Brothers- Don’t be a Pullman Porter in a Relationship

A Pullman Porter carried bags on the railways when train travel was popular in the late nineteenth and the early twentieth century. He was easily recognizable by his distinctive uniform.

The Pullman Porter carried passengers’ bags on and off trains, he served passengers in the diner car and rode in the caboose. It was hard demeaning work where grown men had to endure being called “boy” “nigger” and other racial slurs on a daily basis. Even if he were college educated, had to demean and debase himself to keep a job serving customers who mocked him laughed at him, and didn’t appreciate his work.

Being a Pullman Porter was the only job many Black men could get in some places. In fact, it was considered one of the best jobs a Black man could have during the Jim Crow period.

Back in those days many good Black men had to settle for less because of Jim Crow and institutional racism prevented them from competing in the job market and achieving the American Dream.

Now decades after the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed, Black men are still being asked to settle for less. And they’re being asked to settle for less from their own Black women.

Many Black women today are telling good brothers they have to put up with their baggage of ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, ex-cons, mental health issues, veneral diseases and children from their failed past relationships.

Basically, they’re telling Good Black men they have to be Pullman Porters. That they have to clean up a mess. That they have to carry bags. That they have to put up with second-best second-rate treatment in order to be first in a relationship with them.

I find that unacceptable. I won’t tolerate it in my life and I’m urging other brothers to not to accept it in their lives.

Brothers, don’t be a Pullman Porter.

Don’t put on the white jacket and the bow tie just to win the heart of a woman. It was bad enough when we had to degrade ourselves for White racists during Jim Crow. And It’s just as demeaning for a Black man to degrade himself it for a Black woman today. Black men have worked too hard and too long to settle for abuse and second-rate treatment from Black women. Take your respect.

A Black man has value and worth, as a human being and deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Black men are capable of giving and sharing love and they deserve to be loved by women who appreciate and value them.

Brothers I implore you,

Don’t settle for carrying some woman’s emotional baggage from one station in life to the next. Life is too short to carry someone’s bags from past failed relationships. It’s too short to spend every day tortured by a Black woman who wants to project all the anger and frustration she feels about a failed relationship with an ex-boyfriend onto someone so she can vent. Leave that woman to stew in her own anger and drown in her issues.

Don’t settle for verbal abuse. Our fathers and Grandfathers sacrificed their dignity and endured being called nigger and boy by White people for decades in those jobs like Pullman Porter so we could have a better life today. A Black man today shouldn’t have to come home to be verbally abused and called all types of names by a Black woman. If a woman can’t respect a man enough to speak to him tactfully, then he should leave her and find someone else. If she can’t disagree with him without resorting to verbally hitting below the belt in an argument, move on. Brothers, you have feelings and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You are an equal to a woman and she has no right to talk down to you like a child.

Don’t settle for a bad attitude. Pullmen Porters had to endure the surly attitudes from white racists because during Jim Crow they could lose their jobs for any reason a White person felt was an infraction on their superiority. In the face of so much cruelty he had to smile and still be courteous. Black men are asked to do this every day with surly Black women. We’re told to smile while black women can be surly and stank, roll their eyes and act like spoiled children. Sorry, but this behavior is just unacceptable and Black Men mustn’t tolerate it anymore. Sistas can act right for everyone else, but won’t give Black men respect in social interactions. No, this belligerence needs to stop.

Don’t settle for cleaning up someone else’s mess. Pullman Porters had to clean up messes in the dining car because it was their job. But Black men today have sacrificed too much to come home to pick up some Black woman’s relationship garbage and take it to the curb. She had the relationship with a gang-banger or an ex-con. She had three kids for three different men. But here she is she’s asking yet ANOTHER MAN to help solve HER problems. He’s supposed to put up his money to take care of another man’s kids’s, help ex-cons who “want to get themselves right” find a job and get the police to help rid her of gang bangers who keep prowling around her house. HELL NO!

Ignore the sad eyes victim cries, and salty tears. Don’t give into the temptations to put on the white jacket and serve her needs like that unappreciated Pullman Porter from back in the day. All she’s going to do is make a brotha ride in the big red caboose and laugh at him.

No, SHE made the mess with these fools. Let HER clean it up and deal with it the best she can. Keep on walking, and get a ticket in the first-class car with the rest of the polished travelers and enjoy your life.

Don’t settle for being treated like you don’t exist by sisters who are emotionally unavailable. Black women love to put their kids, ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands and baby daddys needs ahead of a Good Black Man’s needs and tell him to take a number until they’re interested. Brothers need to understand that these women are sufficiently obligated in their relationships and will not be able to be there for you and cannot be there for them.

Brothers, when you see a woman like this drop your number ticket in the garbage. Keep on walking until you find someone who will put your needs FIRST. You deserve the best in life. Don’t settle for riding in the caboose when there’s a first class ticket with your name on it.

Don’t settle for being a surrogate father. Black women feel entitled to tell a good brother that it’s his job to be a father figure for their children by other men. Moreover they feel this absolves the children’s father or fathers in some cases of any responsibility whatsoever for the upbringing of their children. These sistas want every man to be a father to their children, but the man who impregnated her.

No, men, in the case of Single mothers, keep on walking. Again, this woman is SUFFICIENTLY OBLIGATED in the dysfunctional relationship with the baby daddy SHE CHOSE and it’s THEIR job to take care of THEIR CHILDREN. Find a woman with NO KIDS who wants to build a healthy relationship with you. Then you can have a family where the children can share the love you have for them.

Black men who have worked hard achieve success in their lives shouldn’t have to be Pullman Porters when it comes to relationships with women. Black men must demand better when it comes to how we’re treated by Black women. Leave the garbage bags and the suitcases at the curb because it’s not a Black man’s job to clean up a Black woman’s mess anymore.