup of E’steem’s face as she smiles at the girl
E’steem: I’m not moving.
Closeup on the Hoodrats’ multicolored weave smoke starts to starts to smolder.
Caption: And I don’t have to. I have such precise control over Hellfire I can make it ignite pyrokinetically.
Flames full on the hoodrats head. She drops her shotgun and is flailing around like a chicken with its head cut off. Saleslady in the background picks up the shotgun
Hoodrat: “AAAAHHHHH!!!! MY WEAVE!”
And the hoodrat has wide eyes when she’s staring down the barrel of her shotgun. Her hands are on the back of her head trying to put out the fire.
Saleslady: ALRIGHT! ON YOUR KNEES AND PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!
Hoodrat: But-but my hair is on fire!
Saleslady ON YOUR KNEES!
Hoodrat has tears in her eyes as she’s on her knees. E’steem takes a bottle of water off the counter and pours water on the girl’s weave to put out the fire and laughs.
E’steem: Big cryaby.
Women smile expressing their gratitude to E’steem
Saleslady: Thank you so much for saving our lives Miss.”
E’steem Why you’re welcome. I couldn’t have crooks robbing my favorite store.”
Saleslady#2 Well, the next time you come in, we’ll make sure to give you our employee discount on anything in the store.”
E’steem smiles pondering what she’ll buy with her discount as she talks to the saleswomen.
Caption: That reward would sure help me in buying that little black dress I was trying on a few minutes ago.
E’steem Er…Don’t you have a customer in the back?”
Saleslady #1I forgot all about her!”
A flash of light shows E’steem teleporting as one of the Salesladies rushes off the salesfloor
E’steem reappear in the fitting room in her underwear. A flash of light behind her to signify her teleporting.
Saleswoman: MISS? MISS ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
SFX: Rapp! Rapp!
E’steem stands in the doorway of the fitting room in her red wrap dress and heels with a nervous smile on her face.
E’steem: I’m fine.
Saleslady: I thought she’d gotten to you-
E’steem: She would have gotten to me, but when I heard the commotion, I grabbed my cell phone, ran into another fitting room and called 911.
E’steem gives the saleslady a curious look.
Saleswoman: Just be glad you stayed in here. You didn’t have to see the demon!
E’steem has an engaged look on her face as she listens to the story.
Yes, a tall Black woman in a raggedy red dress with yellow snake eyes, horns, and black claws.
E’steem: Wow. She sounds scary.
Saleslady I’d say she was. She bent steel like it was paper, and set the other one’s hair on fire.”
E’steem: I doubt they’ll ever pull another stick-up again.
She sure scared them straight.
There’s an eager look on E’steem’s face as she anticipates her reward.
E’steem: So do you have the size four in the little black dress?
There’s a befuddled one on the saleslady’s face.
Saleslady Oh…I was coming back here to tell you that we’re all out of your size. I’m sorry.
Shrugged shoulders and a playful smile on E’steem’s face as she looks to the readers and tells them-