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Monday, November 17, 2014

Simpin and Trickin in Archie Comics

Archie Comics feature clean wholesome adventures of kids in a town called Riverdale. Unfortunately what belies the surface of those kid-friendly comics featuring humorous teen hi-jinks are a series of dysfunctional social messages about dating and relationships.

All throughout Archie Comics is a whole lot of Simpin and a whole lot of Trickin. What is a SIMP? A Simp is a man who submits to a woman in the hopes of winning her favor and never asks her having to bring anything to the table.

While a Trick is a guy who pays to spend time with women in the hopes of getting sex out of her but never gets it. In most of the Archie comics published almost all of the male characters like Archie, Reggie Moose, and Dilton Simp and Trick when they interact with the female characters like Betty, Veronica and Midge.

And Archie Andrews is one of the all-time SIMP ICONS. If there was a SIMP Hall of Fame ol’ Arch would have a bust made of gold in the main hall right next to his comic book SIMP contemporaries Superman and Thanos.

When it comes to women, Archie is so thirsty you wonder if he’s living in the Mojave desert not Riverdale. Archie is so desperate for female attention he sacrifices his intangibles such as his dignity, self-respect and self-worth just to get anything in a skirt to look at him. And what’s really sad is most of the average girls Archie chases won’t even give him a phone number. He thinks he looks cool chasing women, but in most cases he looks like a SUCKER when it comes to the opposite sex.

What makes Archie a SIMP Hall of Famer most of all is his relationship with his girlfriend Veronica Lodge. Archie is the first to submit to Veronica even though she brings nothing to the table in terms of character. Sure Veronica is rich. But she never offers the intangibles a man wants in a relationship with a woman.

In 75 years of Archie Comics, Archie has never once checked Veronica’s ratchet behavior and clear disrespect of him. No matter how out-of-pocket Veronica acts, Archie just sits there and puts up with it.

And in spite of all of Veronica’s disrespect Archie still tricks off all his money on her. He’ll spend his last $20 he earned working part-time at Pop Tate’s Chock’ lit shop on dates with Veronica hoping, wishing, and praying for a chance to get in her panties. Then beg his dad for an increase in his allowance Monday morning so he can get gas to put in his car to go to school.

What’s sad is for all the money Archie drops on dinners, movies, and trips to the club he never gets a chance at even a peek of Veronica’s thong.

And the main reason why Archie is in the SIMP Hall of Fame is because he deals with Veronica on HER TERMS. Because he deals with Veronica on HER TERMS she winds up giving her LEVERAGE in their relationship. And Veronica uses that leverage to control ol’ Arch like one of the remote control car from the defunct Archie’s R/C Racers series.

Since Archie does not put himself FIRST Veronica does not make him a priority. Because he puts her ABOVE HIM Veronica sees him as just another one of the TOOLS she uses to get dinners, movies, and trips to the club with. And because ol’ Archie’s intoxicated by the fumes from Veronica’s pussy farts, he can’t WAKE UP and see the GAME being run on him.

Even worse is the fact that he ignores women who are ready to show him respect and cooperation like Betty Cooper. Betty is ready to bring all the intangibles a man wants in a relationship to the table for Archie and he blows her off. But Poor Simp Archie is so strung out by Veronica Lodge’s pussy farts, he can’t see that Betty is ready to be a part of his program and is ready to work with him on his terms.

Archie’s relationship with Veronica is the model of what NOT to do when it comes to women. And sadly many kids grow up not understanding that the paradigm Archie follows is one that is destined to wind up in FAILURE in REAL LIFE.

The only person who follows an even more dysfunctional SIMP paradigm for relationships is Archie’s rival Reggie Mantle. Reggie is the White Knight of Riverdale. Whenever Archie fucks up on a date with Veronica, Reggie is waiting in the distance hoping to rush in on his white horse and save the damsel in distress.

Even though she doesn’t want to be saved.

Reggie Mantle is the White Knight with a black heart. He never understands how ignoble he is pursuing women like Veronica and Midge who are already in relationships. Caught up in his own delusions of superiority instilled in him from birth he’s always bragging about he’s the “better choice” for Veronica and Midge then gets upset when women he wants to date won’t give him the time of day.

If you really look at it, Reggie is Riverdale’s biggest pussy beggar. Driving around in his expensive cars, showing off his widgets and wearing fancy clothes he’s trying WAY TOO HARD looking to get the attention of AVERAGE females who clearly aren’t available. And instead of realizing that women like Midge and Veronica are taken and pursuing women who are already available, he continues to try to do more of the same with the same unavailable females hoping, wishing, and praying he can get whatever crumbs fall from the table.

Not understanding that he’s wasting precious TIME he can’t get back. Time he could be using to pursue females who are readily available and will bring something to the table.

The only person more pathetic than Reggie is Moose. This Power Simp is always getting emotional when he sees another dude talking to his woman and looking to fight guys like Reggie who make moves on his woman Midge.

Moose always looks to the guys and never takes a minute to check Midge’s response to them. If he were smart, he’d be checking Midge for receiving Reggie’s advances not beating up Reggie for making them.

What makes Moose a big dummy is the fact that he’s so busy fighting over a female who clearly shows she’s not committed to him and not showing him any respect. Midge shows Moose numerous levels of disrespect by entertaining dude like Reggie, but because he has no sense of self-confidence or self-worth he is he keeps going back to her. Poor Moose isn’t smart enough to understand if a woman will make efforts to cheat with dudes like Reggie she should be charged to the game ASAP and he should keep it moving.

When you look at the World of Archie it’s clearly dysfunctional. And what’s even crazier about Archie Comics is how boys like Jughead Jones who express healthy masculine behavior are depicted as weird and strange and the model for what NOT to be.

Clearly Jughead is the model for what a boy should aspire to be like when he becomes a man. All of his behaviors are what healthy, functional boys participate in. 

Jughead puts himself FIRST. Yeah, Jughead will be there for a friend like Archie. But Jughead’s business is always put above everyone else’s. Jughead lives life on Jughead’s terms and does whatever the hell he wants. That’s why you gotta respect Jughead.

And when it comes to women, he puts them LAST. DEAD LAST. If they don’t fit into his program, he has no TIME for them.

This is the main reason women like Betty and Big Ethel put him first and offer him respect and cooperation that SIMPS like Archie and Manginas like Reggie won’t get. Ladies are always ready to bring things to Jughead’s table. And because he’s smart he gets a reciprocal exchange for his time with them. If the ladies want something from him, he makes sure he gets offer him burgers, cakes, or cash in return for his time. With Jughead, you pay to play.

Jughead is focused on his own interests. Whatever his passion is whether it be burgers or some other hobby he puts it FIRST Jughead understands his TIME is precious and he spends it doing things to benefit him and he works towards getting his goals met.

And when it comes to money, Jughead is a HUSTLER. In a lot of Archie Comics people say Jughead is shown as lazy. But when it comes to making money, Jughead is second to none. Jughead finds ways to make money even Archie can’t think of. When he helps people out he finds some way to make it WORK FOR HIM instead of working for someone else.

Jughead takes no shit from females. When Chicks like Veronica start acting disrespectful and ratchet he makes no hesitation to check them right then and there. 

And he doesn’t take shit from dudes either. When Manginas like Reggie try to use tricks like their paradox traps and head games to front and fake, Jughead is right there to check them and let them know it’s not gonna go.

Jughead only works with females on his terms. When women like Betty come to Jughead they have to do things by his rules. Again, he makes sure he gets a reciprocal exchange for his time.

Personally, I think Jughead holds back for Archie’s sake. Archie thinks he’s the man when it comes to females, but from what I’ve read in Archie comics Jughead probably knows more about them women Archie does. In a lot of cases I think he’s looking out for him to make sure he doesn’t get played by Veronica or shown up by Reggie.

Archie comics are great reading for all ages. But readers have to watch the messages hidden between the lines of all the teen antics and hi-jinks. Archie comics are a lot of fun, but most of the behavior modeled in them regarding dating and relationships is dysfunctional and shouldn’t be copied by anyone. Parents, let your boys read Archie comics for entertainment but PLEASE take the time to teach them about the real world of dating so they won’t fall into the vicious cycle of Simpin and Trickin. 


  1. How can you leave out poor Chuck Clayton? Aside from 2 dates with other now MIA black females-Chuck has never been seen without Nancy. He has never cheated on her or looked at any other girl in 40 years.

    Yet if you read Archie Afterlife-Nancy is cheating on him with a female and he doesn't know it. The female in question is Ginger and she's Latino.

    Interesting enough Chuck is the only Archie guy to never be in a interracial relationship. Even Betty has had black boyfriends (one was recolored in her series back in 1993 according to McDuffie).

  2. I can remember watching some Archie cartoons on television and it made me wonder about how several stories are based on Archie's inability to decide which girl should he settle with. Not only that Jughead seems to be one of the few characters who actually has a girlfriend and he sometimes runs away from her.

  3. Left Chuck out because he is not a Simp or a Trick.

    Nancy Cheating on Chuck with another female Damn. Just Damn.

    I guess they didn't want Betty to go Black because she'd never go back. That and well, it'd turn off a lot of Archie readers.

    Before Ginger there was Maria in the 1970s and Early 1980s. She kinda dropped off the face of the earth in the Archieverse. If you get a vintage Double Digest she'll pop up.

    Ad that's what sells Archie comics. So he'll never choose. Jughead has girlfriends but insists on getting involved with women who bring something to his table like Bettty. The only reason he avoids Big Ethel is because she brings nothing to the table, is bossy and controlling.

  4. Thanos a SIMP?! Well, I guess so but his biatch was Death. That's some high-level trickin'.