Monday, September 3, 2018

E'steem: No Good Deed Comic Script Second Draft

  

I spent part of Sunday night revising the E’steem: No Good Deed Comic script. While the first draft got ideas on paper, it wouldn’t translate well into pictures. 

Working with comic artists like Bill Walko and Mike Williams designing book covers for Isis, E’steem, and John Haynes series books I’m starting to get the hang of comic writing. And as I design those covers I’m starting to really understand how to get my pictures to tell a story.  

Comics are a visual medium. And every picture on the page has to move the story forward. With this revision I think the pictures tell a much clearer story than the first draft I did a few years ago. I think if an artist had to work with this version of the script they could see how to place the panels towards telling the story and how to move the action. Comic writing is VERY different than novel or screenwriting and I’m starting to figure out the quirks.

This script still needs a lot of work, but I’m learning a lot from reading comic scripts. I’m hoping to get to the point where I can develop a couple of Isis series books into full comic scripts for an Isis graphic novel. I’d love to raise funds through patreon and indiegogo for one soon. But before I can do that I have to make sure any script I write is on point.    

E’steem: NO GOOD DEED
By Shawn James
Copyright © 2013,  2018 Shawn James



PAGE ONE
SPLASH

The close space of a fitting room inside one of Madison Avenue’s designer boutiques. E’steem, a sexy sista with a fit, hourglass figure wearing a red lace bra and matching bikini panties stands and stares at her reflection in the full-length mirror. Her red wrap dress and designer heels lie on the fitting room bench in the background. There’s an annoyed look on her face as she ponders-

E’steem: (thought bubble) How long does it take to find a dress?


Title: NO GOOD DEED



PAGE TWO

PANEL ONE
E’steem grimaces as she looks at her watch.
E’steem: (thought bubble) The saleswoman said she’d be right back. It’s been five minutes and she still hasn’t returned with the size four she said was just supposed to be just on the rack-

PANEL TWO:
¾ ESTABLISHING SHOT
The sales floor of a Madison Avenue designer boutique. Slow day. One of the salesladies is working the counter and another is fishing through dresses for E’steem’s size on a rack when A pair of obese hood rats with brightly colored hair weaves, tight jeans, tight T-shirts and gaudy multicolored sneakers kick the door in. One holds a nine, another holds a shotgun. 
SFX (Door) BAM!
SFX (Shotgun pointed at ceiling) BOOM!
HOODRAT#1: EVERYBODY GET YOUR HANDS UP! THIS IS A STICK UP!

PANEL THREE
One woman points her pistol at the sales clerk at the register the other aims her shotgun at the ceiling and lets off a round.
HOODRAT #2: GIMME ALL THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER NOW!

PANEL FOUR
In the fitting room E’steem cocks an ear after hearing gunshot.
E’steem: (thought bubble) Great. Out of all the stores on Madison Avenue they had to rob it had to be one I was shopping in.


PAGE THREE
PANEL ONE
ESTABLISHING SHOT
Outside on the sales floor. One hoodrat has her pistol trained on the salesclerks at the counter while she’s stuffing money from the register in a bag. While the other points her shotgun is walking towards the area with a sign above that says FITTING ROOMS.
Hoodrat#1: Is there anybody else in the store?
Saleslady: N-No…
Hoodrat #2 with shotgun: I’ma go check the back.

PANEL TWO
E’steem is peering down at her iPhone as-
E’steem (Thought bubble) Better cloak out. I’m not in the mood to be a hostage today.

PANEL THREE
ESTABLISHING SHOT
The Hoodrat rushes down the hall-

PANEL FOUR
And kicks in the door of the stall of the fitting room. There’s a gradient effect while E’steem starts to fade from sight.
SFX (door kicked in) BOOM!
HOODRAT #1 (Off panel) ANYBODY BACK THERE?

PANEL FIVE
CLOSE UP
Hoodrat looks around the fitting room
Hoodrat: Ain’t nobody in here!

PANEL SIX
A nervous Saleswoman on the sales floor with a gun on her.
Saleswoman: There has to be someone in there! She was our only customer!

PANEL SEVEN
E’steem stands in the corner of the stall in her underwear with a frown on her face.
E’steem: (thought bubble) There’s some customer service for you. Rat out the only person who isn’t a hostage.


PAGE FOUR
PANEL ONE
The hoodrat with the shotgun peers down at E’steem’s red wrap dress and heels unaware of the invisible E’steem in the background.
Hoodrat: WELL SHE MUSTA LEFT! AIN’T NOTHING IN HERE BUT CLOTHES!

PANEL TWO
As the hoodrat bolts out of the fitting room with her shotgun, E’steem becomes visible again.

PANEL THREE
CLOSE UP
E’steem wickedly smiles as peers down at her iPhone thinking-
E’steem (Thought bubble): I could call the police to bust up this little robbery. Or I could take the law into my own hands…

PANEL FOUR
E’steem gestures like she’s casting a spell.
E’steem: RAIMENTUS CHANGEUS!

PANEL FIVE
A flash of light envelops her silhouette and…
SFX: FZASH!
Caption: A spell is chanted. And in the place of the attractive shopper stands-


PAGE FIVE
SPLASH PAGE

Caption: E’steem, The Devilish Diva! Once one of the most feared she-demons in All Hell, She now fights on the side of the Angels.

E’steem, stands posed in front of the mirror The sultry she-demon has long black horns jutting out of the top of her head, yellow reptile eyes, black cloven finger and toe claws. She wears a tattered red dress and a smile on her face.

E’steem: Time to scare some kids straight.



PAGE SIX

PANEL ONE
ESTABLSHING SHOT
One of the smiling Hoodrats is snatching a bag of money from the saleswoman behind the counter. As they head for the door-
HOODRAT: Nice doing business with you.

PANEL TWO
The scared hoodrats are stopped by when A flash of light in the form of a female silhouette.
SFX FZASH!

PANEL THREE
E’steem stands in front of the door arms akimbo with a smile on her face. A flash of light behind her to signify her teleporting.
E’steem: Excuse me, I’m with loss prevention. Can I see your receipt for that cash in your bag?
Hoodrat#2: OH MY GOD! IT’S A MONSTER!

PANEL FOUR
CLOSE UP
E’steem smirks E’steem: (thought bubble) Demon I’m a demon. Don’t they ever see the horns?

PANEL FIVE
One of the terrified Hoodrats aims her pistol at E’steem.
Hoodrat #1 SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT!

PANEL SIX
Bullets bounce off E’steem’s large breasts. E’steem smiles and reaches for her gun and-
E’steem: Just like a human kill what you don’t understand.



PAGE SEVEN
PANEL ONE
And snatches it away. The women’s eyes are wide as-

PANEL TWO
Closeup on E’steem’s black clawed hands. She crumples the gun like paper.
SFX: CRUMP!

Panel THREE
E’steem smiles as she tosses the crumpled gun over her shoulder and looks at the terrified Hoodrat asking-
E’steem: Do you want to give up now?

PANEL FOUR
Hoodrat#1 swings at E’steem as her flight or fight response kicks in. E’steem dodges the blow.
Hoodrat #1 : You’re not gonna take me to Hell! 

PANEL FIVE
The scared hoodrat catches a backhand slap from an indifferent E’steem that sends her to the floor.
SFX: SMACK!

PANEL SIX
E’steem peers down at the fallen hoodrat smirks, and tells her-
E’steem: Hell? I was going to let the police take you to jail.



PAGE EIGHT

PANEL ONE
Saleswomen react to the action. They’re gasped in awe of E’steem’s feat of strength.
Saleswoman #1 Did you see that? She knocked her out with a slap to the face!

PANEL TWO
A smiling E’steem looks over at the hoodrat with the shotgun and asks-
E’steem: Now are you going to atone for your sins? Or am I going to have to smite you?

PANEL THREE
SFX KACHICK!
Nervous, the Hoodrat #2 cocks her shotgun in defiance and points it at the heads of one of the saleswomen. E’steem’s body is frozen in an aggressive stance.
Hoodrat #2: Don’t come near me! She barks. “I’ll blow their heads off!

PANEL FOUR
A tense stand off as E’steem looks across the room, smiles at the girl and tells her-
E’steem: I’m not moving.

PANEL FIVE
Closeup on the Hoodrats’ multicolored weave starting to smolder.

PANEL SIX
Smoke turns to fire. The Hoodrat’s eyes grow wide as she smells-



PAGE NINE
PANEL ONE
Flames full on the hoodrats head. She drops her shotgun and is flailing around like a chicken with its head cut off. Saleslady in the background picks up the shotgun
SFX: FWASH!
Hoodrat: “AAAAHHHHH!!!! MY WEAVE!”

PANEL TWO
…And the hoodrat has wide eyes when she’s staring down the barrel of her shotgun. Her hands are on the back of her head trying to put out the fire.

Saleslady: ALRIGHT! ON YOUR KNEES AND PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!
Hoodrat: But-but my hair is on fire!
Saleslady ON YOUR KNEES!

PANEL THREE
Hoodrat has tears in her eyes as she’s on her knees. E’steem takes a bottle of water off the counter and pours water on the girl’s weave to put out the fire and laughs.
E’steem: Big cryaby.

PANEL FOUR
Women smile expressing their gratitude to E’steem.
Saleslady: Thank you so much for saving our lives Miss.
E’steem Why you’re welcome. I couldn’t have crooks robbing my favorite store.

PANEL FIVE
Salesladies express their gratitude to E’steem. E’steem smiles pondering what she’ll buy with her discount.
Saleslady#2 Well, the next time you come in, we’ll make sure to give you our employee discount on anything in the store.”
E’steem (thought bubble): That reward would sure help me in buying that little black dress I was trying on a few minutes ago.
E’steem Er…Don’t you have a customer in the back?”
Saleslady #1 I forgot all about her!”



PAGE TEN
PANEL ONE
A flash of light shows E’steem teleporting as one of the Salesladies rushes off the salesfloor.

PANEL TWO
E’steem reappears in the fitting room in her underwear. A flash of light behind her to signify her teleporting.

PANEL THREE
Saleswoman outside the door.
Saleswoman: MISS? MISS ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
SFX: Rapp! Rapp!

PANEL FOUR
E’steem stands in the doorway of the fitting room next to the one she’s in in her red wrap dress and heels with a nervous smile on her face.
E’steem: I’m fine.

PANEL FIVE
A nervous saleslady looks over at E’steem-
Saleslady: I thought she’d gotten to you-
E’steem: She would’ve, but when I heard the gunshot, I grabbed my cell phone, ran into another fitting room and called 911.
Saleswoman: Just be glad you stayed in here. You didn’t have to see the demon!

PANEL SIX
E’steem gives the saleslady a curious look.
E’steem: Demon?”


PAGE ELEVEN
PANEL ONE
E’steem has an engaged look on her face as she listens to the story.
Yes, a tall Black woman in a raggedy red dress with yellow snake eyes, horns, and black claws.
E’steem: Wow. She sounds scary.

PANEL TWO
An excited saleslady tells her story to E’steem.
Saleslady I’d say she was. She bent steel like it was paper, and set the other one’s hair on fire.
E’steem: I doubt they’ll ever pull another stick-up again.
Saleslady: She sure scared them straight.

PANEL THREE
There’s an eager look on E’steem’s face as she anticipates her reward.
E’steem: So do you have the size four in the little black dress?

PANEL FOUR
There’s a befuddled one on the saleslady’s face.
Saleslady Oh…I was coming back here to tell you that we’re all out of your size. I’m sorry.

PANEL FIVE
Shrugged shoulders and a playful smile on E’steem’s face as she looks to the readers and tells them-
E’steem: {Thought bubble} I save the day and I still don’t get the dress I wanted to buy. I guess no good deed goes unpunished.

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