SIMPIN IN THE SUMMERTIME

Summer is here in the South Bronx. Good Gravy, I hate this time of year. Why?

Here in NYC all the SIMPS come out in the summertime. And they’re easy to spot. They’ve blown all their income tax money on all sorts of peacock shit to show off to the females like 22 inch chromed wheels on their SUVs, and a boomin sound system which they crank up for the whole block to hear.

These fools think they’re cool. They think they’re players. They think they’re attracting all the ladies to them. What they don’t know is all they’re doing is attracting all the hoodrats and chicken heads in the neighborhood with their BAITMOBILES. When they see those cars with the shiny rims, and boomin speakers, those predators now know that the chump driving it has a little change and that they’re STUPID enough to trick it off on them.

Come winter time, these same chumps will be taking the bus. He’ll have to sell that fly ride because the sexy summertime hottie he was eager to get with announce she’s about to become his Baby Mama in the fall. What most Simps don’t know is chicks who ride shotgun are looking for access to a dude’s pockets. That’s why you strap up with the jimmy hats (condoms) during the summertime.

In addition to the cars and the boomin sound system are all the SIMPS running around in brand new Air Jordan sneakers. Some have two or three pairs to really show how much of a “baller” they are.

Again, pure peacock behavior. Letting all the gold-diggers, chicken heads and hoodrats know a SIMP has arrived and is has fat pockets ready to be picked through trickin. All a female has to do with a chump like this is whisper some sweet nothings in his ear and he’ll be ready to hand over all his little leftover tax refund money or his summer job money like the sucker he is. Then beg borrow and steal to get on the bus.

Along with the Simps are the Pussy Beggars. There are several categories of these assholes and they just make living here in the Bronx more fucking miserable than the heat here in the Summertime.

Like the Bitch-Made™ fool who decides to take his pit bull out and walk it without the leash. This fool thinks he looks tough. That he has swag. That he’s a badass. That all the girls are going to see him and swoon over his narrow behind. It’s Male attention whoring at its finest.

Usually this fool saunters down the block with his shirt off, shorts sagging and his dog trailing behind his scrawny ass. He doesn’t care that his animal is broiling in ninety degree heat. Nor does he care about its safety. All he cares about are the looks from the females he thinks are checking him out.

Not understanding his whole display is just him trying too hard. He’s repelled everybody with his attempt to play bad boy. Some people like myself are actually laughing at his goofy ass.

Another variation of this same fool can be seen riding along the Grand Concourse on a bike on the Sidewalk or carrying a boom box with a group of fellas here in the South Bronx. Again, more guys trying too hard and not knowing how STUPID they look. Especially the dudes riding their daughter’s pink bicycle.

Then there are the dudes running up and down the block in the sagging shorts. And when I say saggin I mean with the butt cheeks exposed and all their draws showing. I truly hate this new trend of boys wearing pants hanging off their asses with their backside of their draws exposed. They look like male prostitutes selling ass in Greenwich Village.

But to hear them tell it, they’re badass thugs. If only they could hear the laughter. Maybe when one or two of them get propositioned by some Gay dudes or some ex-cons fresh out the pen looking for some booty maybe They’ll stop showing their butt cheeks to the world.

Then there are the Thirsty dudes. Really they’re Chumps with no people skills, no style, and no game. They come out on the street in sweat stained tank tops and shorts off their ass trying to step to neighborhood females. They think calling out to a woman like a dog means she has to talk to them. They thing saying things like “YO, COME HERE” and making Kissing sounds (I Kid you NOT I saw a Latino guy in a Mercedes do this!) means that some woman actually has to respond to them.

Dumbassses.

These dudes are so thirsty they have their tongues hanging out of their mouths like hungry dogs. They think they have game, but they need to be smacked on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

One of the most dangerous categories of Summertime SIMP are the Bitch-Made ™ Manginas. These are the guys who come from female headed households and can’t handle the basics of life. Put them in the heat and it’s usually a recipe for violence.

These are the kinds of fools who lose a basketball game or a game of Dominoes and want to fight. They’re also the kinds of guys who see a guy talking to a girl they like and get mad and want to fight him thinking they’re gonna get brownie points with her. And they’re the guys who once they get their asses kicked in a fight want to come back with a gun and start shooting.

And when they start shooting, they kill innocent men women and little children. People who had nothing to do with whatever stupid little beef he thought was such a big problem.

I truly hate these Bitch-made™ Manginas. These are the assholes who can turn a fun summer evening into a tragic night where families are planning funerals the next morning. Instead of sucking shit up and taking it like a Real Man, they get all upset and emotional and run off to get their guns to make people pay for getting the better of their weak asses. Then after they shoot everything but the person they’re looking for, they run and hide. When these losers get caught by the police, they’re usually found cowering and crying.

Then there’s the Mangina who gets rejected by a girl at a party or other social event. Usually this chump has finally mustered up the courage (usually with alcohol) to talk to the female he’s had his eye on for a while at a party, a barbecue or some other event. And when she says she’s not interested, he loses it. This is the kind of asshole upon being told no starts calling the object of his affection a bitch a cunt, and a whore, and even start getting physical. Then when he gets tossed from wherever he is for his disorderly behavior, he scurries off with his tail between his legs to go get nine millimeters of courage.

Again, this Bitch-Made™ coward couldn’t take rejection and now that a woman said no to him he’s going to kill her. Mixing assholes like this and alcohol together usually becomes a recipe for disaster where many lives are lost. Especially those of innocent children playing out on the street on a hot summer night. Because he couldn’t charge her to the game and keep it moving, people are charged to go to the funeral home.

Summer usually is a fun time in the city. Unfortunately, SIMPS make the long hot summer unbearable with their tedious attention whoring, pussy begging and propensity for violence when things don’t go their way. When a SIMP is in heat all I want to do is find a nice cool place to go to get away from them and their pathetic thirsty behavior.